Wednesday, March 05, 2008

How did Huckabee make it this far?

So Mike Huckabee, the final crazy person in the presidential race finally dropped out and now it can be safely said that the next American president will definitely be better than the current one. When I say Huckabee is crazy, it is probably an understatement. It has been amazing how openly insane this guy has been without anyone officially proclaiming him as such.This is a guy who does not believe in evolution, is a biblical literalist, thinks the legalization of gay marriage automatically means that we have to legalize bestiality and has said that AIDS affected people should be quarantined from society. He made an astounding statement which, in my opinion, should have resulted in an automatic one-way ticket to a lunatic asylum. He said that the reason the US is in need of immigrant labor is because the Americans have been aborting a lot of babies. So essentially, what Huckabee was implying was that the poor should keep producing low-wage babies so that the rich would not have to turn to Mexico for their toilet-cleaning and fruit-picking needs. That implication is so bugfuck insane, yet, no one appears to have given it the attention it deserved.

But most egregiously, Mike Huckabee publicly claimed to be counting on a miracle from God to help him sew up the Republican nomination. As in, he actually disregarded all the numerical evidence showing that he did not have a chance in hell of beating John McCain in favor of his hope that a miracle was definitely going to happen that would bestow upon him the Republican nomination. “Well I didn’t major in math, I majored in miracles. And I still believe in those, too.", is what he said. In layman's terms, it means that this is a guy who claims that if he were to win the presidential nomination, he would suspend his belief in 2+2 = 4. That is even crazier than hearing words from God and feeling His Divine Paws petting your behind in approval.

Seriously, forget the presidency, who in their right mind would be willing to hire this guy even as an employee, a guy who depends on miracles to get things done? If the CEO of some company made this statement, would the board of directors waste any time before throwing him out? Isn't the leadership of the free world more important than that of some company? What is wrong with the media? Shouldn't this kind of nonsense from a presidential candidate be scrutinized and given the amount of ridicule it deserves? Why did Huckabee even make it this far? Or is the fact that he is a man of religion absolve him of all his stupidity? But anyways, thank the Lord Almighty that this insane bastard will not be leader of the free world, at least for the next four years.

The next thing Mike Huckabee needs to do is sit down and ponder upon why he lost. Obviously the miracle he was hoping from God was denied him. Does the tremendous ass-kicking he received at the hands of John McCain mean that God loves John McCain more than him? Does his defeat signify that maybe God has different beliefs about abortion and homos and Darwin and everything else Huckabee has believed throughout his life? On the other hand, maybe this would be a good time for Huckabee to think about whether God even exists at all in the first place. In either case, Mike Huckabee should realize that as it stands right now, there is no way that Mike Huckabee's religious worldview is correct. Either God does not approve of Mike Huckabee or there is no God. There cannot be a third option.

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