Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Ex-Press Secretary's wife glad husband won't be bringing work home anymore

After learning that White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan had resigned from his post, his wife Jill said that she was very happy to hear about it and that the best part of the whole deal was that he wouldn't be bringing his work home anymore.

Mr McClellan, whose duties for the White House in the capacity of spokesperson routinely involved the fabrication of statements that had little or no basis in reality, always made it a practice of bringing his work home, according to his wife. In a press conference attended solely by her marriage counsellor, Mrs McClellan said that the couple had been having some domestic problems due to Scott's refusal to shed his press secretary persona even after leaving the White House briefing room.

"People have a work-life and then they have a family-life", said Mrs McClellan. "Scott, however, due to his tremendous dedication to his work, continued to be a press secretary, lying and making things up even after he returned home. For example, the other day when I asked him if he had taken out the trash, he said yes, but when I found out that he had not, in fact, taken out the trash and requested an explanation, he claimed that we had already gone over this matter yesterday and that I should publicly apologize on the air for misrepresenting his position on trash disposal."

According to Mrs. McClellan, Scott continued to diligently perform his lying duties right upto the moment of his resignation. "Yesterday I asked him about his work, and he claimed that he was about to be promoted to Vice President", sobbed Mrs. McClellan tearfully. "Luckily for me, he was just in press-secretary mode and talking through his ass."

President Bush thanked McClellan for his service to the country while accepting his resignation. "It's going to be hard to replace someone endowed with a gift such as he", he said, referring to Mr McClellan's talent for mendacity. "Although I taught him most of what he knows about dodging incisive questions from the press and throwing them back at the reporter in a way calculated to besmirch his patriotism, it is now clear that he is currently the best in the profession, surpassing even me in bullshittery."

Mr McClellan, who was asked for a comment on his resignation, said, "The media is deliberately playing up negative stories from Iraq such as the one about my resignation, which, by the way, is not true to my best recollection. I never said I was resigning and even if I did, it would only be true if I admitted it, which I won't. Anyone who continues to insist otherwise is displaying a pre-9/11 mentality. Next question."

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