Monday, March 19, 2007

President Bush re-elected to second term as President of Iraq

Four years after winning the election for President of Iraq in which he cast the single and deciding vote, President Bush announced today that he has been unanimously re-elected to a second term as leader of that nation.

In a bizarre repeat of his previous performance, the margin of victory once again turned out to be 1 vote to 0, the deciding vote again being that of President Bush, who justified his decision to re-elect himself by saying, "I've been doing a heck of a job". Although this time around, his incumbency was expected to act against his candidacy, President Bush thwarted conventional political wisdom by achieving a landslide victory against the only other candidate in the arena, the US Congress.

"Although the Congress has been doing a relatively good job in its role as a rubber substitute, unlike me, it has very little experience in creating and administering a war-torn nation", said President Bush of his former presidential challenger. "Also, the US Congress has traditionally been weak against fighting domestic crime here in the US. How can one expect it to fight against terrorists in Iraq?"

During his acceptance speech, President Bush declared that his victory would go a long way towards promoting democracy in the Middle-East. "The fact that an Arab nation which used to be a dictatorship is now ruled by the democratically elected leader of another country just goes to show that democracy is on the march in the Middle-East", commented the President.

The Iraqi presidential election was carried out in strict conformance with election etiquette as laid down in the Iraqi constitution which believes in the division of power between four branches of Iraqi government, namely the President of the US, Halliburton, Exxon-Mobil and Iran.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Magnet America to sell "Support Our Ribbons" ribbons

A drastic decline in the popularity of the Iraq war has adversely affected the American Patriotic Slogan manufacturing industry. As soon as the Iraq war began, the industry shifted into high gear and unveiled its flagship product, the "Support Our Troops" ribbon. The ribbon, which turned out to be the best pro-life alternative to enrolling in the military and actually fighting in the war, was widely adopted by war supporters and could be seen affixed to numerous vehicles throughout the US.

However, with the war turning sour and public opinion shifting against it, these ribbons, in turn, have lost their appeal. Magnet America, which is one of the largest manufacturers of these ribbons, claims that ribbon sales fell from 1.2 million in August 2004 to 4,000 a month. "We have enough supplies to meet demand for years to come," said Micah Pattisall, director of operations. "Assuming, of course, that we will continue to be at war for the next few years. Please God, let there be war for the next few years", he added fervently.

With support for the "Support Our Troops" ribbons dwindling, Magnet America has unveiled its latest product, the "Support Our Ribbons" ribbon. This ribbon will address the issue of public apathy towards the "Support Our Troops" ribbons and increase awareness about the importance of these ribbons in stirring patriotic pride within American loins.

"In order for us to win in Iraq, we need Americans to support our troops by buying these ribbons that show their support towards the ribbons that support our troops", said a ribbon vendor in New York City. "Also, it will help me feed my family", he added.

President Bush encouraged Americans to do their part in the War Against Terror by supporting the "Support Our Troops" ribbons and displaying "Support Our Ribbons" ribbons in their homes, cars and alcohol rehabilitation centers. "These ribbons are courageous warriors, fighting on the forefront of our battle for public opinion", said President Bush. "And right now, with public opinion being massively against the war, the importance of supporting them far outweighs that of supporting our actual troops."