Friday, March 09, 2007
Magnet America to sell "Support Our Ribbons" ribbons
A drastic decline in the popularity of the Iraq war has adversely affected the American Patriotic Slogan manufacturing industry. As soon as the Iraq war began, the industry shifted into high gear and unveiled its flagship product, the "Support Our Troops" ribbon. The ribbon, which turned out to be the best pro-life alternative to enrolling in the military and actually fighting in the war, was widely adopted by war supporters and could be seen affixed to numerous vehicles throughout the US.
However, with the war turning sour and public opinion shifting against it, these ribbons, in turn, have lost their appeal. Magnet America, which is one of the largest manufacturers of these ribbons, claims that ribbon sales fell from 1.2 million in August 2004 to 4,000 a month. "We have enough supplies to meet demand for years to come," said Micah Pattisall, director of operations. "Assuming, of course, that we will continue to be at war for the next few years. Please God, let there be war for the next few years", he added fervently.
With support for the "Support Our Troops" ribbons dwindling, Magnet America has unveiled its latest product, the "Support Our Ribbons" ribbon. This ribbon will address the issue of public apathy towards the "Support Our Troops" ribbons and increase awareness about the importance of these ribbons in stirring patriotic pride within American loins.
"In order for us to win in Iraq, we need Americans to support our troops by buying these ribbons that show their support towards the ribbons that support our troops", said a ribbon vendor in New York City. "Also, it will help me feed my family", he added.
President Bush encouraged Americans to do their part in the War Against Terror ™ by supporting the "Support Our Troops" ribbons and displaying "Support Our Ribbons" ribbons in their homes, cars and alcohol rehabilitation centers. "These ribbons are courageous warriors, fighting on the forefront of our battle for public opinion", said President Bush. "And right now, with public opinion being massively against the war, the importance of supporting them far outweighs that of supporting our actual troops."