Headlines

Aishwarya Rai expressed regret about accepting bicycling lessons from President Bush following their recent tryst during his visit to India.

Back in Washington DC, President Bush apologized for any discomfort that visiting Chinese President Hu Jintao might have had to endure due to Americans' indecorous abuse of the First Amendment by protesting his presence in the US. He assured Jintao that for his next visit, the US military would take pre-emptive anti-protest measures by patrolling the streets of DC in armored tanks.

President Bush and President Hu Jintao made significant progress in their talks regarding the human rights record of both countries. Jintao issued an official promise that imprisoned Chinese blogger Hao Wu would be allowed access to legal representation and due process in return for President Bush providing illegally incarcerated Guantanamo Bay prisoners with access to blogging.

Instapundit made tremendous headway towards his ultimate goal of achieving blogosphere irrelevance by linking to a post that claims, without any factual basis, that Morgan Spurlock's documentary on unhealthy McDonald's fast food may have contributed to the recent skyrocketing of its business.

Great Britain's Queen Elizabeth II began serving a new term in office today by celebrating her 80th birthday. According to reports, the queen said that she was looking forward to commencing work on her primary project during this term, which would be to stay alive.