A mere two weeks after bestowing upon You the Person of the Year Award, TIME magazine is now ready to lay You off. These lay-offs will affect You in the editorial team, You in CNN as well as You in People magazine and Sports Illustrated.
Explaining the decision, TIME said that although You are a great human being and well-deserving of this award, You were also, at the same time, a terrible employee. In fact, the very attributes that made You the Person of the Year, namely, an active desire to participate in the web-based dissemination of information, contributed to your shoddy performance at the workplace that will lead to your dismissal. When You should have been busy evaluating copy and correcting grammatical errors in your articles, instead, You were busy uploading the video of You wearing a Borat bikini on YouTube. When You should have been chasing stories and trying to determine who would be the next Person of the Year, You were instead writing post upon post on your blog about how it was You who got the very worst assignments.
Before laying You off, however, TIME expressed its gratitude towards You for that amazing brainstorm You had in coming up with the idea of naming Yourself as the Person of the Year, as well as your immense YouTube and blogging experience that made this issue possible. Although TIME no longer requires this skill-set from You, at the same time, TIME also wishes You the best and hopes that You will continue to enjoy success in your extra-curricular internet ventures, especially since You will now have significantly more time to invest in their execution once your employment there has been terminated.