Thursday, May 25, 2006

Microsoft assures virus-building community that new OS will be released soon

In a major attempt to boost its sagging public image among members of the hacker and virus-building communities, Microsoft has issued a public statement saying that the late delivery of its new operating system Windows Vista will be completed on time.

Computer hackers and writers of malicious code damaging to computers running on the Windows operating system account for over 25% of Microsoft's revenues from the sale of its operating systems. However, the hacker and virus-builder communities, most members of which depend on Microsoft for the satisfaction of their anarcho-destructive fantasies, have lately been unhappy with the company's inordinate delay in releasing the latest flavor of Windows, called Vista.

"There's only so many ways in which Windows XP can be taken apart and put back in one piece, and I've gone through them all", said a prominent virus creator, known in the cyber underworld as King Byte. "We have been eagerly awaiting the new operating system which, as Mr Gates has promised us, will contain a number of feature-rich security holes for us to identify and have fun exploiting. The only question is, when will the damn thing be here?"

Many hackers, after waiting for more than a year in frustrated anticipation, have decided to switch to Unix instead. "Even though Unix offers more challenges even for the experienced cyber-terrorist, it is a relatively unexplored terrain, and hence, is sure to have far greater entertainment and educational value. Also, we believe that Microsoft will not take our demand for releasing Windows Vista seriously unless we demonstrate our willingness to switch brand loyalty.

On being asked for a comment, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates quickly penned an email in Outlook 2007 and sent it to reporters, only to be informed that it was infected with the virus BillSuck and could only be cleaned by formatting his hard drive.

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