Thursday, April 09, 2009

ISI developing suicide vests tiny enough to be worn by a fetus

The Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) reports that it is carrying out research, the results of which are expected to revolutionize the field of suicide bombing. This groundbreaking research, carried out in collaboration with top Pakistani madrassas, is focused on designing a suicide vest small enough to be worn comfortably by a 6 month old fetus. At the same time, the explosives packed within will be powerful enough to cause the same damage as that worn by an 11 year old boy.

Commenting on this amazing breakthrough in jihadi technology, ISI officials said that the design of this tiny vest would result in a significant reduction in suicide bomber development cycle times which currently range from about ten to fifteen years.

"Old and outdated suicide vest technology required us to nurture, feed and clothe every single bomber from the time of his birth right up to his first and last mission, which could take years. The whole thing wasn't very cost-effective. Now, with this new technology, God's cute little soldiers can begin to blow stuff (and themselves) up mere months after being conceived."

Although most fetuses have been known to suffer from issues of defiance and independent thinking, manifested by their steadfast refusal to leave the womb on command and carry out a terrorist attack, it is hoped that watching religious indoctrination videos during their conception will lead to a new breed of fetuses that are aware of their martyrdom objective and better-prepared to serve in God's army.

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