Birth control funds to be diverted towards building more prisons instead

The Missouri House today voted to ban state funding of contraceptives for low-income women, instead, transferring those funds to the Missouri Department of Corrections, which is in charge of building and maintaining the state's prisons. The money saved by allowing poor women to have unprotected sex and giving birth to unwanted babies will now be spent on housing those babies after they have attained adulthood and committed various acts of felony. (via RawStory)

Speaking about the proposal, Republican Rep. Susan Phillips said, "If the destitute cannot afford to have kids, they should stop fornicating. Although I know it can be difficult to stay celibate if you are unemployed and have lots of idle time on your hands."

However, social workers in the Kansas City area are concerned about the possible fallout due to the passage of the law. "More unwanted pregnancies in low-income women will lead to even more crowding at Kansas City Chiefs football games. And we all know that cheering conditions in Arrowhead stadium are already quite stifling."

The Missouri Department of Corrections applauded the passing of the proposal. "Missouri is facing a dire shortage of prisoners due to its rapidly declining crime rate", said a department spokesman. "Already, St Louis has dropped from being no.2 in the list of America's most crime-ridden cities to no.4. Unless something is done to increase the number of criminals in the state, we are all gonna be laid off. So it is a good move on the part of the state to allow more poor people to have kids who will be raised in squalid conditions and eventually turn to a life of crime."

Asked if Missouri already having passed an anti-gay marriage amendment would help fill up the state's prisons instead of having to rely on low-income babies, the spokesman replied, "We don't really have a lot of gay people here in Missouri, most of them turn homosexual only after entering our prison system. So we really need those poor people to breed like rabbits."

In other news, President Bush reiterated his support for pre-emptive warfare, saying that next time, he will be declaring war before his approval ratings go down, not afterwards.