For all you right wing assjockeys climbing over each other's scaly backs, trying to shout louder than the one below you, trying to emotionally blackmail Cindy Sheehan by implying her dead son would not approve of what she is doing today, I have this to say to you.
Shut the fuck up. No, you may not speak. I do not want to hear what you have to say. No, you do not know about Casey Sheehan's opinions about the Iraq war. And if he did have an opinion, his mother was in a much better position to know what it was than all you fucktards. She was the one who wrote him letters when he was in Iraq, not you. She was the one who spoke to him on the phone while he was in active combat, not you. You have no opinion here, no leg to stand on. Simply put, this is none of your fucking business. This is between a grieving mother and the asshole who sent her son off to war under a false pretext. So stop sucking on your great leader's cock and fuck off each and every one of you. Go hibernate under a fucking rock. Only come back once this is all over, and the bastard in the White House (currently getting fellated at a resort in Idaho by a Mexican geisha) has apologized to the grieving mother. But till then, put a sock in it. There is no place for you right now in Crawford or anywhere else. Fuck off. Now.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Blood for oil : The Christian Coalition way
Pat Robertson, the founder of the Christian Coalition, a radical right-wing organization, and host of the television show the 700 Club, has called for the assassination of the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez (via Atrios).
Now, I've seen this show many times on television. In fact, after Seinfeld and the Daily Show, that is my favorite show on tv. They air it around 11:30 at night on what else .. the Fox Family Channel, after the children are safely tucked into bed, although I would have thought they would want the children of this country watching this marvellous, magical, educational heap of piety.
The show consists of the good Reverend, talking about God and love and reaching out to Jesus, making Jesus a part of your life and being a good Christian and so on and so forth. Intermittently, there are news breaks, where current events are analyzed through a Christian point of view. And by his side sits this angelic looking woman with a halo, wearing a skirt demurely reaching just upto her knees (for anything higher, that would not be a Christian thing to do), who looks as if she were entirely at peace with life and the world, and who you assume has been fed on freshly churned butter and red apples and everything else that is nice and good and decent in nature. And sometimes, there is also a freshly scrubbed, cherubic young man in a suit and tie, emanating a healthy glow, who in spite of being in the throes of wild and unGodly youth, looks as if he would be more at home going around door to door selling bibles to brown people. And everyone radiates such harmony and benevolence towards all mankind, that while watching, I frequently weep uncontrollable tears of joy and faith into my beer.
But the section of the show that is the most interesting and on the cutting-edge of modern scientific technology is where the Rev. Pat seems to go into a trance and somehow communicates directly with God (or one of His Minions), and God (or the minion) informs him that there is a woman in Ohio whom, in his infinite compassion, He has now cured of diabetes. God might or might not give the Rev. Pat her name, although the Rev Pat does not give us her name, no sir, he would much rather keep that to himself. Then, he broadcasts the breaking news of the miraculous cure of this woman on his show, the audience learns that there is a woman in Ohio who does not have to watch her blood sugar level anymore, cries of "Hallelujah" and "Praise be unto the Lord" ripple through the land, all the poor suffering female diabetics in Ohio, who are watching the Rev. Pat Robertson pontificate, run to their cookie jar in a wild post-diabetic orgy of glucose celebration, polish it all off, mysteriously fall into a hyperglycemic coma and die.
I can sense that some of you might not believe this actually happens on American cable television. All I can say to that is, welcome to 21st century America.
So, that was a brief introduction to the wonder of medical science that is the Rev. Pat Robertson. But that is all beside the point. The point here is that the Rev. Pat, who has a sizeable number of followers in this country and appears to suggest to us that he is a good decent Christian, is encouraging President Bush on-air to assassinate the President of a sovereign nation. Check out his reasoning:
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
The doctrine of assassination? Assassination isn't a fucking "doctrine", you self-righteous prick, assassination is murder, plain and simple. Pray do not, for the love of God, bestow upon it an aura of respectability by calling it a doctrine. But ranting apart, what he is saying is, it's economically more sensible for the US to just kill some guy than start a war. Note that he doesn't justify the killing of this one guy by saying it might save a number of innocent lives, he is just concerned with saving money.
"This is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly.".....We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.
Mmmm oil...my favorite food. And green, my favorite color. A combination so wholesome, so delectable, it could only be divine. Christian compassion, trumped over by a country's addiction to black gold. And the greenback. You know that a country's lost all sense of perspective and moral direction, becoming a whore to capitalism when it's religious leaders masturbate to amorous visions of flowing rivers of cheap gasoline and a booming economy.
And hey, when the religious leadership is so bewitched by the voodoo of oil, can you blame the political leadership of the country for being so too? After all, the president claims to be a man of faith.
Update : Funny, but in recent days, the Rude Pundit and I seem to be having our rants perfectly synchronized. Here he is, as usual, raising the art of polemic to a whole new level.
"Robertson wants the U.S. to assassinate legally-elected Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Ain't that what we call a 'fatwa' in other contexts? Or should we just call it more bloviation and bullshit from a man who's been buggering Jesus on live television for decades?"
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Now, I've seen this show many times on television. In fact, after Seinfeld and the Daily Show, that is my favorite show on tv. They air it around 11:30 at night on what else .. the Fox Family Channel, after the children are safely tucked into bed, although I would have thought they would want the children of this country watching this marvellous, magical, educational heap of piety.
The show consists of the good Reverend, talking about God and love and reaching out to Jesus, making Jesus a part of your life and being a good Christian and so on and so forth. Intermittently, there are news breaks, where current events are analyzed through a Christian point of view. And by his side sits this angelic looking woman with a halo, wearing a skirt demurely reaching just upto her knees (for anything higher, that would not be a Christian thing to do), who looks as if she were entirely at peace with life and the world, and who you assume has been fed on freshly churned butter and red apples and everything else that is nice and good and decent in nature. And sometimes, there is also a freshly scrubbed, cherubic young man in a suit and tie, emanating a healthy glow, who in spite of being in the throes of wild and unGodly youth, looks as if he would be more at home going around door to door selling bibles to brown people. And everyone radiates such harmony and benevolence towards all mankind, that while watching, I frequently weep uncontrollable tears of joy and faith into my beer.
But the section of the show that is the most interesting and on the cutting-edge of modern scientific technology is where the Rev. Pat seems to go into a trance and somehow communicates directly with God (or one of His Minions), and God (or the minion) informs him that there is a woman in Ohio whom, in his infinite compassion, He has now cured of diabetes. God might or might not give the Rev. Pat her name, although the Rev Pat does not give us her name, no sir, he would much rather keep that to himself. Then, he broadcasts the breaking news of the miraculous cure of this woman on his show, the audience learns that there is a woman in Ohio who does not have to watch her blood sugar level anymore, cries of "Hallelujah" and "Praise be unto the Lord" ripple through the land, all the poor suffering female diabetics in Ohio, who are watching the Rev. Pat Robertson pontificate, run to their cookie jar in a wild post-diabetic orgy of glucose celebration, polish it all off, mysteriously fall into a hyperglycemic coma and die.
I can sense that some of you might not believe this actually happens on American cable television. All I can say to that is, welcome to 21st century America.
So, that was a brief introduction to the wonder of medical science that is the Rev. Pat Robertson. But that is all beside the point. The point here is that the Rev. Pat, who has a sizeable number of followers in this country and appears to suggest to us that he is a good decent Christian, is encouraging President Bush on-air to assassinate the President of a sovereign nation. Check out his reasoning:
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
The doctrine of assassination? Assassination isn't a fucking "doctrine", you self-righteous prick, assassination is murder, plain and simple. Pray do not, for the love of God, bestow upon it an aura of respectability by calling it a doctrine. But ranting apart, what he is saying is, it's economically more sensible for the US to just kill some guy than start a war. Note that he doesn't justify the killing of this one guy by saying it might save a number of innocent lives, he is just concerned with saving money.
"This is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly.".....We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.
Mmmm oil...my favorite food. And green, my favorite color. A combination so wholesome, so delectable, it could only be divine. Christian compassion, trumped over by a country's addiction to black gold. And the greenback. You know that a country's lost all sense of perspective and moral direction, becoming a whore to capitalism when it's religious leaders masturbate to amorous visions of flowing rivers of cheap gasoline and a booming economy.
And hey, when the religious leadership is so bewitched by the voodoo of oil, can you blame the political leadership of the country for being so too? After all, the president claims to be a man of faith.
Update : Funny, but in recent days, the Rude Pundit and I seem to be having our rants perfectly synchronized. Here he is, as usual, raising the art of polemic to a whole new level.
"Robertson wants the U.S. to assassinate legally-elected Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Ain't that what we call a 'fatwa' in other contexts? Or should we just call it more bloviation and bullshit from a man who's been buggering Jesus on live television for decades?"
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Nature's Footsoldier vs The Freeway
I was stuck on the 202 freeway, moving at a snail's pace on a hot summer weekend. The heat was rising in waves from the concrete of the freeway, combining with the exhaust of the car ahead of me and making everything in front of me dance and shimmer. Why the fuck was there so much traffic on a sunday? God only knew. The stretch of freeway I was on is strange, in that routes 202 and 422 move parallel to each other at that point, so there are in all 10 lanes of traffic sitting side by side.
So as I sat there, engaging and disengaging my stick-shift, fuming at the world, I saw something that caught my eye. From the right concrete breakers of the freeway there emerged a butterfly. Not an ordinary one, not one of those small yellowish white flitters you see racing around meadows, but a big daddy. A beautiful black butterfly with all kinds of red, white and blue markings on it. The kind you see hovering around flowers in the wild, wings flapping almost in slow motion, those fat fuckers who are so humongous and lazy that as they land on a flower, they don't even bother moving their wings, just sit there still like narcissists, inviting you to admire their plumage and take a picture.
So it was one of these guys that I saw entering the freeway. The first thought that passed through my mind is where the hell did this guy come from right slam bang in the middle of a concrete wasteland? And the next was, are you fucking kidding me butterfly, you've got to be pretty arrogant to think you'll be able to cross the freeway and reach the other side in one piece.
It was obvious that the poor bastard had already been pretty banged up while crossing route 422. Now, it entered my side of the freeway, lurching around, getting walloped by car exhaust, rising and falling periodically perhaps with the wind, the exhaust, or just it's cyclically fluctuating energy. Finally, it reached the divider, paused in mid-air, fluttering above the concrete median as if to take a last deep breath before diving into the fast moving traffic on the other side. And then, it plunged in.
Here, cars were screaming past. As every car raced beneath it, the butterfly would be thrown up by the wall of air that preceded it. Then, it would tumble down like a stone almost to street level where it would again beat it's wings furiously and rise up, only to be pummelled again. Every moment I expected it's odyssey to end with a final sickening splat into the windshield of some vehicle. But, against all odds, it slowly moved from lane to lane, progressing past all the cars and 18-wheelers flying by. Finally, it reached the edge of the freeway and with a last, triumphant shimmy, went out of sight, and hopefully, into a better world.
Nature had won today. I went home feeling happy.
So as I sat there, engaging and disengaging my stick-shift, fuming at the world, I saw something that caught my eye. From the right concrete breakers of the freeway there emerged a butterfly. Not an ordinary one, not one of those small yellowish white flitters you see racing around meadows, but a big daddy. A beautiful black butterfly with all kinds of red, white and blue markings on it. The kind you see hovering around flowers in the wild, wings flapping almost in slow motion, those fat fuckers who are so humongous and lazy that as they land on a flower, they don't even bother moving their wings, just sit there still like narcissists, inviting you to admire their plumage and take a picture.
So it was one of these guys that I saw entering the freeway. The first thought that passed through my mind is where the hell did this guy come from right slam bang in the middle of a concrete wasteland? And the next was, are you fucking kidding me butterfly, you've got to be pretty arrogant to think you'll be able to cross the freeway and reach the other side in one piece.
It was obvious that the poor bastard had already been pretty banged up while crossing route 422. Now, it entered my side of the freeway, lurching around, getting walloped by car exhaust, rising and falling periodically perhaps with the wind, the exhaust, or just it's cyclically fluctuating energy. Finally, it reached the divider, paused in mid-air, fluttering above the concrete median as if to take a last deep breath before diving into the fast moving traffic on the other side. And then, it plunged in.
Here, cars were screaming past. As every car raced beneath it, the butterfly would be thrown up by the wall of air that preceded it. Then, it would tumble down like a stone almost to street level where it would again beat it's wings furiously and rise up, only to be pummelled again. Every moment I expected it's odyssey to end with a final sickening splat into the windshield of some vehicle. But, against all odds, it slowly moved from lane to lane, progressing past all the cars and 18-wheelers flying by. Finally, it reached the edge of the freeway and with a last, triumphant shimmy, went out of sight, and hopefully, into a better world.
Nature had won today. I went home feeling happy.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Some self-indulgent back-patting is in order
Yesterday, after reading Billmon's post on how the Iraqi constitution is basically attuned towards creating an Islamic state in Iraq, I wrote an article claiming that Iraq had basically stolen the Iranian constitution and was passing it off as it's own. While the article was pretty much all tongue-in-cheek, imagine my surprise when today I read Billmon's follow-up post in which he says that the Iraqi constitution actually does look a lot like the Iranian one.
This is what he says :
"Juan Cole, quoting the London-based Arabic newspaper al-Hayat, reports that the constitutional negotiators in Baghdad have taken at least a half step towards the creation of an Iranian-style system of clerical rule."
and
Without the details it's hard to be sure, but this sounds like at least a partial copy of the Council of Guardians -- the Iranian body charged with reviewing all laws passed by the Iranian parliament, the Majlis, to make sure they are consistent with the officially approved Iranian brand of Shi'a fundamentalism.
Jesus Christ. So it actually IS a copy of the Iranian constitution. Don't look now, but I see a career in punditry approaching.
Or maybe not.
This is what he says :
"Juan Cole, quoting the London-based Arabic newspaper al-Hayat, reports that the constitutional negotiators in Baghdad have taken at least a half step towards the creation of an Iranian-style system of clerical rule."
and
Without the details it's hard to be sure, but this sounds like at least a partial copy of the Council of Guardians -- the Iranian body charged with reviewing all laws passed by the Iranian parliament, the Majlis, to make sure they are consistent with the officially approved Iranian brand of Shi'a fundamentalism.
Jesus Christ. So it actually IS a copy of the Iranian constitution. Don't look now, but I see a career in punditry approaching.
Or maybe not.
Blogger's new "Flag" option
The Daily Doubter on Blogger's new "Flag" policy raises an excellent point on blog censorship and opinion suppression based on community agreement.
The patriotic poor
Why is it that the poorest of the poor in any country are also the most "patriotic"?
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Iraq caught trying to pass off Iranian Constitution as it's own
After failing to finalize a constitution by August 15, the deadline US officials had imposed on the Iraqi Constitutional Committee, Iraq reportedly submitted a constitution for scrutiny, which turned out to be the Iranian constitution. (via Whiskey Bar)
"Enforcement of Islamic law, stoning to death of women accused of adultery, it's all in there", said US officials comparing the two documents placed side by side. "We were somewhat suspicious when the Governing Council declared that it would be ready with a new Iraqi constitution within 7 days when nothing had been achieved for the past several months. But we believed that the Iraqis were just going to put in extra hours of work, drink lots of coffee, you know, just regular overtime stuff. Little did we know all they were about to do was go to Kinko's and make copies."
US diplomats overseeing the constitutional negotiations between the Shiites, the Sunnis and the Kurds said that Iraq and Iran had been observed passing love notes for some time now, but no action had been taken since the general thought process was that a little love between the two Islamic neighbours wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as it didn't get ugly.
President Bush, who was briefed of the affair inquired, "Its a constitution right? It has laws n stuff right? What is the issue again?"
In related news, Osama Bin Laden, speaking via videophone from Pakistan, has expressed satisfaction with the progress being achieved in the drafting of the Iraqi constitution and lauded the work of the Constitution Committee saying "Nope, I don't have any suggestions for them, it's just perfect. Good job".
"Enforcement of Islamic law, stoning to death of women accused of adultery, it's all in there", said US officials comparing the two documents placed side by side. "We were somewhat suspicious when the Governing Council declared that it would be ready with a new Iraqi constitution within 7 days when nothing had been achieved for the past several months. But we believed that the Iraqis were just going to put in extra hours of work, drink lots of coffee, you know, just regular overtime stuff. Little did we know all they were about to do was go to Kinko's and make copies."
US diplomats overseeing the constitutional negotiations between the Shiites, the Sunnis and the Kurds said that Iraq and Iran had been observed passing love notes for some time now, but no action had been taken since the general thought process was that a little love between the two Islamic neighbours wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as it didn't get ugly.
President Bush, who was briefed of the affair inquired, "Its a constitution right? It has laws n stuff right? What is the issue again?"
In related news, Osama Bin Laden, speaking via videophone from Pakistan, has expressed satisfaction with the progress being achieved in the drafting of the Iraqi constitution and lauded the work of the Constitution Committee saying "Nope, I don't have any suggestions for them, it's just perfect. Good job".
The Jesus Tree
During my hike on the Horseshoe trail, I was walking in the woods adjoining the French Creek, in dense forest and a long way from humanity. The woods were pretty clean, devoid of any sign of human presence, apart from the mandatory occasional beer bottles and empty Trojan condom packets.
Then, I walked into this tree. All over the tree, hikers and lovers had scrawled their names and love oaths. But the funny thing is, this was the only tree that had been defiled in this manner. Not a single tree around it had been touched. It was as if somehow every hiker and lovelorn soul walking in these woods had been drawn to this one particular tree and channeled his / her emotions into it's bark.
In other words, this tree had taken upon itself the suffering of all other trees in the neighbourhood. The martyr. It was a Jesus Tree.
I was torn between being irritated at the excrement scrawled on the tree and being comforted that this was the only tree that had been treated this way.
I did not add to the tree's misery. I walked on.
Then, I walked into this tree. All over the tree, hikers and lovers had scrawled their names and love oaths. But the funny thing is, this was the only tree that had been defiled in this manner. Not a single tree around it had been touched. It was as if somehow every hiker and lovelorn soul walking in these woods had been drawn to this one particular tree and channeled his / her emotions into it's bark.
In other words, this tree had taken upon itself the suffering of all other trees in the neighbourhood. The martyr. It was a Jesus Tree.
I was torn between being irritated at the excrement scrawled on the tree and being comforted that this was the only tree that had been treated this way.
I did not add to the tree's misery. I walked on.
Friday, August 19, 2005
So like can we expect an impeachment anytime soon?
Two things that finally prove that Bush and the administration lied about Iraq, WMDs and that mole on your buttocks they said wasn't cancerous.
1. "Newly declassified State Department documents (via Atrios, via AllSpinZone) show that government experts warned the U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) in early 2003 about "serious planning gaps for post-conflict public security and humanitarian assistance," well before Operation Iraqi Freedom began."
Again, there are two things here. One, that these documents show that experts warned CENTCOM that they had done a shoddy job of planning for post-regime change in Iraq. That, in itself is big since it shows the sheer incompetence, haste and mismanagement of the Iraq invasion. But wait, there's more. More you say? What could be more damaging than this? How about this :
"The new documents, released this month to the National Security Archive under the Freedom of Information Act, also provide more evidence on when the Bush administration began planning for regime change in Iraq -- as early as October 2001."
So the men in the dark suits had already started planning for post-war Iraq in October 2001...One month after the 9/11 attacks. When they should have been invested in finding Osama Bin Laden, these bastards had already said "Bin-fucking-who? Fuck him. Lets go for say....Who's this guy here sittin on top of all this gasoline? Yeah Saddam ... Much easier to destroy palaces than caves, whatdyathink?". So Bin Laden was destined to escape right at that moment itself. Not yet convinced? Okay then, here's the second thing.
2. A former top aide to Colin "I got anthrax in my hands and a Texan up my butt" Powell has come forward with the accusation that the nice little speech Powell gave in the UN, in his expert opinion, was nothing but a bunch of baloney. "It was the lowest point in my life", says the man with penitence.
"(Powell) came through the door ... and he had in his hands a sheaf of papers, and he said, 'This is what I've got to present at the United Nations according to the White House, and you need to look at it,'" Wilkerson says. "It was anything but an intelligence document. It was, as some people characterized it later, sort of a Chinese menu from which you could pick and choose."
Fascinating. But you know what the best part is? They accepted so-called intelligence from a guy the defence department knew was a liar. Frankly, their codename for him "Curveball" speaks for itself. And they did know he was a liar. How do I know? Because thats what a curveball does. It misleads the hitter by appearing to do something and then doing something else. So if they called him a curveball, THEY KNEW HE WAS GIVING MISLEADING INFORMATION.
Then, after the war began, George Tenet, CIA head honcho and future NBA all-star, repeatedly called up Powell and informed him that many of the claims he had made in the speech were not true. Something not being true, is also known in most parts of the world as being A LIE. Powell had lied. Is transmitting information from a source you know to be untrustworthy a lie? The answer is YES. Especially if thousands of lives depend upon it.
Come on, Republican dominated Congress. I know you have to stick to those on your own side and all, but doesn't the welfare of the country and the world as a whole matter to you at all? Not even one tiny bit?
1. "Newly declassified State Department documents (via Atrios, via AllSpinZone) show that government experts warned the U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) in early 2003 about "serious planning gaps for post-conflict public security and humanitarian assistance," well before Operation Iraqi Freedom began."
Again, there are two things here. One, that these documents show that experts warned CENTCOM that they had done a shoddy job of planning for post-regime change in Iraq. That, in itself is big since it shows the sheer incompetence, haste and mismanagement of the Iraq invasion. But wait, there's more. More you say? What could be more damaging than this? How about this :
"The new documents, released this month to the National Security Archive under the Freedom of Information Act, also provide more evidence on when the Bush administration began planning for regime change in Iraq -- as early as October 2001."
So the men in the dark suits had already started planning for post-war Iraq in October 2001...One month after the 9/11 attacks. When they should have been invested in finding Osama Bin Laden, these bastards had already said "Bin-fucking-who? Fuck him. Lets go for say....Who's this guy here sittin on top of all this gasoline? Yeah Saddam ... Much easier to destroy palaces than caves, whatdyathink?". So Bin Laden was destined to escape right at that moment itself. Not yet convinced? Okay then, here's the second thing.
2. A former top aide to Colin "I got anthrax in my hands and a Texan up my butt" Powell has come forward with the accusation that the nice little speech Powell gave in the UN, in his expert opinion, was nothing but a bunch of baloney. "It was the lowest point in my life", says the man with penitence.
"(Powell) came through the door ... and he had in his hands a sheaf of papers, and he said, 'This is what I've got to present at the United Nations according to the White House, and you need to look at it,'" Wilkerson says. "It was anything but an intelligence document. It was, as some people characterized it later, sort of a Chinese menu from which you could pick and choose."
Fascinating. But you know what the best part is? They accepted so-called intelligence from a guy the defence department knew was a liar. Frankly, their codename for him "Curveball" speaks for itself. And they did know he was a liar. How do I know? Because thats what a curveball does. It misleads the hitter by appearing to do something and then doing something else. So if they called him a curveball, THEY KNEW HE WAS GIVING MISLEADING INFORMATION.
Then, after the war began, George Tenet, CIA head honcho and future NBA all-star, repeatedly called up Powell and informed him that many of the claims he had made in the speech were not true. Something not being true, is also known in most parts of the world as being A LIE. Powell had lied. Is transmitting information from a source you know to be untrustworthy a lie? The answer is YES. Especially if thousands of lives depend upon it.
Come on, Republican dominated Congress. I know you have to stick to those on your own side and all, but doesn't the welfare of the country and the world as a whole matter to you at all? Not even one tiny bit?
Nebraska residents admit they fucked up big time
The Nebraska state legislature has passed a bill admitting that the state collectively fucked up when they sent all their electoral college votes into George W Bush's coffer during the 2004 presidential election.
"When Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska traveled around his home state (via Raw Story) this week, citizens at every stop brought up Iraq policy and the inexorable rise in fuel prices."
"Is there anything the United States can do to get some stability in crude oil prices in the world, because it affects everything we do?" Larry Ahlers, a manager at medical device manufacturer Becton and Dickinson in Broken Bow, Nebraska while filling up his 20 foot gas-guzzling Ford Excursion SUV at the local gas station. "I mean, come on, surely there must be something we can do?"
Earlier the same day in Lincoln, an elderly woman asked about Iraq. "Why are we there in the first place?" she asked. "And more importantly, what were we high on when we all reelected that Ivy League cracker as president?"
Hagel, a possible Republican presidential candidate in 2008, is reportedly trying to distance himself from George Bush and the current administration. "I don't think there's panic, I don't think there's cynicism", said Hagel of the general sentiment among Nebraska residents. "I think there's a general sense of agreement among the people that they really fucked up when they elected the yellow-bellied, drug-addled bastard to office. The sentiment is there, and it is genuine."
Hagel said Bush faced a growing credibility gap. "He talks through his anus, figuratively speaking. We now know that most of what came out through that orifice ever since he assumed office was bullshit. But I guess, since we swallowed it whole and asked for more, we are the ones to blame."
In other news, President George W Bush has expressed some reservations about allocating government funding for building a time machine that could allow Americans to go back in time and elect John Kerry as president.
"When Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska traveled around his home state (via Raw Story) this week, citizens at every stop brought up Iraq policy and the inexorable rise in fuel prices."
"Is there anything the United States can do to get some stability in crude oil prices in the world, because it affects everything we do?" Larry Ahlers, a manager at medical device manufacturer Becton and Dickinson in Broken Bow, Nebraska while filling up his 20 foot gas-guzzling Ford Excursion SUV at the local gas station. "I mean, come on, surely there must be something we can do?"
Earlier the same day in Lincoln, an elderly woman asked about Iraq. "Why are we there in the first place?" she asked. "And more importantly, what were we high on when we all reelected that Ivy League cracker as president?"
Hagel, a possible Republican presidential candidate in 2008, is reportedly trying to distance himself from George Bush and the current administration. "I don't think there's panic, I don't think there's cynicism", said Hagel of the general sentiment among Nebraska residents. "I think there's a general sense of agreement among the people that they really fucked up when they elected the yellow-bellied, drug-addled bastard to office. The sentiment is there, and it is genuine."
Hagel said Bush faced a growing credibility gap. "He talks through his anus, figuratively speaking. We now know that most of what came out through that orifice ever since he assumed office was bullshit. But I guess, since we swallowed it whole and asked for more, we are the ones to blame."
In other news, President George W Bush has expressed some reservations about allocating government funding for building a time machine that could allow Americans to go back in time and elect John Kerry as president.
Our indirectly-elected representatives hard at work
From IE:
How the Rajya Sabha spends it's time at work :
1.> Demand banning of a motion picture because you do not agree with how it is picturized.
2.> Express concern over the abuse of the National Emblem by a London-based alcoholic beverage company.
3.> Express concern over the photographs of Gods and Godesses printed on lingerie and ladies footwear.
4.> Express anguish over decline of the Hindi language in the country.
5.> Break for lunch.
5.5.> Express anguish over the quality of the food while preparing for siesta.
6.> Siesta.
5.> Demand a new urban transport policy.
6.> Demand that trishuls henceforth only be used to slay actual demons and not be used in movies to show the vindictive hand of God.
7.> Demand a law explicitly forbidding people from entering temples without removing footwear.
8.> Demand interlinking of rivers and developing of roadways.
9.> Demand that movies always contain at least one recitation of the national anthem integrated into the story.
10.> Go over next days demands and anguishes to be put forth, making sure none of them is remotely constructive.
11.> Break for the day.
My proposal for all you Rajya Sabha members : How about we do this. We only require you to come in for lets say 2 hours a day, process items (5) and (8) and then leave, to spend the rest of your day as you wish. If nothing else, the country will at least save money on the air conditioning bill. Oh, and bring your goddamn lunch with you. We cannot afford to feed you for just 2 hours of work a day.
How the Rajya Sabha spends it's time at work :
1.> Demand banning of a motion picture because you do not agree with how it is picturized.
2.> Express concern over the abuse of the National Emblem by a London-based alcoholic beverage company.
3.> Express concern over the photographs of Gods and Godesses printed on lingerie and ladies footwear.
4.> Express anguish over decline of the Hindi language in the country.
5.> Break for lunch.
5.5.> Express anguish over the quality of the food while preparing for siesta.
6.> Siesta.
5.> Demand a new urban transport policy.
6.> Demand that trishuls henceforth only be used to slay actual demons and not be used in movies to show the vindictive hand of God.
7.> Demand a law explicitly forbidding people from entering temples without removing footwear.
8.> Demand interlinking of rivers and developing of roadways.
9.> Demand that movies always contain at least one recitation of the national anthem integrated into the story.
10.> Go over next days demands and anguishes to be put forth, making sure none of them is remotely constructive.
11.> Break for the day.
My proposal for all you Rajya Sabha members : How about we do this. We only require you to come in for lets say 2 hours a day, process items (5) and (8) and then leave, to spend the rest of your day as you wish. If nothing else, the country will at least save money on the air conditioning bill. Oh, and bring your goddamn lunch with you. We cannot afford to feed you for just 2 hours of work a day.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Didn't they remove your ...
Yesterday, I was watching a rerun of "The Office", a hilarious sitcom on NBC, based in a garden variety 9-5 office environment. Well, it is actually an American remake of a British sitcom, but as remakes go, it is pretty good. I am sorry to have been oblivious of the existence of this program for so long. It stars the stellar Steve Carell, formerly of the Daily Show as the Boss. This is a clip from yesterday's edition :
Boss (going over health insurance coverage requests from his employees) : (to female employee) You've specified that you want your vagina to be covered under health insurance.
Female Employee (hesitantly) : umm...yes.
Boss : I thought they removed your vagina.
Female Employee (mortified) : Excuse me?
Boss (puzzled) : Didn't you have a hysterectomy where they removed your vagina?
Female Employee : They removed my uterus.
Boss : So they did remove it then.
Female Employee : A uterus is different from a vagina.
Boss (unconvinced) : Really? I thought ...
Female Employee (utterly embarassed) : No. I still have a vagina.
Boss (still a bit puzzled) : Oh ok. Alright.
Boss (going over health insurance coverage requests from his employees) : (to female employee) You've specified that you want your vagina to be covered under health insurance.
Female Employee (hesitantly) : umm...yes.
Boss : I thought they removed your vagina.
Female Employee (mortified) : Excuse me?
Boss (puzzled) : Didn't you have a hysterectomy where they removed your vagina?
Female Employee : They removed my uterus.
Boss : So they did remove it then.
Female Employee : A uterus is different from a vagina.
Boss (unconvinced) : Really? I thought ...
Female Employee (utterly embarassed) : No. I still have a vagina.
Boss (still a bit puzzled) : Oh ok. Alright.
The Album Formerly Known As Sean Hannity’s Phone Number
Continuing on our thursday morning tirade against conservative radio host cocksuckers, here's a hilarious bit of news regarding Sean Hannity. Hannity, as anyone who's had the misfortune of turning on Fox News between 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm at night knows, is one of their vilest assmerchants. He also has his own talk show on radio, mostly devoted to enumerating the various ways in which each and every single hair on George W Bush's scrotal sack is more patriotic than all liberals combined.
So apparently a Brooklyn indie band (bless those New Yorkers) called Kids against Combs, decided to name their latest album (via Democratic Underground) after Hannity's home phone number. They were also planning to add Hannity's home address to their cd liner notes.
Hannity apparently sued these good folks who, realizing that even though this would provide them a lot of free publicity, would not be very productive since Hannity since then has changed his phone number anyways.
So now, our enterprising youngsters have changed the name of their album to "The Album Formerly Known As Sean Hannity’s Phone Number ... Currently Sean Hannity Is a Democracy Subverting Douche-Bag." God I love New Yorkers.
In the words of Nelson Muntz, "Ha Ha".
Nelson Muntz expressing joy at someone else's misfortune.
So apparently a Brooklyn indie band (bless those New Yorkers) called Kids against Combs, decided to name their latest album (via Democratic Underground) after Hannity's home phone number. They were also planning to add Hannity's home address to their cd liner notes.
Hannity apparently sued these good folks who, realizing that even though this would provide them a lot of free publicity, would not be very productive since Hannity since then has changed his phone number anyways.
So now, our enterprising youngsters have changed the name of their album to "The Album Formerly Known As Sean Hannity’s Phone Number ... Currently Sean Hannity Is a Democracy Subverting Douche-Bag." God I love New Yorkers.
In the words of Nelson Muntz, "Ha Ha".
Nelson Muntz expressing joy at someone else's misfortune.Rush Limbaugh claims Iraq does not exist
Rush Limbaugh, the conservative syndicated radio talk show host, who has reportedly made a career out of hate-mongering and bigotry, commenting on Cindy Sheehan's anti-war protest at George W Bush's ranch at Crawford, Texas said "Cindy Sheehan's story is nothing more than forged documents. There's nothing about it that's real, including the mainstream media's glomming onto it. It's not real. It's nothing more than an attempt."
He continued, "Cindy never had a son. If she never had a son, how could he have been killed in a war? And which war is she talking about anyways? Are we fighting a war? in Iraq? What's an Iraq? Is it an animal, vegetable or mineral? Iraq doesn't exist, ladies and gentlemen, this whole thing is a left-wing conspiracy to slander our good president George Bush."
Doctor Sanjay Gupta, CNN's resident physician, when asked to comment on Rush Limbaugh's detachment with reality said, "Rush Limbaugh, as we know, has been abusing prescription pills for a long time. What happens with these drugs is, they kill all your brain cells and pretty soon, the person is left with nothing but hallucinations and a total disconnect with the living world."
Rush Limbaugh, on being asked to comment on this diagnosis ranted, "Sanjay Gupta? Isnt he Indian? What do these Indians know about anything? All they do is live in teepees, blowing smoke rings and collecting cash from their casinos. In fact, Indians do not even exist. Sanjay Gupta is not real, ladies and gentlemen. It is all a liberal illusion."
In other news, President George W Bush, when asked for comment on the Cindy Sheehan situation, closed his eyes, put his fingers in his ears and repeatedly chanted "I'm going biking, I'm going biking, I'm going biking."
Update: The Rude Pundit's views on the Cindy Sheehan affair.
He continued, "Cindy never had a son. If she never had a son, how could he have been killed in a war? And which war is she talking about anyways? Are we fighting a war? in Iraq? What's an Iraq? Is it an animal, vegetable or mineral? Iraq doesn't exist, ladies and gentlemen, this whole thing is a left-wing conspiracy to slander our good president George Bush."
Doctor Sanjay Gupta, CNN's resident physician, when asked to comment on Rush Limbaugh's detachment with reality said, "Rush Limbaugh, as we know, has been abusing prescription pills for a long time. What happens with these drugs is, they kill all your brain cells and pretty soon, the person is left with nothing but hallucinations and a total disconnect with the living world."
Rush Limbaugh, on being asked to comment on this diagnosis ranted, "Sanjay Gupta? Isnt he Indian? What do these Indians know about anything? All they do is live in teepees, blowing smoke rings and collecting cash from their casinos. In fact, Indians do not even exist. Sanjay Gupta is not real, ladies and gentlemen. It is all a liberal illusion."
In other news, President George W Bush, when asked for comment on the Cindy Sheehan situation, closed his eyes, put his fingers in his ears and repeatedly chanted "I'm going biking, I'm going biking, I'm going biking."
Update: The Rude Pundit's views on the Cindy Sheehan affair.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Inane conversation of the day
American colleague, pointing to my khadi kurta : Hey, you are dressed like..... your people.
Me : I AM my people.
Me : I AM my people.
US Congress slashes Iraq ticket prices, says soldiers now only need to pay for the fuel.
The US Congress yesterday slashed ticket prices for all soldiers flying to Baghdad to participate in the Iraq war, saying "These brave soldiers should not have to foot their entire travelling bill. From now on, they only pay for the fuel."
This magnanimous gesture of Congress did not go unnoticed by President Bush, who issued a statement saying "For too long have American soldiers paid out of their own pockets for the privilege of representing America in an overseas conflict that might require them to lay down their lives for their country. This will allow these courageous men and women in uniform to save some money for the purpose of purchasing their own armor, which in turn, will make their stay in Iraq safer."
Following this gesture from the US Congress, many American companies have jumped to the rescue of American troops, caught in the Iraqi quagmire. A spokesperson for GM said "For every soldier killed in combat, GM will donate a free Humvee to his division. This will save a lot of time for our infantrymen, who today have to build their own vehicles from discarded spare parts lying around in junkyards." ExxonMobil, the oil conglomerate, in turn, has proposed that the company will provide free fuel for these humvees upto a maximum of 50 miles a day assuming no casualties and increasing it by 10 miles a day for every soldier killed on that day. "For every blood dollar we get, we give 5 cents back", said an Exxon Mobil spokesperson, gravely. "It is the best we can do for our troops. I mean, the least."
In other news, President Bush has increased Barbara and Jenna Bush's daily allowance, citing rising gasoline prices in the country and encouraged all American parents to follow suit.
This magnanimous gesture of Congress did not go unnoticed by President Bush, who issued a statement saying "For too long have American soldiers paid out of their own pockets for the privilege of representing America in an overseas conflict that might require them to lay down their lives for their country. This will allow these courageous men and women in uniform to save some money for the purpose of purchasing their own armor, which in turn, will make their stay in Iraq safer."
Following this gesture from the US Congress, many American companies have jumped to the rescue of American troops, caught in the Iraqi quagmire. A spokesperson for GM said "For every soldier killed in combat, GM will donate a free Humvee to his division. This will save a lot of time for our infantrymen, who today have to build their own vehicles from discarded spare parts lying around in junkyards." ExxonMobil, the oil conglomerate, in turn, has proposed that the company will provide free fuel for these humvees upto a maximum of 50 miles a day assuming no casualties and increasing it by 10 miles a day for every soldier killed on that day. "For every blood dollar we get, we give 5 cents back", said an Exxon Mobil spokesperson, gravely. "It is the best we can do for our troops. I mean, the least."
In other news, President Bush has increased Barbara and Jenna Bush's daily allowance, citing rising gasoline prices in the country and encouraged all American parents to follow suit.
Computer virus blamed for CNN's deteriorating journalistic standards
A computer virus targeting Microsoft's Windows software has reportedly shut down machines and impaired judgements at CNN and ABC news networks. The virus is suspected to have been dormant in the system, lying undetected for more than 5 years and is considered to be responsible for CNN's rapidly deteriorating coverage of news events.
Ever since the US presidential election in 2000 and CNN's coverage of the two candidates, there was always a doubt in the minds of media critics that there had to be a reason other than sheer journalistic incompetence behind CNN's exaggeration of ex-vice President Al Gore's "lies", while at the same time glossing over George W. Bush's history of alcoholism, drug abuse, DUI record and suspicious business transactions. However at the time, anti-virus technology, being in a nascent stage of development, did not detect the virus thereby exacerbating the problem.
This multifaceted computer virus has also reportedly been responsible for impaired judgement on the part of CNN's management, which sanctioned the emergence of CNN's flagship shows like Crossfire, which consists of two "political pundits" verbally abusing each other in the name of debate, with the audience cheering them on.
The virus reared it's head again during the buildup to the Iraq war when it caused a breakdown in CNN's fact-checking machinery, causing America to go into war based on false information and costing thousands of lives.
The virus was finally detected when a system administrator noticed an unnatural rise in CNN's coverage of superficial news items like the Terri Schiavo case, the Michael Jackson scandal and the missing white girl in Aruba, and ran a virus check through the system.
Since the virus was detected and cleaned, CNN has cancelled Crossfire, fired it's host Tucker Carlson and reduced it's missing-white-girl-related news coverage by 75%.
Ever since the US presidential election in 2000 and CNN's coverage of the two candidates, there was always a doubt in the minds of media critics that there had to be a reason other than sheer journalistic incompetence behind CNN's exaggeration of ex-vice President Al Gore's "lies", while at the same time glossing over George W. Bush's history of alcoholism, drug abuse, DUI record and suspicious business transactions. However at the time, anti-virus technology, being in a nascent stage of development, did not detect the virus thereby exacerbating the problem.
This multifaceted computer virus has also reportedly been responsible for impaired judgement on the part of CNN's management, which sanctioned the emergence of CNN's flagship shows like Crossfire, which consists of two "political pundits" verbally abusing each other in the name of debate, with the audience cheering them on.
The virus reared it's head again during the buildup to the Iraq war when it caused a breakdown in CNN's fact-checking machinery, causing America to go into war based on false information and costing thousands of lives.
The virus was finally detected when a system administrator noticed an unnatural rise in CNN's coverage of superficial news items like the Terri Schiavo case, the Michael Jackson scandal and the missing white girl in Aruba, and ran a virus check through the system.
Since the virus was detected and cleaned, CNN has cancelled Crossfire, fired it's host Tucker Carlson and reduced it's missing-white-girl-related news coverage by 75%.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Yesterday on the Daily Show
The Daily Show by Jon Stewart on Comedy Central, had a segment on Jeanine Pirro yesterday. If I have said it once, I will say it again. If you live in the United States, watch this show people, it will get you laid, put money in your bank, beer in your fridge and make you wise.
Jeanine Pirro, the Republican who is running against Hillary Clinton for the New York senatorial seat, was giving a speech at a campaign rally or something. She started her speech, saying, "Hillary Clinton .....", and then fell silent, and started rummaging through her notes. After quite a bit of rummaging, she whispered to the guy standing near her, "Where's page 10 .. I don't have page 10 .. do you have page 10?" The entire fiasco played out for 32 seconds, and was a pleasure to watch. Nothing like seeing a Republican make a fool of herself on television.
Jon Stewart's take on this : "Jeanine Pirro started her speech, then observed silence for the next 32 seconds to commemorate her failed future senatorial campaign."
Jeanine Pirro, the Republican who is running against Hillary Clinton for the New York senatorial seat, was giving a speech at a campaign rally or something. She started her speech, saying, "Hillary Clinton .....", and then fell silent, and started rummaging through her notes. After quite a bit of rummaging, she whispered to the guy standing near her, "Where's page 10 .. I don't have page 10 .. do you have page 10?" The entire fiasco played out for 32 seconds, and was a pleasure to watch. Nothing like seeing a Republican make a fool of herself on television.
Jon Stewart's take on this : "Jeanine Pirro started her speech, then observed silence for the next 32 seconds to commemorate her failed future senatorial campaign."
Hiking the Horseshoe Trail, part III
Continuing on my schedule of completing the 140 mile Horseshoe trail in Pennsylvania before my 60th birthday, 4 miles at a time, I finished another section of the trail last weekend. This section was chock full of streams, hills, forests, tall grass, power lines, sex, violence, mayhem and demonic trees.
Where is part II you ask? Well, I just haven't got around to documenting it yet. Summer time, it's a lazy time. Here is part I for newcomers.
I started this section at Warwick County Park in Knauertown. I was going to do the east-going part of the trail. The park itself consists of a vast grassy meadow on the edge of Warwick woods, which were once the site of a furnace. The woods themselves were the source of all the charcoal that was used to fuel this furnace. And, the French Creek, passing through these woods, was the source of waterpower.
I parked my car on the meadow (The parking lot was closed since it was being paved). There was a ruckus occurring in the pavilion and picnic spot at the end of the meadow. A large group of people were picnicking along with stereo system in full blast mode. I don't understand this. People travel to the far reaches of the world in search of wilderness and natural beauty, and when they find it, they sit at the edge of the wilderness with their loud music boxes and smoky barbeques and defile the very wilderness they came in search of. Stupid humans.
After blowing a few curses in their direction, I started looking for the location of the Horseshoe trail. It was supposed to be in the vicinity. Soon, I saw the two yellow markers that denoted the presence of the trail. As I was walking outside a house along the trail, I heard a barking sound. I couldn't see any dogs though. So, I whipped out the magnifying glass I usually carry for emergencies and looked at the road. Sure enough, there was a dog at my feet making as if to attack me. It was tiny. Probably the size of my fist. Ok, it was a bit larger, but not a lot. As I kept walking it kept threatening as if to run after me, but the moment I stopped and looked in it's direction, it ran away. It probably ran on batteries. A cat, sitting 5 feet away, watched on unperturbed.
The trail skirted the boundary of the meadow and the woods, finally plunging into some long grass with a path cut through it.
Then, it entered the Warwick woods and shared space for some time with the Charcoal Trail. Tall trees, large mushrooms, the works.
Here, I saw some curiously small sunflower-like flowers. I took a picture.
The trail then passed through the woods for about a mile or so, after which this meadow appeared to the side.
Then, from nowhere, the French Creek materialized beside the trail. Creek and trail then went hand in hand for the next mile.
As usual, I saw a number of strange things lying around in the woods, one of which was this bale of hay which seemed to serve no purpose at all.
This ghoulish looking tree trunk scared the bejesus out of me. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be here during the night, when it comes alive and swallows unsuspecting hikers. Just look at that hungry mouth.
The trail then passed through some marshy land, and to the right of the trail was this strange canal-like conduit. I stopped there for a while wondering what it could have been. It looked man-made. Then, I realized it was probably a dam race. In the 1700s and 1800s, most of the forges and furnaces in this area ran on hydropower. They dammed up the creeks, let the water out through a race, just like in modern hydro electric power stations, and the race passed through the forge or furnace, where the water rotated wheels to provide power. As I looked around, I could see signs that all the area to the left of the trail might have been under water once upon a time. Interesting.
The guide book had informed me that along the trail, I would have to cross the French Creek on a rope bridge. It also gave detailed instructions on how to avoid falling off the bridge, as well as a disclaimer of any liability in case someone did. All this hype had increased my anticipation and I was eagerly awaiting the appearance of the aforementioned bridge. However, I was disappointed to see that the rope bridge was no longer there, and I would have to cross the creek on large boulders sitting in the water. Gah, everytime I seek adventure, adventure flees from me.
Just before I started to cross, a huge moth-like insect landed on my back and very unmoth-like, proceeded to devour me. I flailed around in a macho kind of way, not knowing what it was that was poking me through my shirt. It left me alone after I crossed the creek. It probably was a direct descendant of the Nazgul.
The trail then climbed up some distance through the woods and came out into a field. Here, I saw this guy sniffing around in the grass. He ran away into the undergrowth on my intrusion into his property, giving me dirty looks through the brush.
These old, rusted tractor ploughs were lying on the side of the field. They looked sad and forgotten, probably having worked hard, who knows how many years ago, and now, were being allowed to rust away, having earned their retirement.
The trail then descended down the field, through a couple of gates and smacked into a paved road. The trail then followed this road for a while.
Coming out of the gates, a beautiful rural vista greeted me. I stook there for a while, drinking it all in.
There was an elementary school on this road, which I started photographing, before I realized it was probably not a good idea for a brown stranger to be photographing elementary schools in rural Pennsylvania.
After following this road for a while, the trail again entered the woods.
I saw some beautiful lichens growing on this rock.
At this point, I began to realize that my body had assumed the role of a natural transportation system. All kinds of insects were clinging to my clothes. As I passed through cobwebs on the trail, spiders and flies, the predator and the prey, having momentarily buried the hatchet, were enjoying the ride together.
After again climbing up another ridge, the trail bumped into a powerline right of way, which I had to cross. The trail disappeared into a forest of shoulder-high grass. And to my dismay, it looked like that vile weed back in India that for some obscure reason we used to call "Congress grass". I remembered that this grass used to grow in every untended bit of real estate in my neighbourhood and I was extremely allergic to it. Nonetheless, being an intrepid explorer, I decided to take my chances and dived in.
It was actually worth it. As I emerged from the grass, I had a great view of the countryside below.
Some more woods, and then I emerged out into what the guide book calls a horse pasture. Again, some more nice views of a farmhouse and a grain silo.
Some more brush beating.
Finally, I stopped at the edge of this field and decided to take a leak. My bladder was bursting and I'm sure it if hadn't been under contract for the next 40 years, it would have parted ways with me right then, citing inhumane working conditions.
I trudged through the thick mud of this field for a while, observing a number of insects and small animals going about their business, who, in turn, were watching me quizzically as I went by.
Finally, I decided at this point to turn around and go back. My legs had started to itch, no doubt, from the evil congress grass I had passed through.
All in all, a nice section of the trail, bursting with country fresh flavor and goodness.My legs still itch though. Note to self : Next time, do not wear shorts.
Where is part II you ask? Well, I just haven't got around to documenting it yet. Summer time, it's a lazy time. Here is part I for newcomers.
I started this section at Warwick County Park in Knauertown. I was going to do the east-going part of the trail. The park itself consists of a vast grassy meadow on the edge of Warwick woods, which were once the site of a furnace. The woods themselves were the source of all the charcoal that was used to fuel this furnace. And, the French Creek, passing through these woods, was the source of waterpower.
I parked my car on the meadow (The parking lot was closed since it was being paved). There was a ruckus occurring in the pavilion and picnic spot at the end of the meadow. A large group of people were picnicking along with stereo system in full blast mode. I don't understand this. People travel to the far reaches of the world in search of wilderness and natural beauty, and when they find it, they sit at the edge of the wilderness with their loud music boxes and smoky barbeques and defile the very wilderness they came in search of. Stupid humans.
After blowing a few curses in their direction, I started looking for the location of the Horseshoe trail. It was supposed to be in the vicinity. Soon, I saw the two yellow markers that denoted the presence of the trail. As I was walking outside a house along the trail, I heard a barking sound. I couldn't see any dogs though. So, I whipped out the magnifying glass I usually carry for emergencies and looked at the road. Sure enough, there was a dog at my feet making as if to attack me. It was tiny. Probably the size of my fist. Ok, it was a bit larger, but not a lot. As I kept walking it kept threatening as if to run after me, but the moment I stopped and looked in it's direction, it ran away. It probably ran on batteries. A cat, sitting 5 feet away, watched on unperturbed.
The trail skirted the boundary of the meadow and the woods, finally plunging into some long grass with a path cut through it.
Then, it entered the Warwick woods and shared space for some time with the Charcoal Trail. Tall trees, large mushrooms, the works.
Here, I saw some curiously small sunflower-like flowers. I took a picture.
The trail then passed through the woods for about a mile or so, after which this meadow appeared to the side.
Then, from nowhere, the French Creek materialized beside the trail. Creek and trail then went hand in hand for the next mile.
As usual, I saw a number of strange things lying around in the woods, one of which was this bale of hay which seemed to serve no purpose at all.
This ghoulish looking tree trunk scared the bejesus out of me. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be here during the night, when it comes alive and swallows unsuspecting hikers. Just look at that hungry mouth.
The trail then passed through some marshy land, and to the right of the trail was this strange canal-like conduit. I stopped there for a while wondering what it could have been. It looked man-made. Then, I realized it was probably a dam race. In the 1700s and 1800s, most of the forges and furnaces in this area ran on hydropower. They dammed up the creeks, let the water out through a race, just like in modern hydro electric power stations, and the race passed through the forge or furnace, where the water rotated wheels to provide power. As I looked around, I could see signs that all the area to the left of the trail might have been under water once upon a time. Interesting.
The guide book had informed me that along the trail, I would have to cross the French Creek on a rope bridge. It also gave detailed instructions on how to avoid falling off the bridge, as well as a disclaimer of any liability in case someone did. All this hype had increased my anticipation and I was eagerly awaiting the appearance of the aforementioned bridge. However, I was disappointed to see that the rope bridge was no longer there, and I would have to cross the creek on large boulders sitting in the water. Gah, everytime I seek adventure, adventure flees from me.
Just before I started to cross, a huge moth-like insect landed on my back and very unmoth-like, proceeded to devour me. I flailed around in a macho kind of way, not knowing what it was that was poking me through my shirt. It left me alone after I crossed the creek. It probably was a direct descendant of the Nazgul.
The trail then climbed up some distance through the woods and came out into a field. Here, I saw this guy sniffing around in the grass. He ran away into the undergrowth on my intrusion into his property, giving me dirty looks through the brush.
These old, rusted tractor ploughs were lying on the side of the field. They looked sad and forgotten, probably having worked hard, who knows how many years ago, and now, were being allowed to rust away, having earned their retirement.
The trail then descended down the field, through a couple of gates and smacked into a paved road. The trail then followed this road for a while.
Coming out of the gates, a beautiful rural vista greeted me. I stook there for a while, drinking it all in.
There was an elementary school on this road, which I started photographing, before I realized it was probably not a good idea for a brown stranger to be photographing elementary schools in rural Pennsylvania.
After following this road for a while, the trail again entered the woods.
I saw some beautiful lichens growing on this rock.
At this point, I began to realize that my body had assumed the role of a natural transportation system. All kinds of insects were clinging to my clothes. As I passed through cobwebs on the trail, spiders and flies, the predator and the prey, having momentarily buried the hatchet, were enjoying the ride together.
After again climbing up another ridge, the trail bumped into a powerline right of way, which I had to cross. The trail disappeared into a forest of shoulder-high grass. And to my dismay, it looked like that vile weed back in India that for some obscure reason we used to call "Congress grass". I remembered that this grass used to grow in every untended bit of real estate in my neighbourhood and I was extremely allergic to it. Nonetheless, being an intrepid explorer, I decided to take my chances and dived in.
It was actually worth it. As I emerged from the grass, I had a great view of the countryside below.
Some more woods, and then I emerged out into what the guide book calls a horse pasture. Again, some more nice views of a farmhouse and a grain silo.
Some more brush beating.
Finally, I stopped at the edge of this field and decided to take a leak. My bladder was bursting and I'm sure it if hadn't been under contract for the next 40 years, it would have parted ways with me right then, citing inhumane working conditions.
I trudged through the thick mud of this field for a while, observing a number of insects and small animals going about their business, who, in turn, were watching me quizzically as I went by.
Finally, I decided at this point to turn around and go back. My legs had started to itch, no doubt, from the evil congress grass I had passed through.
All in all, a nice section of the trail, bursting with country fresh flavor and goodness.My legs still itch though. Note to self : Next time, do not wear shorts.
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