George Will, cry baby

George Will, conservative columnist, whines about "narcissistic bloggers" who write "their diaries as though everyone ought to care about everyone’s inner turmoils". Well, George, if you quit lying your ass off in those totally un-narcissistic Washington Post columns (which everybody ought to care about, by the way, because it is the great and wise George Will expressing his inner turmoils and not just any garden-variety internet user), we wouldn't need bloggers in the first place.

It is sad, oh so very sad to contemplate the desperate meanderings of a marginalized old man who's just beginning to grasp his own irrelevance in this world.

Is George Will turning senile?

George Will hammers Democratic Virginia Senator-elect Jim Webb for being rude to President Bush in his Washington Post column. George is offended by the following conversation he says took place between Jim Webb and the President :

President : How's your boy?
Webb : I'd like to get them [sic] out of Iraq.
President : How's your boy?
Webb : That's between me and my boy.

On reading this exchange, it would probably be fair to think of Bush as a gentle concerned soul who, even after being rebuffed by the impolite Webb, continued to inquire about the well-being of Webb's son, who is serving in Iraq, only to be rebuffed again. One might even call Webb a "boor" and describe Bush's question towards Webb as "civil and caring" as Will does in his column.

Yes, that would be fair. If it were actually so. But George Will is not being entirely honest here. That's because he posts the link to the entire exchange in his column and this is how the conversation actually went :

President : How's your boy?
Webb : I'd like to get them [sic] out of Iraq.
President : That's not what I asked you, how's your boy?
Webb : That's between me and my boy.

Now doesn't that change things a bit? Doesn't Webb's response look much more reasonable now and Bush's seem to be petulant, infantile and yes, rude. And doesn't this pretty much demolish the basis of George Will's column, called "Already too busy for civility" which criticizes Webb for being an uncivil cad?

What was George thinking? Did he deliberately and mendaciously omit the truthful exchange from his column in order to bolster his non-existent point based on the belief that his readers would be too lazy to click through the link and check up on the facts? Did he recite the conversation through memory which can be pretty treacherous for a person of advanced age? Was it just sloppy editing? Or was it an instance of constructing facts around an already drawn premise, namely Webb's supposed boorish personality?

Whatever it was, it was a pretty sad spectacle to behold.

A Minnesota Republican's letter of concession

Here's part of a letter of concession (via PZ) which a Minnesota State Senatorial candidate sent her victorious opponent after the election. What makes this letter interesting is that the candidate Rae Hart Anderson, a Republican, uses it to try and convert her opponent, Satveer Chaudhary, a practising Hindu to Christianity. It's actually quite hilarious if you think religious fundamentalism is funny.

Congratulations on winning the District 50 senate race. Your phone is "busy"...no doubt with good wishes!

I've enjoyed much of this race, especially the people I've met...even you! I see your deficits--not all of them, and your potential--but not all of it. Only your Creator knows the real potential He's put in you. Get to know Him and know yourself...you'll be more interesting even to you!

The race of your life is more important than this one--and it is my sincere wish that you'll get to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. He died for the sins of the world, yours and mine--and especially for those who accept His forgiveness. His kingdom will come and His will be done--on earth as it is in heaven. There's more....I love belonging to the family of God. Jesus is the way, the truth and offers His life to you and each human being. Pay attention...this is very important, Satveer. Have you noticed Jesus for yourself...at some moment in time, yet???

The rest of the letter is a collection of biblical quotes and sermonizing babble any of us could write quite easily after downing a few. But I just don't understand how people can arrogantly foist some vague concept like Jesus Christ on people who clearly have their own vaguer concepts to uphold. Ordering a Hindu to believe in Jesus is akin to a South Indian denouncing a Punjabi guy for eating sarson da saag instead of idli sambar.

US midterm election results

Democrats will take over the US House of representatives, could quite possibly take over the Senate as well if they manage to snag Montana and Virginia. Macacas (both taxi-driving and non) all over the country have been observed holding their breaths in anticipation.

Democrat Nancy Pelosi will be the first ever female Speaker of the US House and number 3 in the Presidential line of succession after the Vice President in case the quail were to ever fight back.

Most Philadelphia suburbs kicked out the Republican Congressional incumbent including Sen. Rick Santorum who will now have more time to obsess over homosexuality and man-on-dog sex in the comfort and privacy of his own home. In addition, Democratic PA Governor Ed Rendell was re-elected. Rendell did a lot of good things including completing the modernization of the Amtrak Keystone corridor, which will hopefully be a precursor for others to follow in ushering American rail travel into the 18th century. Still a long way to go, but good job nevertheless, PA citizens.

South Dakota rejected the strict anti-abortion bill which would deny abortions to anyone except, in the words of Republican state Senator Bill Napoli, the highly special case of a "rape victim, brutally raped, savaged" who happened to be "a virgin", but more to the point, "a religious virgin", who had "planned on saving her virginity until she was married" and who "was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated".

The rejection of this bill will now allow religious virgins who were raped, brutalized and impregnated but sadly, managed to not get sodomized, to still obtain an abortion nevertheless.

Missouri elected Democrat Claire McCaskill as US Senator, also approving a constitutional amendment permitting embryonic stem cell research. Ms. McCaskill was helped in her campaign by Michael J Fox, who starred in a campaign commercial asking Missouri voters to consider the implications of stem cell research in overcoming debilitating diseases and vote for McCaskill, a pro-stem cell candidate. Actor Jim Caviezel, who appeared in a counter-ad protesting stem cell research, is still trying to come to terms with the fact that he isn't really Jesus Christ.

Glenn Reynolds, that highly acclaimed political analyst, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary, continues to pretend that the election was predicated by everything except the Iraq war.

Gays who are not pedophiles won seats.

Gays who are pedophiles lost seats.

Heterosexuals who tried to strangle their mistresses lost seats.

And finally, Democratic control of the House might pave the way for the comprehensive immigration reform (CIR) bill to be passed into law, thus allowing numerous Macacas to not spend entire lifetimes in the US waiting to get a green card.

Vote

Life is short. If you want to continue to live through your kids, please vote Democrat today.

The pictures

(updated below)

I usually do not participate in the partisan slugfests that keep occurring at regularly scheduled intervals in the Indian blogosphere. Not because I am against alienating people from either side 'cause seriously, I couldn't give a fuck, but because I do not owe allegiance to any ideology in particular, and so, I find it hard to agree with anybody's views in their entirety on any particular issue.

But not this time. This is what happened. Shivam Vij posted pictures of the Kherlanji massacre of a Dalit family on his blog. The pictures included a graphic photograph of the raped and murdered girl containing partial nudity (or so they say, it has since been removed). This led to a number of people writing horror-stricken blog posts condemning Shivam's "lack of respect for the dignity of the dead" in posting these pictures and accusing him of trying to attract hits and attention through this medium.

Confused claims that pictures need not be shown and that wisely selected words should be enough to make people realize the horror of the crime. I disagree. Pictures are everything. Pictures put a face to the victim who would otherwise have just been a statistic. The actual sight of violence and bloodshed perpetrated by man on his brother / sister makes all the difference in overcoming the sterility of the printed word. The tremendous power of pictures in shaking people from their apathetic stupor is the reason why the Bush administration has banned pictures of coffins arriving from Iraq. It is also the reason why each time the American media depicts the violence and death occurring over in that blighted nation on screen, it causes the warmongering community consisting of Glenn Reynolds and his band of Bush cultists to protest about "liberal media bias". And it was the poignant sight of a Michael J Fox swaying uncontrollably on television as he pled for public support towards stem cell research that caused people to take notice and changed a whole lot of minds. Pictures are much more powerful than words and that is a fact.

Enter Gaurav Sabnis. He embarks on a blogpost with a couple of assumptions he peddles as fact with everything that follows in his post depending upon those "facts" for their meaning. Fact number 1 : Shivam is an attention-seeking journalist-whore. Fact number 2 : Shivam merely fakes his concern for Dalits and given a choice, he would not think twice before selling their mutilated bodies on the internet. No evidence is provided to back up these "facts". Once these "facts" have been reported as fact, whatever he says later becomes impenetrable to refutation because of his fundamental preconceived assumptions regarding Shivam's character.

However, the fact (without the air-quotes) is that there exists considerable evidence that contradicts them. Anyone who is remotely familiar with the Indian blogosphere should know that Shivam has been an activist for the Dalit cause for quite some time, as he explains on his blog. Which is why unless someone actually provides me with some evidence to the contrary, I would give Shivam the benefit of doubt in this respect.

Secondly, Sabnis, as well as other members of the anti-picture brigade claim that posting these pictures strip the dead of their dignity and that we should respect the privacy of the dead.

What does that even mean? What dignity? Dignity is a quality that lives and dies with a living being. Once you die, along with your clothes, wealth and silicon implants, you also leave your dignity behind. Whose dignity are we then protecting?

And let's say, if you actually did continue to possess dignity after you were dead, wouldn't your dignity be better served by raising awareness about the crime that was perpetrated on you, about the people who raped and murdered you who might get away scot free in the absence of a public outcry against their deeds? Wouldn't you feel that way, if it were you who were the victim?

Why, then, is Gaurav Sabnis foisting his own ideas about post mortem dignity on the dead? Isn't he kind of, you know, stripping away their dignity by doing that?

And before Sabnis asks me that question, yes, if it were my mother or sister who were raped and killed in that manner, if the government were not to come to my assistance, if my story were to be killed by the media, yes, fuck, yes, I would like their pictures to be plastered all over the media, over the blogosphere, dignity and privacy be damned. In fact, I would even be willing to pay for people to spread the word, just to raise awareness, just to get justice. And I would like my prime minister and every member of his cabinet to wake up and see those pictures first thing in the morning. I would like the nation to be ashamed of what its citizens are capable of. And that is me speaking for myself, not for the family of the dead, unlike Sabnis.

Sabnis then writes a follow up post defending his earlier post, which he nonchalantly begins with the sentence : "Shivam Vij has removed the naked picture." Nice job missing the point. That single sentence does more to illustrate the problem at the core of this business, namely, confusing violence with pornography. Sabnis sees the picture as that of a dead naked woman whereas the entire purpose of putting up the picture was clearly to showcase the savagery inflicted upon the woman and not the fact that she was missing her fucking top. Bizarre.

Lastly, I want to point out Sabnis' sentence in his later post where he says

"I found Shivam Vij's post distasteful, and conforming to the cheap attention-seeking, shock-inducing standards that seem to prevail in the Indian media nowadays."

Contrast this with Sabnis' attitude a couple of weeks ago towards a brother of the so-called Cartel who wrote a post containing the following literary gem :

"I think Tejal should set an example for the rest of us in ‘depreviledging’ systems by opening access to her arsehole. Everyone from Thakurs to Dalits to whites to blacks to barnyard animals to illegal Bangladeshi immigrants should be able to enter it at will. I see no reason why everyone should be a have-not when it comes to anal sex with Tejal, especially when she herself has the ability to make everyone a have."

And Sabnis' comment on this post?

"This is the best post ever. It is a splendid illustration of the sanctity of the owner’s rights over his private property. Unfortunately, many people do not have the capacity, willingness or maturity to grasp the succinctness of Aadisht’s argument."

So, to recap, Shivam's posting of a picture of a raped woman on his blog in a post condemning the rape equals a manifestation of the "distasteful, and conforming to the cheap attention-seeking, shock-inducing standards" prevailing in the media. Aadisht.net's post, critiquing a commentator using penetration of her arsehole as a prop, on the other hand, equals the best post ever written and anyone who would criticize all that talk about arsehole penetration (a living person's arsehole, by the way, talk about being a pro-dignity crusader) lacks the maturity to grasp the intricate argument that nestles underneath. Oh, the hilarity.

Note that I am not offering any opinion about utilizing shock value to raise awareness on an issue 'cause God knows I have indulged in it myself. However, I do find someone objecting to "attention seeking" and "shock-inducing" in one case while glorifying it in another kinda strange.

But ultimately, all this ongoing bullshit will continue to be bullshit. People will continue to get offended by controversial pictures while losing the actual point that was being made. Other people will continue to lose sight of the point themselves while getting diverted into defending those pictures. And meanwhile, atrocities will continue to be committed, reported upon and forgotten.

Update : It appears to me that anyone who has an opinion on this issue needs to first ask himself the following three questions :

1.> Do you hate Shivam?

2.> Do you doubt Shivam's motives in posting the pictures?

3.> How do you feel about posting such pictures in general?

If you answered yes to the first two questions, you should probably not bother asking yourself the third question, which actually happens to be the most important question of all. Unfortunately, most of who have commented on this issue so far have concentrated on answering yes to the first two questions and assumed that this automatically answers the third question. That is kind of stupid.

Update II : Here's Shivam's entire article for Tehelka of which the pictures were a precursor.

Quote of the day

Republican Florida Congressional gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist, explaining his opposition to gay marriage (via maru) :

"Marriage is a sacred relationship — like I had, before I got divorced."

If you are trying to convince Sean Hannity that the world is round, forget it

What is wrong with Sean Hannity? Seriously, is he learning disabled? How hard is it to understand that no one is against listening in on phone conversations between suspected terrorist cells as long as the President obtains a warrant to do it? You know, so that he doesn't break the law? Even a fourth-grader should be able to understand the concept of warrants and probable cause. Yet, Hannity keeps babbling shit like :

"I don't think abandoning our troops on the battlefield or closing your eyes to enemy communications or listening to enemy communications in our country, or killing the economy, or supporting illegal immigration, I don't think that's something (for the Democrats) to run on."

I can just imagine the conversation that would ensue were you to ever try and convince Sean Hannity that contrary to his passionately held belief, the world isn't flat but spherical. It would probably go like this :

You : You know Sean, the world is round, so don't stop driving because you think you might fall off the edge.
Sean Hannity : Round? You mean like a ball?
You : Yes. Like a ball.
Sean Hannity : You mean like the ball they use in tennis games?
You : Er sure, like a tennis ball.
Sean Hannity : Wouldn't the earth shatter if you played tennis with it?
You : The earth is not used in tennis games.
Sean Hannity : You said it is.
You : No, I said it resembles a tennis ball.
Sean Hannity : Hmm..If the earth is so small, how come we all fit on it?
You : I didn't say it is as small as a tennis ball. I said it is round, like a tennis ball.
Sean Hannity : I can only imagine the amount of rubber it must have taken to build the earth.
You : The earth is not made of rubber.
Sean Hannity : A tennis ball is made of rubber and you said the earth is like a tennis ball but isn't as small. Hence, wouldn't it take a lot of rubber to build the earth?
You : I said it is round like a tennis ball, not made of the same material as a tennis ball.
Sean Hannity : So if no one plays tennis with the earth, why did God make a tennis ball shaped earth?
You : There are multiple problems with that question and I wouldn't know where to begin.
Sean Hannity : So you agree that there are problems with the theory that the earth is round like a tennis ball.
You : No there are no problems with this theory and it is actually a fact, not a theory.
Sean Hannity : So if the earth is like a tennis ball, the moon must be like what, a marble?
You : Serenity now, serenity now.
Sean Hannity : You know what, this is way too complicated for me. I think I will stick with the flat earth theory.

And that is kinda the same reason why Sean Hannity keeps propagating the myth that Democrats are against surveillance on terrorists. Because his brain cannot adjust to the fact that the matter might be a tad more complex than that.

Either that or he is being deliberately mendacious. But he is a devout Christian so I think we can dismiss that possibility. Can't we?

Homophobic Republican senator turns out to be gay

Our useful idiots on the Right are crying rivers of tears over oh, how horrible it is that Republican senator Larry Craig of Idaho has been outed as a closet homosexual. How dare people pry into other people's private lives, they say with significant amounts of righteous indignation. Others are expressing stern disapproval about the alleged efforts of people to make the Republican party of America a pariah in the eyes of social conservatives, a typically Republican voterbase, by "gleefully" publicizing and showcasing its hitherto undisclosed affinity towards anal sex.

Are you fucking kidding me, Idiots 1 and 2?

First of all, Larry Craig is a senator. Not a private individual. And no, this in itself does not give Americans a license to scrutinize his private life. However, the fact that he has voted numerous times in favor of legislation aimed against homosexuals sure does. Look at his Senate voting record (via Pam). Sen. Craig has :

* Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
* Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
* Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
* Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
* Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)

You know, when you are a lawmaker who is supporting legislation to be enacted with the aim of allowing the government to intrude into the private lives of your fellow citizens based on their choice of lifestyle, you pretty much forfeit your own right to privacy. Especially when you are, you know, kind of a hypocrite 'cause of your own adherence to that lifestyle.

And dear Idiot 2, these are not, as you put it, "creepy, gleeful efforts at outing". These are attempts to hold our lawmakers accountable for their actions and if not zero, at least minimal standards of hypocrisy.

Ramadan fasting tips from the Ayatollah

The Ayatollah Ali Khameini answers your questions with regard to Ramadan fasting (via Attaturk).

Question: There is a medicine for asthma patients, which is in the form of a spray containing a vapor-borne powder which enters the patient’s lungs through the mouth providing him relief. At times, asthma patients need to use it several times a day. Is it permissible to fast while using such a spray?

Answer: If it is compressed air mixed with medicine in the shape of powder or gas and enters the throat, the fast’s validity is problematic. If fasting without using it is difficult or impossible, using the medicine is permissible. However, it is a caution not to perform any other invalidator and to make qaḍā’ of the fast without using it, if possible.

Editor's translation : If you are merely sick but not in danger of dying, you may not alleviate your sickness with medicine during the fast. However, if you are reasonably sure that you will die without your medication, you may medicate yourself while fasting without incurring a significant amount of Holy wrath in the process.

For more complex situations, for example, if you believe that your demise is imminent in the absence of medication and hence take it but it turns out that you wouldn't really have died, answers about the final destination of your soul will be available with a premium membership.

=================

Question: If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?

Answer: if he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a ḥarām intentional breaking fasting.

Editor's translation : It is ok to masturbate while fasting as long as you are unaware that the act of stroking yourself repeatedly to the accompaniment of a brief, oh so brief moment of pleasure is actually masturbation.

If you have additional questions about asthma medication, masturbation or any other acts you are desirous of performing during Ramadan but are unsure about the (il)legalities that might be involved, please click on this url and pray that the question of the day matches your inquiry.

Capital investment

Peter Glover at TCS Daily whines about environmentalists creating a lot of global warming themselves while flying places to educate people about global warming. Next thing on Mr Glover's agenda, a critical look at why it should be necessary to buy stuff before selling it at a higher price because c'mon, doesn't buying something result in spending money whereas the whole idea in the first place was to make money? Goddamn, TCS is chock full of idiots. And they call themselves free market capitalists. Ever hear about the concept of capital investment?

Also, I don't think I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for Mr Glover to denounce George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq and the slaughter of thousands of Iraqis towards the cause of eternal world peace.

It's all semantics

If it had been a Democratic president, he would have been called a "tax and spend big government liberal". Since it's Bush we are talking about, he is described as someone who is "willing to deviate from conservative orthodoxy on the role of government". Doesn't that sound positively adorable now?

Oh Glenn Reynolds, you kill me.

In other Instapundit news, he links to some dude claiming to be a "veteran gay and human rights advocate", who is asking the gay wing of the Democratic National Committee, the Human Rights Campaign, to issue a response to the Foley scandal rocking the Congress. Petrelis says :

"The largest gay organization in America and all its members can't see a single reason to weigh in on anything related to Foley, showing HRC has all the backbone of one of the dead, boneless chickens served at their dinners."

First of all, it's not a big fucking scandal because of Foley's homosexuality. It's a big fucking scandal because the other party is under aged. I thought this was pretty obvious. If Foley were to have committed a bank robbery, I bet Mr Petrelis would still have wanted the HRC to issue a response just because he is homosexual. What a fool, this guy.

Secondly, what is with the phrase "one of the dead, boneless chickens served at their dinners"? Sounds like back-handed gay bashing to me, Mr Gay and Human Rights Advocate. Even though, of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong in eating dead boneless chicken for dinner. Personally, I would prefer it to devouring a live skeletal bird which Mr Petrelis appears to have a predilection for.

In other other news, it is well known that Glenn Reynolds likes to periodically publish readers 'emails that accuse him of being a liberal. You know, just so he can preserve his mystical aura of being an unbiased independent. After all how can you call someone who gets slammed by wingnuts a wingnut? Sadly, he must not be getting a lot of those emails now because he has had to resort to publishing some of the more deranged ones. Like, for example, this one :

"You'll be laughing out of the other side of your liberal mouth when your butt buddy, Harold Jr., gets his ass kicked in the election. You guys must be long lost, separated brothers."

That's pretty psychotic. Surprisingly, Reynolds giggles it up like a schoolgirl, apparently flattered out of his wits for being mistaken as a liberal. However, if someone were to have mailed him this same letter, accusing him of being a conservative and using the same general tone of communication, Reynolds would have spent all morning weeping and blustering about the lack of civility in contemporary liberal society.

But speaking as someone who is not deranged, I gotta tell you this, Mr Reynolds, you are no liberal, so quit your goddamn role-playing, no one's buying the pretence.

Condoleezza Rice caught in a flagrant lie

Before :

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said she cannot recall then-CIA chief George Tenet warning her of an impending al Qaeda attack in the United States, as a new book claims he did two months before the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

"What I am quite certain of is that I would remember if I was told, as this account apparently says, that there was about to be an attack in the United States, and the idea that I would somehow have ignored that I find incomprehensible," Rice said.

Now : (via Atrios)

JIDDA, Saudi Arabia, Oct. 2 — A review of White House records has determined that George J. Tenet, then the director of central intelligence, did brief Condoleezza Rice and other top officials on July 10, 2001, about the looming threat from Al Qaeda, a State Department spokesman said Monday.

I know what you are saying, she couldn't recall it, the poor thing, let us give her the benefit of doubt, give her an aspirin and tuck her into a warm bed with a glass of 2% milk and an Ann Coulter book. To which I say, are you out of your motherfucking mind? She was the National Security Advisor. Her job was to remember if she was told that America would be getting a visit from old man Laden's band of bloodthirsty elves. And, of course, to discover a way to bring down his sled with all its jingling bells before it landed on your roof with its cargo of goodies. It's kinda different from, say, forgetting about an appointment for a haircut. A whole lotta different.

But the key question to me is, how come the Secretary of State is so fucking stupid that she didn't realize her lie would be found out sooner or later through the White House records? If not for lying her ass off, she should at least be fired for being so goddamn stupid. And these jackasses want to fight America's war on terror. Give me a fucking break.

I'm guessing that with this shit and the Foley crap, Tony Snow, the White House spokesdick is not gonna want to wake up tomorrow morning. Oh well, bad things happen to evil people. Let us save our sympathy for those who deserve it, like, say, the Green Bay Packers, who are looking to get ass whooped during the next half hour by the Eagles.

But remember as you go to sleep today, Condoleezza lied and people died.

The end of American secularism

So the US Senate has officially done away with the bill of rights. We all know that and we have taken all the necessary precautions. Such as publicly petitioning Schick for adding a 5th, 6th and even a 7th blade to the Quattro razor that will eliminate not only the barest wisp of terroristy facial hair but also the skin that provided an environment conducive to its growth in the first place.

But now, the US House of Representatives, not to be left behind, has achieved a huge victory in dismantling the First Amendment in the form of The Public Expression of Religion Act - H.R. 2679. This act (via Cosmic Variance) rules that attorneys who challenge and are successful in overturning government actions that are perceived to be violating the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment cannot recover attorneys fees from the defendant. The Establishment Clause is that section of the First Amendment which prohibits the federal government from declaring and financially supporting a national religion.

Usually, if you sue someone successfully for having encroached upon your constitutional or civil rights, there exists a federal statute which entitles the attorney who represented you to collect his fees not from you, but from the person or entity who was found to be guilty. This new bill will make an exception for cases that allege a violation of the Establishment Clause and require the plaintiff to sue the government out of his own pocket.

Simply put, the US House of Representatives just made it more difficult for an average resident of the US to challenge any governmental actions which, in the view of the resident, are advancing a religious agenda.

Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that there existed a hypothetical religion which included among its most fundamental precepts, a belief that molesting a child is the path to the Lord (any resemblance to an actual religion is merely coincidental). And if the Republican-led US Congress, in order to snag the voter-base consisting of the followers of this religion, decided to sign into law a bill making it mandatory for all Americans to molest a child every sunday. If it so happens that you are not a follower of that religion, you would probably say to yourself, you know what, the First Amendment gives me the religious freedom to choose not to molest a child every sunday. And then, you would contact an attorney and ask him to challenge this mandatory child molestation law in court on your behalf.

In happier times, your attorney would have listened to your side of the story, stamped his legal approval on your contention that the government should quit forcing religion and child molestation down your throat, and agreed to represent you in court, safe in the knowledge that he would be collecting his legal fees from the government if he were to win the suit, regardless of whether you were in a position to pay him or not.

Now, the passage of this new bill would make the decision to sue much more difficult for you. Since the bill absolves the government of any financial responsibilities, instead putting them on your shoulders, essentially, the bill would force you to choose between resigning yourself to a lifestyle of child molestation or spending a boatload of money in battling for your right not to follow that lifestyle. And if you are an average person with an average income and cannot afford an attorney, you would probably choose to molest regardless of the fact that it is against the tenets of your religion.

This bill signifies the continued descent of America into a religious theocracy. It gives the government a free pass to inject religion into any sphere of society it chooses to and places the financial burden of justifying its illegality on the citizen who would disagree with it. And finally, it makes it difficult for a citizen to challenge the government on any matter which the government has deemed to be of a religious nature.

RIP US

The US Senate has passed a bill that suspends the writ of Habeas Corpus. The US government will henceforth be able to legally imprison and torture anyone indefinitely without giving them an opportunity to defend themselves in court, be it US citizen or enemy combatant ('cause we know that one can either be the former or the latter, there is no option C), based on the mere suspicion of being a terrorist. A big thank you to the legal community, we will not be requiring your services any more. We are guilty as charged, fuck judicial procedure and assumption of innocence unless proven guilty.

Good bye Land of the Free, welcome Home of the so fucking craven that they would throw their own mother into a dungeon if they were to catch her eating humus rolled up in a pita.

A few words of caution for anyone with a wheatish complexion. Please dispose of all your turbans and dupattas in a safe and eco-friendly manner. Maintain a clean shaven profile and try not to look terroristy. If you have to venture outside, make sure you do so only under the cover of darkness.

Thank you Democratic Party. Thank you for remembering to wear your diapers before you pissed all over our kitchen floor. The next time someone assaults our rights, we know who to call.

Go here for a eulogy. Then go here to pay your last respects to the dying nation.

Osama if you don't wipe that smirk off your face I'm gonna walk over there and turn off your dialysis machine.

Speaking of fundamentalists, oh oh, Glenn Reynolds, the revered Instapundit, seems to be uncomfortable with this bill. How's that possible? After all, it's the Fearless Leader's wish. Here's why :

According to an email published by Jonah Goldberg, the bill doesn't just apply to aliens.....But if it's true, it's a major problem with the bill, one that increases the likelihood ofits being found unconstitutional, and one that would make me much more unhappy with the bill.

Imprison a foreigner without access to legal aid, attach electrodes to his testicles, hey that's just fine with me, says the Glennster. Just don't do it to an American citizen. 'Cause that would be an unAmerican thing to do.

Pope says dead Byzantine Emperor actually respected Islam

After raising a furor over his comments in an address in Germany, Pope Benedict XVI (16) is now taking steps to quell the rising tide of anger unleashed against him in the Islamic world.

During his address at the University of Regensburg, the pope had quoted 14th-century Byzantine emperor Manuel II Paleologus as having said, "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

Naturally, this led to a violent reaction by Muslims who disagreed with this assessment of their religion, causing the Pope to withdraw the now-dead Emperor's remarks. In a ceremony at the Vatican, the pope re-quoted Emperor Paleologus as having said that he was sorry for the reaction he had caused within the Islamic community and that he had no way of knowing that people in 2006 would still remember his words from 600 years ago which had been uttered during the heat of the moment after losing all his earthly possessions to his friend, Abu Salim during a frantic game of poker.

However, the Muslim world, being unsatisfied with a mere withdrawal of the Emperor's statement, continued to seethe at the pope's quotes of the Emperor's accusation of Islam being a sword-friendly religion, even killing an Italian nun to argue their case. This finally resulted in the pope getting together with a number of diplomats from Islamic countries and telling them that in his latest post-mortem transmission from beyond the grave, the Emperor Paleologus had said that not only was he sorry for the reaction to his quotes, he even respected Islam and that he apologized for having put his good friend Pope Benedict XIV (16) in such a politically precarious position.

On being asked about the reason behind the sudden turn-around in the Emperor's views, the Pope Benedict XVI (16) replied, "Well, it's almost the beginning of Ramadan and the season for fasting and as we all know, hunger can really drive people to violence."

Monday Night Football to restore New Orleans' image as a city of rich black athletes

The NFL game to be played tonight between the New Orleans Saints and the Atlanta Falcons at the Louisiana Superdome will be a major step forward in restoring the aura of wealth and prosperity back on New Orleans, the city that was ravaged by Hurricane Katrina a year ago.

Tonight at 9:00 pm Eastern time, amidst the pomp and pageantry of the NFL's monday night games, the Louisiana Superdome will cast off the depressing image Americans have been associating with it for all of last year, namely, as a refuge for poor black people huddled within its cavernous interior, battling the hurricane raging outside. Instead, the Superdome will once again regain its former image as a place where rich black athletes compete against each other once every two weeks, six months of every year.

Although most of New Orleans' black neighbourhoods still lie in ruins, the return of football to this city is an important milestone in the mission of making New Orleans habitable for tourists staying there for upto two days at a time. It is hoped that the plan for diverting the money earmarked for building schools, hospitals and government buildings into the rebuilding of the Superdome will return rich dividends by bringing football fans to the city, whose fanatical desire for hot dogs, alcohol and marijuana will provide a shot in the arm to the hospitality and drug peddling industries that were the worst hit after the hurricane.

New Orleans Saints wide receiver Joe Horn defended the decision to rebuild the city one football stadium at a time. "If you can rebuild a place that's 1.9 million square feet, you should be able to come back here and rebuild a 3,000-square foot house.", said Mr Horn. "And now that the Superdome has been reconstructed, we now know for a fact that building a 3,000 square foot house indeed lies within our capabilities."

Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco who was responsible for getting the FEMA to pay up 120 million dollars towards the reconstruction of the Superdome, said, "The Superdome was symbolic of a lot of misery. It is now a symbol of recovery. We hope that the brand spanking new sports arena will be a model for New Orleans residents to emulate as they rebuild their own homes and communities on their own."

Governor Blanco also pointed out that a significant portion of the reconstruction of the football stadium was carried out using FEMA funds collected through donations made by hurricane victims themselves. Recognizing the importance of football to their devastated city, these people voluntarily parted with the funds they had received from FEMA as hurricane relief after receiving a request from FEMA to return that money back to the government.

As tonight wears on and the image of NFL players wrestling for possession of the football washes away the image of hurricane refugees wrestling for food and space, the return of football to New Orleans will embody the very basic of American values : Symbolism over Substance.

Stupid post of the day

The solution to gun violence in colleges? To equip every student with a gun. Try to come up with as many reasons as possible why this is not such a good idea. Via the always reliable online repository of stupid posts.

Compassionate conservatism

Steve Centanni and Olaf Wiig, two Fox News correspondents who were kidnapped by a Gaza-based Islamist group, were recently released, but only after their captors forcibly converted them to Islam on camera at gunpoint.

Initially, many conservative bloggers denounced these kidnappings and expressed their support for these reporters. They also vented their anger against anti-Fox News biased liberals who they accused of feeling that the men deserved to be kidnapped. But once the correspondents were released after their conversion to Islam, it was a different story. On their return to America, the reporters received a cold reception from the conservative block, even from those who had previously cried rivers of tears on their behalf.

The reason for this bizarre change of heart? The extraordinary cowardice these men had displayed in submitting, at gun point, to renouncing Christ their faith. Many conservative bloggers even said that in the hypothetical event of themselves being in a similar situation, the hypotheticalness exacerbated by the fact that most of these bloggers will have very few opportunities to encounter battlezone conditions outside of JC Penney post-Thanksgiving sales, they would prefer death to religious conversion. Others claimed that the West's war against militant Islam had suffered a severe blow due to this rather wimpish capitulation of Western reporters to their Muslim captors. Of course, none of these critics actually had a gun pointing to their head as they wrote their brave screed, so it is difficult to know whether they would actually have followed up on their promise of choosing "de-capitation over capitulation" in reality.

Jon Swift, an amazing satirist whose blog I've recently discovered, brilliantly tears all these faux warriors to shreds as he points out the rare courage it takes for a conservative behind a keyboard to defend Christianity and Western values by fearlessly defying the threat of a gun pointed at someone else's head.

To be scared or not to be scared

A few days ago, Glenn Reynolds sank deeper into Kook quagmire by acting as an apologist for the passengers of Flight 613 who kicked a couple of Arab-looking, Arab-speaking men off the plane for being Arab-looking and Arab-speaking. Reynolds justified the knee-jerk reaction of the plane passengers by saying "this is the kind of thing that happens when people don't trust the authorities to protect them". Today, bizarrely, he links to an excellent blog post by Bruce Schneier that warns people not to over-react to the threat of terrorism.

But then, just as one is beginning to wonder whether Reynolds has finally broken through the iron curtain that separates the right-wing fearmongers from normal people, he goes ahead and endorses this goofy warning from a paranoid commenter at the blog post he links to, who says :

"What's to stop terriorists now just getting on flights and acting suspiciously on purpose. If no crime was committed (I was just checking my watch, saying my prayers, going to the bathroom etc.) they can cause disruption, create paranoia and terror at will and get off scott free."

So, after initially asking us to be afraid of Arabs flying on our planes, then warning us not to overreact, Reynolds is now saying that we need to seriously consider a fantastic scenario involving plane-hopping peaceful terrorists who fly from country to country in order to engage in indiscriminate watch-gazing, praying and bathroom-visiting on the plane for the sole purpose of getting that plane diverted and causing people's schedules to go haywire. Okay Glenn, quit confusing me now. Should I be a terrified pant-shitter or not? Just give me a straight answer, yes or no.

Dear God, you kinda lost me there

Hi God, good morning and thank you very much for replying to my instant message and accepting my chat invite :-). I know you are a very busy person and no doubt have numerous fans who send you chat invites and even more who instant message you even when your messenger status clearly says that you are busy and should not be disturbed. God how I hate such people :-(.

But God, please bear with me because I have something very important to ask you. I have to confess God, in the past two weeks you have lost me. I just don't get it, God, I have lost the ability to decipher your signals, I am totally perplexed. As you might be knowing (since you are all-knowing and stuff), I have been following your blog as well as your podcast for many years now, heck, I even play it on my headphones as I sleep because I feel subliminal indoctrination really works. Plus, I try to keep a look-out for any tell-tale messages you might have left for me when I wasn't looking in the form of natural disasters, humanitarian crises and such. For example, it wasn't that hard for me to realize that you created Hurricane Katrina in order to give me a hint that you were kinda pissed at me because I told you I thought my male neighbour was somewhat good-looking, and since then, I have acted on your wishes and inflicted permanent deformity on his face through the use of sulphuric acid. So as you can see God, my neighbour will not be tempting any more innocent men through his sinful yet delectable buttocks ;o) just kidding, God.

But God, I have to admit, for the past two weeks, your messages have been getting increasingly cryptic. I just can't seem to make out what it is that you are trying to tell me. For example, there was that one instance of this tree suddenly starting to spout water through its trunk. What did it mean, God? Why a tree? Why that particular tree? Did you want me to chop down that tree and turn it into a Bible? I know people are saying it might just be a burst water pipe and that the water probably rose up through its trunk, but have you heard anything funnier or less believable than that theory? What next, water rising up through the air? Evolution? ROTFLMAO.

Sorry God, I had to leave my desk because I was actually rolling on the floor there, you know I wouldn't use ROTFLMAO if I wasn't really doing it, don't you? God? God? Oh there you are. Please scroll back for my apology.

So as I was saying, God, then, a week ago, there was that chocolate bar that you sculpted into a statue of the Virgin Mary. Again, I confess, I didn't get it, dear Lord and Savior. Did you not want me to eat that piece of chocolate? I know sometimes eating chocolate can get me to feel a bit, let's say mildly amorous, but I did not know you felt so strongly about it. Or do you believe that chocolates, like human embryos, are living sentient beings and do not wish to be killed? But as I said, this is all just conjecture on my part.

But God, in my humble opinion, what you did in Mumbai was the most puzzling of all your actions. Why did you turn all that seawater sweet? Was it really to cure all of our illnesses and make us immortal? I got my mother back home in India to send me some of that stuff in a bottle, and I gotta tell you God, it really tastes like shit. If what they say is true and it is just the pollution making it sweet, I guess the water's gonna be getting a lot sweeter in the coming days after the sewage discharge of Mumbaikars quadruples on consuming this stuff. But then, God, maybe your point in decreasing the salinity of the sea was to try and get me to reduce the salt intake in my diet. Was that it? Please God, did you look into my future and see elevated blood pressure? I've got to know.

And finally, what is it with this latest sign where you made all those idols drink milk? I didn't know you were into dairy products, who would've guessed? But I guess you are a simple person, just like me ^o^.

But whatever it was, God, I just feel like we are not on the same wavelength anymore. It seems like you are trying to tell me things and that I'm not quite getting them. Could you please be somewhat less ambiguous about your commands? If you want me to go kill someone just tell me that in plain language, send me a text message, an email, please don't use symbols such as, say, a goat that shits a turd in the shape of a revolver or something. Seriously God, that stuff is pretty hard to decipher. Plus, it might just be a coincidence, in which case, I would have committed a sin in your eyes, and as everybody knows, you are only okay with crimes that have been explicitly sanctioned by you.

And about all those other things, God, I have a humble suggestion. Just create a Wikipedia entry and add detailed explanations as to your real intent behind performing all those wonderful miracles. And don't worry, no one's gonna edit it. After all, people don't want to go to Hell, do they?

Bye God and thank you for chatting with me. I will let George W. Bush know you said Hello.

XOXOXOX on your feet.

Airline to allow passengers to land and take off

Close on the heels of its critically acclaimed and highly successful new policy of allowing passengers to take airplane security into their own hands by kicking anyone they suspect of being a terrorist off the plane, UK-based Monarch Airlines has announced its newest initiative for enhancing traveller comfort during the journey. This new policy initiative will allow any Monarch airlines passenger concerned about the pilot's ability to take off or land the plane to carry out the task himself.

Towards this end, every passenger seat in the newly ordered Boeing 787-8 Dreamliners will come equipped with a joystick and a complete set of controls for flying the plane. In the event of any passenger feeling mentally threatened due to a perceived lack of confidence in the pilot's flying capabilities, the passenger will be able to switch to manual override and take over the plane himself.

Air travellers applauded this new feature. "When I am landing or taking off, I always feel nervous, I keep wondering whether the pilot has extended his flaps, whether the landing gear is down, or if there are any other planes in the way", explained passenger Heath Schofield. "Now instead of relying on the pilot, I can check on all these things myself. The only person I trust to keep myself safe is me."

Blogger Glenn Reynolds agreed with this assessment. "This is the kind of thing that happens when people don't trust the authorities to protect them from incompetent pilots", said Mr Reynolds. "After all, the probability of getting killed in a plane crash due to pilot error is almost 1 in a million. In fact, it is even greater than the probability of your plane getting hijacked by terrorists. Therefore, it makes sense for every passenger to be allowed access to the controls of the plane in order to safeguard their own lives."

Blogger Sister Toldjah had a different angle on the issue. "If you look at most plane crashes, they all occurred with a pilot at the controls. Thus, it is necessary for air travellers to refuse to fly any plane manned by a "pilot". This isn't profiling, it is just common sense."

In its ongoing effort to improve the quality of its service, Monarch Airlines is now considering keeping a handgun under every seat in the plane in order to allow passengers to shoot anyone who begins to display a terrorist-like demeanour after the plane has taken off.

Inane Instapundit link of the day

Glenn Reynolds puts up a post on the British terror plot and says :

"Some people have decided that the war on terror is passe. But although you may not be interested in terrorism, terrorism is still interested in you."

When Glenn Greenwald takes him to task (via) on making such an arbitrary statement without backing it up with evidence, Reynolds amends his post, adding a link to someone who, one would think, would presumably be supplying the evidence needed to back up Reynolds' statement by providing a list of people arranged in alphabetical order who've decided that terror is passe.

On clicking through that link, all we get is this insanely stupid post by Roger Simon, which is nothing but a childish diatribe directed towards Ned Lamont who won the CT democratic primary over Bush choirboy Joe Lieberman. This diatribe is basically a fictional account of how the author imagines Mr Lamont's reaction to the foiling of the terror plot would be. Let me repeat this. The Instapundit, when asked to back up his statement that "some people have decided that terror is passe", links to someone who conjures up a fictional reaction from Ned Lamont which purportedly proves that he thinks terror is passe.

This post is so asinine that words fail me. It fails to make a single point except that whoever voted for Ned Lamont was, in some way, pro-Islamic fascism. No, it does not provide a single shred of evidence to back that claim. Mr Simon says is :

"No one looks dopier today than the collection of self-righteous fuddy-duddies who voted for Ned Lamont in Tuesday's Democratic Primary in Connecticut. In the darkness of his soul Lamont himself must be wondering how to react to the news that another ten jets filled with innocent human beings were about to explode over the Atlantic. Not good for his campaign."

And then he follows up with some Coulterish babble which of course, is devoid of any meaning whatsoever.

But Mr Simon does not specify what, if anything, does Mr Lamont's being anti-Iraq war have to do with the British terror plot. Secondly, it does not prove that Mr Lamont thinks terror is passe. All in all it is one of the saddest, stupidest right-wing posts I've ever read. And I feel bad for Glenn Reynolds that this is the best he could come up with to support his statement. In my opinion, he should have looked some more, maybe even used ask.com. But he probably just didn't have time. I think we should give him the benefit of doubt because he is a busy person with many friends and family who need to be linked to.

Monday morning hafta

Go here. It is up. And feel free to browse around. It's all good.

Israel apologizes for attack on UN post, says it forgot to reprogram American-made bombs

Israel has accepted full responsibility for its attack on a United Nations post in Southern Lebanon on tuesday, which resulted in its total destruction as well as the deaths of two four UN observers. This attack, carried out through smart bombs that were shipped to Israel by the US, dazzled the international community by its precision targetting of UN personnel while keeping Lebanese civilian casualties to a minimum. Israel has apologized to the international community, saying that it forgot to reprogram the targeting mechanism of these smart bombs, which, as they leave American assembly-lines, come preprogrammed to destroy UN bases throughout the world.

The United States, which is currently engaged in a perpetual state of warfare against the United Nations, has developed a huge arsenal of bombs to be utilized in attacks against that organization and its peacekeeping bases throughout the world. These bombs involve state of the art technology which allows them to determine the locations of UN personnel on the ground and target them for elimination with pinpoint accuracy.

The US has already added the United Nations to its list of "rogue terrorist organizations", and has accused it of being actively involved in aiding worldwide terrorism and insurgency by refusing to provide the US with a blank check for invading any country it pleases. The UN has also angered Americans by carrying out peacekeeping and humanitarian missions in countries attacked by the US or any of its allies, in this case, Israel.

Many American conservatives have advocated that in addition to eliminating United Nations terrorist camps throughout the world, the United States should not balk at destroying those that exist on its own soil, regardless of the American casualties that would result in the process. These counterterrorism experts justify these casualties by saying that "if by ignorance, complicity, neglect or helplessness the Americans wouldn't throw the UN out and establish a strong government, then they must pay the price for the sins of the UN". Although most agree that the appointment of John Bolton's moustache as American ambassador to the United Nations was a step in the right direction, more needs to be done towards bringing the UN to its knees in order to force it to toe the line of American foreign policy regardless of its ill-effects on the rest of the UN member nations.

The Hindustan Times quotes us

Over the weekend, the July 23rd issue of the Hindustan Times gave us some print space and quoted our thoughts on the Indian government's blocking of websites. Here is the entire column. Other bloggers who were also quoted were Patrix of Nerve Endings Firing Away and Samanth Subramaniam of A Writer and his Webblahg.

Look to your right. I am a celeb hiker. Yeah, the print's kinda small but here's the quote :

This 30-year-old with a day job as a software developer in the US prefers to be known as killer.eggplant or curiousgawker. Took to blogging in 2005 because it was either that, or “standing on a park bench with a mike”

‘How can citizens trust a government not to screw up a good policy when it cannot even manage to bring a bad policy to success?’

The other two celeb hikers had their pictures accompanying their quotes. Due to my dogged refusal to provide a mugshot of myself, they added some kind of a fruit to give a human face to my quotes. After consuming the better part of a day and a half in mulling over the philosophical significance of having a fruit for a face, I finally realized that it was an eggplant with horns. 'Cause I am a killer eggplant. Which happens to be my email ID. It all made sense now.

To be honest, when I chose "killer eggplant" as my new email ID, I wasn't really sure if I was making the right move and whether I should postpone the decision to a time of less inebriation. But now I realize it was a good choice on my part. Those horns, man. They are the bomb. And the bright green of the dangling leaf proves that I am still garden fresh. I am pretty sure that I would make a delicious baingan bharta. Thank you HT graphics artist.

Update : After some more investigation and exploration of avenues, we managed to find an enlarged viewer-friendly version of the column.

Hindu Republic of Pakistan behind Mumbai blasts, says Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid

The Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid, Mr Syed Ahmed Bukhari, today denounced the Hindu Republic of Pakistan for its involvement in the Mumbai bomb blasts of July 11 (via comments at The Acorn). Speaking to a gathering of worshippers inside the historic 350 year old Jama Masjid mosque, Mr Bukhari lambasted the Central government for falsely implying that the Islamic fundamentalist Lashkar-e-Toiba organization was responsible for the blasts and added that in all likelihood, it was neighbouring Hindu Pakistan that had a hand in the attacks.

Mr Bukhari was especially critical of the Indian government's quickness to lay blame at the feet of this humanitarian organization. Pointing to the Lashkar-e-Toiba's pioneering work in feeding the homeless and clothing the naked, Mr Bukhari said that it was inconceivable that this peaceful organization would even know how to manufacture explosives out of ammonium nitrate and RDX, technology which Mr Bukhari claimed, has never left the inner sanctum of the mosque.

On being asked who, in his opinion, were the actual perpetrators of the bomb blasts, Mr Bukhari suggested that RSS cadets and Shiv Sena insurgents operating from across the border were most probably the culprits. "A cursory glance at Indian history will show that most bomb blasts that have occurred in this country have been traced to Hindu militants funded and trained by Pakistan. In this case, there is no reason to believe otherwise."

Mr Bukhari ended his speech by denouncing the government's policy of singling out Islamic terrorists for persecution. "We want equality before the law'', said Mr Bukhari, alleging that Maoists and insurgent groups in the North-East were receiving preferential treatment."It is high time that the government shed its centuries old communalistic mindset and started embracing terrorists of all castes and creeds".

Is this the future of mankind

Israeli children writing final words on bombs meant to kill the Lebanese. Can anybody seriously look into the future of the middle-east and claim that war in that region is going to solve anything?

And what the fuck are the parents of these kids doing, infusing them with such hatred? To all Indians who point a finger towards Israel and gushingly proclaim, "Look at those ballsy guys, they're surrounded by enemies and yet they continue to survive", while advocating that India follow a similar policy of eternal warfare towards its neighbours, I would like to ask these people, do you seriously want your kids to turn into monsters like these?

Something to think about.

Update : More here and here (H/T : Electric Blues in the comments). It appears that the children were a victim of media manipulation. However, I am nevertheless aghast at the parents who allowed their kids to be photographed signing those bombs and the media's publishing of these images which can only serve to inflame the situation some more.

It is also necessary to point out that the sight of Arab kids dressed up as suicide bombers is as despicable as that of Israeli kids signing bombs. How about keeping the next generation of humans untainted with all the hatred of our times?

Poll shows unused human embryos would rather be flushed down the toilet than be used in life-saving research

A new poll carried out by the Bush White House conclusively proves that more human embryos would prefer to be destroyed by being flushed down the toilet than being used for stem cell research.

The US Senate passed legislation yesterday which would expand federal funding towards stem cell research, utilizing human embryos from fertility clinics that would otherwise have been discarded. The study of human stem cells contains a vast potential for discovering cures to various debilitatory diseases such as diabetes, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's by virtue of the unique property embryonic stem cells have of transforming themselves into a variety of specialized body cells.

President Bush, however, has expressed his intent to veto the legislation, saying, "We do not know whether the embryos would wish to die a natural death in the sewers of our cities or be used to save the lives of our citizens."

In order to gauge popular opinion, human embryos stored in fertility clinics nationwide were woken up from their state of embryonicity in order to ascertain their view about the Senate legislation. Although most were unable to respond to questions or any other form of sensory stimulii, many succeeded in communicating telepathically to White House pollsters, saying that even though their knowledge of the Bible was limited, their faith forbade them from being used to further the cause of science.

Most Senate Democrats, excepting one, voted for the legislation. However, Republicans not afflicted by diseases the study of stem cells could find a cure for, have supported President Bush's intention of vetoing the bill and quashing stem cell research. The White House, in turn, responded by saying that "It's inappropriate for the federal government to finance something that many people consider murder." "Go Israel", added Tony Snow, the White House spokesman.

The incompetence of the Indian government

Man, this really makes me squirm in embarassment. The Indian government is actually mispelling the websites it wishes to block, and as a result, blocking the wrong ones . Forget the really obvious incorrectly blocked websites like Princess Kimberly. Where the government really screws up is in blocking the following websites:

• http://pajamaeditors.blogspot.com : Er .. what? This site gets an average of 24 visitors a day. Is it possible that the government actually wanted to ban the Pajamas Media website (http://pajamasmedia.com) , a kinda mediocre, but nevertheless popular aggregation of right wing pro-Bush bloggers? Did someone in the government google "pajama" and ban every website that appeared in the search results?

• http://exposingtheleft.blogspot.com : This is an easy one. I think it's safe to say that the government probably wished to block the rabidly right-wing and much accessed website Expose the Left (http://exposetheleft.com) and not Exposing the Left, which, with all due respect to the "editors" of the website, isn't as big a player in conservative psycho-babble and Bush-worship as is its almost-namesake.

• http://mypetjava.mu.nu : I don't know what the fuck this site is about. Looks like one of those technical geeky ones. More blockable, however, is this one, The Jawa Report , (http://mypetjawa.mu.nu) , also a hugely popular right-wing pro-Bush website. Notice the difference? jawa, versus java.

• And finally, http://thepirateco.us doesn't even fucking exist. Who the heck knows what this was supposed to be. Maybe someone in the government has an irrational fear of pirates. Or something.

Goddamnit, can't the Indian government even indulge in some freedom-curtailing and dictatorial authoritarianism without skewering its dignity in the process? How can one trust a government to pursue and catch the perpetrators of the Mumbai bomb blasts when it can't even bring its ludicrously wrong-headed policies to a successful conclusion? Christ, these clowns can't even do the wrong things right. It's like the neighbourhood peeping Tom who climbs the wrong tree in front of the wrong house and spends the night trying to peep into the wrong window. Shit, this government sickens and embarasses me with its ineptitude.

Ann Coulter running out of English language based profanity

Reports suggest that conservative commentator Ann Coulter has hired a team of consultants from Harvard University's Department of Linguistics to help her sift through thousands of dictionaries and thesauruses in order to dig up any words of profanity in the English language she might have missed during her career as a deranged right wing polemicist.

The best-selling author first became aware of her rapidly depleting repertoire of English language based profanity while venting her spleen at the widows of the 9/11 attacks in her new book. Speaking to reporters, Ms Coulter said, "I tried to come up with words to describe these...these..these...bimbos and could only manage 'witches' and 'harpies'. That's when I realized I was in serious....doo doo."

Ms Coulter, in a constant attempt to keep her writing fresh and her hate-mongering free of cliched catch phrases that are typical of most right-wing polemicists, has always strived to come up with newer and more horrifically vulgar phraseology to describe people she doesn't agree with politically. However, the high frequency and verbosity of her outpourings of rage and hate has finally caused Ms. Coulter to reach the limits of English language's abusive potential.

"When I read today that Michael Schiavo was going to be campaigning for a Democratic candidate for the post of Governor of Florida, the blood rushed to my head and I rushed to my computer to write an article", said Ms Coulter. "But I just couldn't come up with anything. The only words I managed to type out were what a bad bad person he was. Michael Schiavo is a very bad evil stupid bad man. God, somebody please help me, I am losing my ability to articulate my hatred in rabidly poisonous format", she sniffed.

Apart from penning a diatribe on Michael Schiavo's evilness, Ms Coulter has a couple of other projects in the works such as her upcoming article berating the community of amoral secular liberal Galapagos island finches who, contrary to the anti-evolutionist claims she makes in her new book, are actually continuing to evolve from large-beaked birds into smaller-beaked birds due to the scarcity of large seeds on the islands.

Keeping in mind the future of her career in mud-slinging and name-calling, Ms Coulter is exploring the potential for incorporating non-English languages into her writing. "My editor tells me that many Indian and Far-Eastern languages are actually treasure troves for profanity-seekers", she explained. "Look forward to a liberal infusion of Hindi and Mandarin-based invective in all my future columns."

Ann Coulter conservative evolution Michael Schiavo

Mumbai

When will the insanity end?

100163 dead (and counting).

Go here to leave a message for your folks if you can't get through. All the best.

Hugh Hewitt, please shut the fuck up.

Update : Apparently an unexploded bomb was defused (via Ultrabrown). This would constitute fresh evidence for the police to work on. The first few hours are probably the most critical in pursuing the perpetrators. During this time it is essential for instigators from both sides to lay off the theatrics and let the police do their work.

Update2 : Many right wing bloggers in the US (eg : abovementioned Hewitt) are somehow trying to link these bomb blasts with their own selfish pro-Bush agenda, as bongopondit pointed out in the comments. The rest are engaging in highly clueless analysis of the events. For example Captain Ed of the prominent right wing "Captain's Quarters" blog. Here is his erudite commentary :

It looks like al-Qaeda or an Islamofascist offshoot has decided to add another nation to its blood enemies.

and

What motivated AQ to go after India? It's hardly the first country one associates with the West, and many Muslims live within the majority-Hindu nation.

It's almost as if Captain Ed woke up today, discovered the existence of a country called India through CNN and decided it was time he graced us with his expert opinion on Indian politics. Dear Captain Ed, India has been afflicted by Pakistan and Al Qaida sponsored terrorism long before the US stopped supplying Al Qaida (and Pakistan) with arms and weaponry. Then, the learned Captain opines :

But mostly AQ and other Islamist terrorists have targeted tourists, and India is in the middle of its tourist season.

Uh what? Tourist season in mid-monsoon? Can't get any more clueless than that. Furthermore,

AQ wants to destroy India's economy, fragile enough as it is, by keeping tourists away from the country.

Ah, thank you, Captain Ed, for clarifying the terrorists' intent, namely, to destroy India's economy, which is supposedly wholly reliant on all those wealthy Western tourists. It probably makes Captain Ed feel good inside, thinking that tourists from his part of the world are solely responsible for keeping India's economy continuing to chug along like the old decrepit tractor that it is. And finally,

It looks like India will have a 7/11 to match Madrid's 3/11 and our 9/11.

No more special dates for us, thank you. We've already had too many of those.

Update3 : Major roundups : Desipundit , Ultrabrown, India Uncut, Gaurav Sabnis

Update4 : Forgot to mention it yesterday but kudos to everyone who worked trying to connect anxious family members at Mumbaihelp. Great going, people. Here's another place to go to for help (via Aravind through comments).

The Other India

The good folks at "How the Other Half Lives" have invited me to blog alongside them and so here I am, doing exactly that.

Here's my first post.

Stupid Joe Biden

"You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent."

Joe Biden (political career 1973 - 2006)

Video here. (via Atrios).

You know, I wouldn't be so offended if it weren't for the fact that we Indians try so goddamn hard to fake an American accent while talking to other Americans, can't we at least get some recognition for our efforts?

Defense Secretary's supporters worried about his defense

Supporters of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld expressed some trepidation regarding the possibility of his home becoming the target of future terror attacks. The Defense Secretary's weekend retreat in Maryland entered the spotlight after the New York Times revealed its whereabouts in a travel-oriented article featuring the village of St Michael's where it is located. The publishing of this article is now causing concern among his fans in the blogosphere who are skeptical about the Defense Secretary's ability to defend his own home from a terror attack.

"By writing an article based upon publicly available facts about Secretary Rumsfeld's home, the Times has committed treason", said a prominent right-wing blogger. "How is a defense secretary who has failed to prevent a terrorist attack against the country supposed to prevent terrorists from attacking his private residence?"

Conservative critics of the Times article are saying that information contained in the article could be used by terrorists to plot mischief against Secretary Rumsfeld whose credibility in the field of defense has been severely undermined after the failed Iraqi occupation.

"Look, we like and respect the guy because he is a Bush appointee but let's face it, he is not very good at his job", said a Rumsfeld fan. "He is the one who invaded Iraq in order to capture weapons of mass destruction and then sat back and allowed the Iraqis to raid unguarded weapons dumps. The New York Times should, therefore, have taken into consideration his relative incompetence in matters of defense before describing his home for terrorists to target."

Most of the Defense Secretary's supporters were also unswayed by the argument that Rumsfeld himself had given Times reporters permission to photograph his home. "Everything the Defense Secretary says has to be taken with a grain of salt", said a blogger who was worried about the safety of his idol. "He once justified the looting in Iraq by claiming that free people are free to commit crimes. It would be irresponsible on our part to lay on him the onerous task of securing his own safety from terrorists. Who knows, he might even invite them into his house for a tour of his gun collection. He needs to be protected, the poor baby."

Calling on all feminists

Dear feminists of the female persuasion,

Please listen up. Organized religion and feminism cannot go together. I repeat. Organized religion, namely, the sex-hating, women-subjugating archaic set of rules that were devised when dinosaurs ruled the earth and man was just a twinkle in an ape's DNA strand, can never co-exist with the idea that women deserve to be on an equal footing with men in all walks of life. Go here. It is explained slowly and with much lucidity. If you desire more explanations, go here. Thank you for listening. You may now return to your rolling pins.

A frustrated co-warrior

Pre-emptive scavenging

Vultures hovering around the space shuttle. Why? 'Cause of this.

Why stop at Bin Laden's driver

What about his dentist, grocer, nanny, plumber, midwife and personal hygiene consultant? Let's arrest 'em all and haul their asses to The Gitmo. Everyone except the big guy himself, yeah? And by the same token, by God, if I see President George W. Bush's driver on my route to work, the black guy who probably didn't even vote for him, I'm gonna let him have a piece of my mind. How dare he chauffeur around a war criminal?

Oh and let's not forget the bastards who lost all their savings and retirement funds in the Enron debacle. Yeah, the employees. How dare they work for someone who duped them out of everything they had? If you ask me, those fuckers are as much to blame as are Ken Lay and his homeboy Jazzy Jeff. Fry their asses.

Are the conservatives fucking idiots? He's a fucking driver. Not a terrorist. Now repeat this along with me : I will stop pooping my pants whenever Osama Bin Laden is mentioned. There, now didn't that make you feel better?

Hamdan Bush

Why Barack Obama just lost my respect

"Kneeling beneath that cross on the South Side of Chicago, I felt I heard God's spirit beckoning me. I submitted myself to his will and dedicated myself to discovering his truth."

Sounds like something President George W. Bush might say, doesn't it? Actually these are the words of Democratic Illinois Senator Barack Obama as he admonished his fellow democrats for neglecting to pander to the evangelists and the rest of the God-loving people of America.

"Not every mention of God in public is a breach to the wall of separation. Context matters"

says Sen. Obama. My question to him is, how is the mention of God even relevant to the duties of a public servant? Why the need to mention God at all? And what determines this overpowering necessity to mention God, is it the religiosity of the public or that of the public servant? If, say, the public servant is an atheist, is it still incumbent upon him to keep bringing up God just to score a point with his voter base?

Obama further says, "millions of Christians, Muslims and Jews have traveled similar religious paths, and that is why we cannot abandon the field of religious discourse." Sure, they all followed similar paths, the similarity lying in their intense common desire to wipe each other off the face of the planet. That and an unwholesome belief in an imaginary Supreme Being, one who is benevolent only towards their own particular faith.

"Secularists are wrong when they ask believers to leave their religion at the door before entering the public square", he further adds. But no one is asking you to leave your religion at the door, Sen. Obama. You may be as feverishly religious as you desire. The only expectation we have from our leaders is not to craft sex toys out of their religious fervor and repeatedly shove them up our butts in a manner popularized by our current president and his Congressional sidekicks. Be religious on your own time, not on taxpayer funded time.

Sadly, I believe that in spite of my dismay with Sen. Obama's statements, this is probably the shrewdest stance he could have assumed within the American political theater. It is sure to catapult him to a prime position for running for President in the near future. However, it is also a very selfish and condescending position to assume because not only does he unilaterally elevate himself above the common garden variety democrat as he floats on a cloud of moral righteousness, he also marginalizes the rest of the Democratic party, whose secular members might find it ethically questionable or just plain stupid to play the religious card in order to garner a few votes.

Measuring tape shortages causing hemline violations to rise in Madhya Pradesh

An acute shortage of measuring tapes in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh is causing it to descend into a vortex of criminal activity involving rising hemlines.

Madhya Pradesh, a state which is passing a law restricting women from wearing short skirts in educational institutions, is doing away with traditional police accessories such as guns, batons and handcuffs, instead, providing law enforcement officers with measuring tapes that will help them regulate limb visibility. These measuring tapes will be useful in tracking down and prosecuting female students who are guilty of violating the law by wearing skirts that culminate above their knees.

Sushma Arya, a member of the Madhya Pradesh Women's Commission, elaborated on how the measure would help women by forcibly disallowing them from looking good enough to rape. "One would think that the best way to curb crimes against women would be to arrest the perpetrator of the crime, but one would be wrong", said Ms Arya. "We now know that the root of the crime lies not in the man's sexually deprived mind but in the erotic content of the victim's legs."

In order to make way for this new law, previous laws requiring police to arrest eve-teasers and sexual predators have been scrapped, thereby freeing up manpower that would be better utilized elsewhere, for example, installing roadblocks to carry out random hemline measurements. However, police have complained that even after divesting them of their old equipment, the state government has yet to send them the requisite number of measuring tapes they need to prevent these feminine offenders from getting themselves molested.

"We have been receiving a huge number of tip-offs from people who say they've seen a short skirt here and an exposed calf there", said police constable Ramdas. "Even though most turn out to be false leads, we are still not able to follow up on all of them since we are basically guesstimating the skirt-lengths. God only knows how many bare legs we have mistakenly let loose on society and how many innocent men will be lured to a life of unavoidable crime on being seduced by their buttery charms."

Ms. Sushma Arya has responded to the measuring tape shortage by proposing a temporary alternative solution. "Till such a time as we are able to provide law enforcement agencies with the tools they need to prevent hemline violation crimes, the only permissible garments women will be allowed to wear are full-fitting black robes that would cover their bodies from head to toe," said Ms Arya. "This isn't a religious thing, it is merely a precautionary measure to protect society from these long-legged fiends."