Thursday, July 27, 2006

Israel apologizes for attack on UN post, says it forgot to reprogram American-made bombs

Israel has accepted full responsibility for its attack on a United Nations post in Southern Lebanon on tuesday, which resulted in its total destruction as well as the deaths of two four UN observers. This attack, carried out through smart bombs that were shipped to Israel by the US, dazzled the international community by its precision targetting of UN personnel while keeping Lebanese civilian casualties to a minimum. Israel has apologized to the international community, saying that it forgot to reprogram the targeting mechanism of these smart bombs, which, as they leave American assembly-lines, come preprogrammed to destroy UN bases throughout the world.

The United States, which is currently engaged in a perpetual state of warfare against the United Nations, has developed a huge arsenal of bombs to be utilized in attacks against that organization and its peacekeeping bases throughout the world. These bombs involve state of the art technology which allows them to determine the locations of UN personnel on the ground and target them for elimination with pinpoint accuracy.

The US has already added the United Nations to its list of "rogue terrorist organizations", and has accused it of being actively involved in aiding worldwide terrorism and insurgency by refusing to provide the US with a blank check for invading any country it pleases. The UN has also angered Americans by carrying out peacekeeping and humanitarian missions in countries attacked by the US or any of its allies, in this case, Israel.

Many American conservatives have advocated that in addition to eliminating United Nations terrorist camps throughout the world, the United States should not balk at destroying those that exist on its own soil, regardless of the American casualties that would result in the process. These counterterrorism experts justify these casualties by saying that "if by ignorance, complicity, neglect or helplessness the Americans wouldn't throw the UN out and establish a strong government, then they must pay the price for the sins of the UN". Although most agree that the appointment of John Bolton's moustache as American ambassador to the United Nations was a step in the right direction, more needs to be done towards bringing the UN to its knees in order to force it to toe the line of American foreign policy regardless of its ill-effects on the rest of the UN member nations.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Hindustan Times quotes us

Over the weekend, the July 23rd issue of the Hindustan Times gave us some print space and quoted our thoughts on the Indian government's blocking of websites. Here is the entire column. Other bloggers who were also quoted were Patrix of Nerve Endings Firing Away and Samanth Subramaniam of A Writer and his Webblahg.


Look to your right. I am a celeb hiker. Yeah, the print's kinda small but here's the quote :
This 30-year-old with a day job as a software developer in the US prefers to be known as killer.eggplant or curiousgawker. Took to blogging in 2005 because it was either that, or “standing on a park bench with a mike”

‘How can citizens trust a government not to screw up a good policy when it cannot even manage to bring a bad policy to success?’
The other two celeb hikers had their pictures accompanying their quotes. Due to my dogged refusal to provide a mugshot of myself, they added some kind of a fruit to give a human face to my quotes. After consuming the better part of a day and a half in mulling over the philosophical significance of having a fruit for a face, I finally realized that it was an eggplant with horns. 'Cause I am a killer eggplant. Which happens to be my email ID. It all made sense now.


To be honest, when I chose "killer eggplant" as my new email ID, I wasn't really sure if I was making the right move and whether I should postpone the decision to a time of less inebriation. But now I realize it was a good choice on my part. Those horns, man. They are the bomb. And the bright green of the dangling leaf proves that I am still garden fresh. I am pretty sure that I would make a delicious baingan bharta. Thank you HT graphics artist.

Update : After some more investigation and exploration of avenues, we managed to find an enlarged viewer-friendly version of the column.


Monday, July 24, 2006

Hindu Republic of Pakistan behind Mumbai blasts, says Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid

The Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid, Mr Syed Ahmed Bukhari, today denounced the Hindu Republic of Pakistan for its involvement in the Mumbai bomb blasts of July 11 (via comments at The Acorn). Speaking to a gathering of worshippers inside the historic 350 year old Jama Masjid mosque, Mr Bukhari lambasted the Central government for falsely implying that the Islamic fundamentalist Lashkar-e-Toiba organization was responsible for the blasts and added that in all likelihood, it was neighbouring Hindu Pakistan that had a hand in the attacks.

Mr Bukhari was especially critical of the Indian government's quickness to lay blame at the feet of this humanitarian organization. Pointing to the Lashkar-e-Toiba's pioneering work in feeding the homeless and clothing the naked, Mr Bukhari said that it was inconceivable that this peaceful organization would even know how to manufacture explosives out of ammonium nitrate and RDX, technology which Mr Bukhari claimed, has never left the inner sanctum of the mosque.

On being asked who, in his opinion, were the actual perpetrators of the bomb blasts, Mr Bukhari suggested that RSS cadets and Shiv Sena insurgents operating from across the border were most probably the culprits. "A cursory glance at Indian history will show that most bomb blasts that have occurred in this country have been traced to Hindu militants funded and trained by Pakistan. In this case, there is no reason to believe otherwise."

Mr Bukhari ended his speech by denouncing the government's policy of singling out Islamic terrorists for persecution. "We want equality before the law'', said Mr Bukhari, alleging that Maoists and insurgent groups in the North-East were receiving preferential treatment."It is high time that the government shed its centuries old communalistic mindset and started embracing terrorists of all castes and creeds".

Friday, July 21, 2006

Is this the future of mankind

Israeli children writing final words on bombs meant to kill the Lebanese. Can anybody seriously look into the future of the middle-east and claim that war in that region is going to solve anything?

And what the fuck are the parents of these kids doing, infusing them with such hatred? To all Indians who point a finger towards Israel and gushingly proclaim, "Look at those ballsy guys, they're surrounded by enemies and yet they continue to survive", while advocating that India follow a similar policy of eternal warfare towards its neighbours, I would like to ask these people, do you seriously want your kids to turn into monsters like these?

Something to think about.

Update : More here and here (H/T : Electric Blues in the comments). It appears that the children were a victim of media manipulation. However, I am nevertheless aghast at the parents who allowed their kids to be photographed signing those bombs and the media's publishing of these images which can only serve to inflame the situation some more.

It is also necessary to point out that the sight of Arab kids dressed up as suicide bombers is as despicable as that of Israeli kids signing bombs. How about keeping the next generation of humans untainted with all the hatred of our times?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Poll shows unused human embryos would rather be flushed down the toilet than be used in life-saving research

A new poll carried out by the Bush White House conclusively proves that more human embryos would prefer to be destroyed by being flushed down the toilet than being used for stem cell research.

The US Senate passed legislation yesterday which would expand federal funding towards stem cell research, utilizing human embryos from fertility clinics that would otherwise have been discarded. The study of human stem cells contains a vast potential for discovering cures to various debilitatory diseases such as diabetes, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's by virtue of the unique property embryonic stem cells have of transforming themselves into a variety of specialized body cells.

President Bush, however, has expressed his intent to veto the legislation, saying, "We do not know whether the embryos would wish to die a natural death in the sewers of our cities or be used to save the lives of our citizens."

In order to gauge popular opinion, human embryos stored in fertility clinics nationwide were woken up from their state of embryonicity in order to ascertain their view about the Senate legislation. Although most were unable to respond to questions or any other form of sensory stimulii, many succeeded in communicating telepathically to White House pollsters, saying that even though their knowledge of the Bible was limited, their faith forbade them from being used to further the cause of science.

Most Senate Democrats, excepting one, voted for the legislation. However, Republicans not afflicted by diseases the study of stem cells could find a cure for, have supported President Bush's intention of vetoing the bill and quashing stem cell research. The White House, in turn, responded by saying that "It's inappropriate for the federal government to finance something that many people consider murder." "Go Israel", added Tony Snow, the White House spokesman.

The incompetence of the Indian government

Man, this really makes me squirm in embarassment. The Indian government is actually mispelling the websites it wishes to block, and as a result, blocking the wrong ones . Forget the really obvious incorrectly blocked websites like Princess Kimberly. Where the government really screws up is in blocking the following websites:

  • : Er .. what? This site gets an average of 24 visitors a day. Is it possible that the government actually wanted to ban the Pajamas Media website ( , a kinda mediocre, but nevertheless popular aggregation of right wing pro-Bush bloggers? Did someone in the government google "pajama" and ban every website that appeared in the search results?

  • : This is an easy one. I think it's safe to say that the government probably wished to block the rabidly right-wing and much accessed website Expose the Left ( and not Exposing the Left, which, with all due respect to the "editors" of the website, isn't as big a player in conservative psycho-babble and Bush-worship as is its almost-namesake.

  • : I don't know what the fuck this site is about. Looks like one of those technical geeky ones. More blockable, however, is this one, The Jawa Report , ( , also a hugely popular right-wing pro-Bush website. Notice the difference? jawa, versus java.

  • And finally, doesn't even fucking exist. Who the heck knows what this was supposed to be. Maybe someone in the government has an irrational fear of pirates. Or something.

Goddamnit, can't the Indian government even indulge in some freedom-curtailing and dictatorial authoritarianism without skewering its dignity in the process? How can one trust a government to pursue and catch the perpetrators of the Mumbai bomb blasts when it can't even bring its ludicrously wrong-headed policies to a successful conclusion? Christ, these clowns can't even do the wrong things right. It's like the neighbourhood peeping Tom who climbs the wrong tree in front of the wrong house and spends the night trying to peep into the wrong window. Shit, this government sickens and embarasses me with its ineptitude.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ann Coulter running out of English language based profanity

Reports suggest that conservative commentator Ann Coulter has hired a team of consultants from Harvard University's Department of Linguistics to help her sift through thousands of dictionaries and thesauruses in order to dig up any words of profanity in the English language she might have missed during her career as a deranged right wing polemicist.

The best-selling author first became aware of her rapidly depleting repertoire of English language based profanity while venting her spleen at the widows of the 9/11 attacks in her new book. Speaking to reporters, Ms Coulter said, "I tried to come up with words to describe these...these..these...bimbos and could only manage 'witches' and 'harpies'. That's when I realized I was in serious....doo doo."

Ms Coulter, in a constant attempt to keep her writing fresh and her hate-mongering free of cliched catch phrases that are typical of most right-wing polemicists, has always strived to come up with newer and more horrifically vulgar phraseology to describe people she doesn't agree with politically. However, the high frequency and verbosity of her outpourings of rage and hate has finally caused Ms. Coulter to reach the limits of English language's abusive potential.

"When I read today that Michael Schiavo was going to be campaigning for a Democratic candidate for the post of Governor of Florida, the blood rushed to my head and I rushed to my computer to write an article", said Ms Coulter. "But I just couldn't come up with anything. The only words I managed to type out were what a bad bad person he was. Michael Schiavo is a very bad evil stupid bad man. God, somebody please help me, I am losing my ability to articulate my hatred in rabidly poisonous format", she sniffed.

Apart from penning a diatribe on Michael Schiavo's evilness, Ms Coulter has a couple of other projects in the works such as her upcoming article berating the community of amoral secular liberal Galapagos island finches who, contrary to the anti-evolutionist claims she makes in her new book, are actually continuing to evolve from large-beaked birds into smaller-beaked birds due to the scarcity of large seeds on the islands.

Keeping in mind the future of her career in mud-slinging and name-calling, Ms Coulter is exploring the potential for incorporating non-English languages into her writing. "My editor tells me that many Indian and Far-Eastern languages are actually treasure troves for profanity-seekers", she explained. "Look forward to a liberal infusion of Hindi and Mandarin-based invective in all my future columns."

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


When will the insanity end?

100163 dead (and counting).

Go here to leave a message for your folks if you can't get through. All the best.

Hugh Hewitt, please shut the fuck up.

Update : Apparently an unexploded bomb was defused (via Ultrabrown). This would constitute fresh evidence for the police to work on. The first few hours are probably the most critical in pursuing the perpetrators. During this time it is essential for instigators from both sides to lay off the theatrics and let the police do their work.

Update2 : Many right wing bloggers in the US (eg : abovementioned Hewitt) are somehow trying to link these bomb blasts with their own selfish pro-Bush agenda, as bongopondit pointed out in the comments. The rest are engaging in highly clueless analysis of the events. For example Captain Ed of the prominent right wing "Captain's Quarters" blog. Here is his erudite commentary :
It looks like al-Qaeda or an Islamofascist offshoot has decided to add another nation to its blood enemies.
What motivated AQ to go after India? It's hardly the first country one associates with the West, and many Muslims live within the majority-Hindu nation.
It's almost as if Captain Ed woke up today, discovered the existence of a country called India through CNN and decided it was time he graced us with his expert opinion on Indian politics. Dear Captain Ed, India has been afflicted by Pakistan and Al Qaida sponsored terrorism long before the US stopped supplying Al Qaida (and Pakistan) with arms and weaponry. Then, the learned Captain opines :
But mostly AQ and other Islamist terrorists have targeted tourists, and India is in the middle of its tourist season.
Uh what? Tourist season in mid-monsoon? Can't get any more clueless than that. Furthermore,
AQ wants to destroy India's economy, fragile enough as it is, by keeping tourists away from the country.
Ah, thank you, Captain Ed, for clarifying the terrorists' intent, namely, to destroy India's economy, which is supposedly wholly reliant on all those wealthy Western tourists. It probably makes Captain Ed feel good inside, thinking that tourists from his part of the world are solely responsible for keeping India's economy continuing to chug along like the old decrepit tractor that it is. And finally,
It looks like India will have a 7/11 to match Madrid's 3/11 and our 9/11.
No more special dates for us, thank you. We've already had too many of those.

Update3 : Major roundups : Desipundit , Ultrabrown, India Uncut, Gaurav Sabnis

Update4 : Forgot to mention it yesterday but kudos to everyone who worked trying to connect anxious family members at Mumbaihelp. Great going, people. Here's another place to go to for help (via Aravind through comments).

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Other India

The good folks at "How the Other Half Lives" have invited me to blog alongside them and so here I am, doing exactly that.

Here's my first post.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Stupid Joe Biden

"You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent."

Joe Biden (political career 1973 - 2006)

Video here. (via Atrios).

You know, I wouldn't be so offended if it weren't for the fact that we Indians try so goddamn hard to fake an American accent while talking to other Americans, can't we at least get some recognition for our efforts?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Defense Secretary's supporters worried about his defense

Supporters of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld expressed some trepidation regarding the possibility of his home becoming the target of future terror attacks. The Defense Secretary's weekend retreat in Maryland entered the spotlight after the New York Times revealed its whereabouts in a travel-oriented article featuring the village of St Michael's where it is located. The publishing of this article is now causing concern among his fans in the blogosphere who are skeptical about the Defense Secretary's ability to defend his own home from a terror attack.

"By writing an article based upon publicly available facts about Secretary Rumsfeld's home, the Times has committed treason", said a prominent right-wing blogger. "How is a defense secretary who has failed to prevent a terrorist attack against the country supposed to prevent terrorists from attacking his private residence?"

Conservative critics of the Times article are saying that information contained in the article could be used by terrorists to plot mischief against Secretary Rumsfeld whose credibility in the field of defense has been severely undermined after the failed Iraqi occupation.

"Look, we like and respect the guy because he is a Bush appointee but let's face it, he is not very good at his job", said a Rumsfeld fan. "He is the one who invaded Iraq in order to capture weapons of mass destruction and then sat back and allowed the Iraqis to raid unguarded weapons dumps. The New York Times should, therefore, have taken into consideration his relative incompetence in matters of defense before describing his home for terrorists to target."

Most of the Defense Secretary's supporters were also unswayed by the argument that Rumsfeld himself had given Times reporters permission to photograph his home. "Everything the Defense Secretary says has to be taken with a grain of salt", said a blogger who was worried about the safety of his idol. "He once justified the looting in Iraq by claiming that free people are free to commit crimes. It would be irresponsible on our part to lay on him the onerous task of securing his own safety from terrorists. Who knows, he might even invite them into his house for a tour of his gun collection. He needs to be protected, the poor baby."

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Calling on all feminists

Dear feminists of the female persuasion,

Please listen up. Organized religion and feminism cannot go together. I repeat. Organized religion, namely, the sex-hating, women-subjugating archaic set of rules that were devised when dinosaurs ruled the earth and man was just a twinkle in an ape's DNA strand, can never co-exist with the idea that women deserve to be on an equal footing with men in all walks of life. Go here. It is explained slowly and with much lucidity. If you desire more explanations, go here. Thank you for listening. You may now return to your rolling pins.

A frustrated co-warrior

Pre-emptive scavenging

Vultures hovering around the space shuttle. Why? 'Cause of this.

Why stop at Bin Laden's driver

What about his dentist, grocer, nanny, plumber, midwife and personal hygiene consultant? Let's arrest 'em all and haul their asses to The Gitmo. Everyone except the big guy himself, yeah? And by the same token, by God, if I see President George W. Bush's driver on my route to work, the black guy who probably didn't even vote for him, I'm gonna let him have a piece of my mind. How dare he chauffeur around a war criminal?

Oh and let's not forget the bastards who lost all their savings and retirement funds in the Enron debacle. Yeah, the employees. How dare they work for someone who duped them out of everything they had? If you ask me, those fuckers are as much to blame as are Ken Lay and his homeboy Jazzy Jeff. Fry their asses.

Are the conservatives fucking idiots? He's a fucking driver. Not a terrorist. Now repeat this along with me : I will stop pooping my pants whenever Osama Bin Laden is mentioned. There, now didn't that make you feel better?