Monday, April 10, 2006

Maharashtra government proposes self-destructing garments for fashion shows

The ruling Congress-NCP coalition of Maharashtra State, in a joint effort with the BJP-Shiv Sena opposition, has proposed a new regulation which requires that all catwalking models on the Indian fashion scene would hereby have to exclusively wear garments manufactured out of a unique self-exploding fabric. If these garments, that have been successfully tested by suicide bombers in Iraq and Afghanistan, were to get detached from the model's body due to a wardrobe malfunction, they would explode instantaneously, thereby incinerating the model before her naked flesh were to have an opportunity of making a public appearance and outraging the morality of the leering audience.

These high-end designer clothes, most of which would be used to cover the upper torso of the female model, require her to undergo a mastectomy in order to make space for the wads of highly explosive fabric they would be composed of. This, however, shouldn't be a problem, according to Shiv Sena leader Pramod Navalkar, since "female breasts do not have a place in civilized society anyways."

Indian fashion designers have protested this governmental intrusion on their art. "This fabric is not that easy to work with", said Arjun Khanna, a prominent practitioner of the trade. "It smells of gunpowder and has to be handled carefully. Plus, we are running out of models to try it on."

Critics of the proposal have argued that these garments, although a huge improvement over the previous non-exploding ones, might not be entirely morally safe. They claim that the small time interval between the garment's disengagement and the model's explosion would still allow eagle-eyed audience members with fast-action cameras to capture a shot of her bare skin just before it vaporizes along with the rest of her body.

However, Bombay Dying, the company that manufactures this fabric, has issued a public assurance that a newer and upgraded version of this incendiary material will soon be available and market-ready. This technologically advanced fabric would additionally discharge a toxic gas upon explosion that is designed to blind enterprising camera-ready members of the audience and thus, further improve its moral safety factor.

No comments: