New immigration bill to put legal immigrants on fast track to citizenship

The new guest worker program proposed by President George W. Bush is expected to help a number of legal immigrants attain American citizenship through illegal immigration.

Many legal immigrants, most of whom are of Indian or Chinese origin, will be benefited by this new bill which the president is requesting Congress to pass just in time for the Christmas holiday cross-border rush. These legal immigrants, many of whom work in the US on an H1B visa, have been languishing in a permanently uncertain status due to huge backlogs of green card applications, most of which take more than 6 years to be approved. After that, it is another 10 years before these people can apply for American citizenship.

Now, with this new guest worker program in the works, legal immigrants will now be able to jump on the fast-track to citizenship by first turning into illegal immigrants. Once this is done, they will be able to shed their highly paid software developer and consultant positions, instead, seeking employment as fruit pickers, hotelroom maids and toilet cleaners, working their way up the citizenship ladder till they are able to attain permanent residency. This will then allow them to become US citizens in a much shorter time period than it would have taken them, had they pursued it through normal legal channels.

Many Republican senators have expressed their support for this guest worker program, saying that it was high time that these highly educated and hardworking legal immigrants were put to work on jobs average Americans didn't want, instead of being employed in professions Americans want but aren't qualified to perform. Moreover, these legal immigrants, unlike their illegal counterparts, contribute nothing to the country except hefty infusions of cash into the social security trust fund and the economy, especially during Christmastime when most of them visit their home country, taking along with them more than half the goods produced in the US during the year.

The passage of this bill will be a huge victory for legal immigrants, who have been lobbying for it for a long time, using highly visible methods for garnering public attention such as hushed inter-cubicle whisperings and frustrated table thumpings during dinner time. Their problems have been compounded by the fact that even though their large numbers presented a substantial vote bank for any beltway politician who would be willing to fight for their cause, they would still, through force of habit, continue to vote for a Gandhi family member for election to the US Congress.