Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Poll shows unused human embryos would rather be flushed down the toilet than be used in life-saving research

A new poll carried out by the Bush White House conclusively proves that more human embryos would prefer to be destroyed by being flushed down the toilet than being used for stem cell research.

The US Senate passed legislation yesterday which would expand federal funding towards stem cell research, utilizing human embryos from fertility clinics that would otherwise have been discarded. The study of human stem cells contains a vast potential for discovering cures to various debilitatory diseases such as diabetes, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's by virtue of the unique property embryonic stem cells have of transforming themselves into a variety of specialized body cells.

President Bush, however, has expressed his intent to veto the legislation, saying, "We do not know whether the embryos would wish to die a natural death in the sewers of our cities or be used to save the lives of our citizens."

In order to gauge popular opinion, human embryos stored in fertility clinics nationwide were woken up from their state of embryonicity in order to ascertain their view about the Senate legislation. Although most were unable to respond to questions or any other form of sensory stimulii, many succeeded in communicating telepathically to White House pollsters, saying that even though their knowledge of the Bible was limited, their faith forbade them from being used to further the cause of science.

Most Senate Democrats, excepting one, voted for the legislation. However, Republicans not afflicted by diseases the study of stem cells could find a cure for, have supported President Bush's intention of vetoing the bill and quashing stem cell research. The White House, in turn, responded by saying that "It's inappropriate for the federal government to finance something that many people consider murder." "Go Israel", added Tony Snow, the White House spokesman.

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