Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Democrats seek to raise President Bush's poll numbers through greater ineptitude of their own

The Democratic party, setting aside policy differences with President Bush, has vowed to help him fight his battle against poor approval ratings by assuming a deliberate aura of extreme incompetence that transcends even his own.

Party spokesman Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-CT), in a press conference said, "We need President Bush who, by the way, is a great kisser, to forget about all those polls that show that Americans aren't too crazy about the job he's been doing, and instead, focus on more important issues such as the war on terror. In order to achieve this, Democrats are willing to cast aside partisan politics and raise the president's poll numbers by assuming the mantle of ineptitude and detached nonchalance that would make his own ineptitude and detached nonchalance pale in comparison."

The Democratic plan to improve President Bush's poll numbers is a two-stage program. The first stage which is close to completion, involves berating the president publicly for illegally spying on Americans without a warrant. The second stage involves refusing to support a resolution sponsored by Sen Russ Feingold (D-Wis), which would censure the president for committing this act of illegality. These apparently contradictory actions of the Democratic party would achieve its ultimate objective of appearing to be hypocritical, unprincipled and a party that wouldn't be averse to selling it's own mother to the highest bidder in order to garner a few extra votes, all charges previously levelled by the same party against President Bush and the GOP.

Republicans are ecstatic and are embracing the Democrats' entry into the mainstream of beltway irrelevance and moral corruption. Rep Tom Delay (R-TX), in a welcoming banquet thrown for anti-censure Democrats at his Texas ranch, said, "This collapse of the Democratic spine sends a strong signal to terrorists around the world that America has succeeded in firmly putting down every internal opposition to the war in Iraq and giving the president total control over all three branches of the government. The establishment of a single-party authoritarian dictatorship in this country will no doubt be conducive to the unrestricted spread of democracy in the Middle-East."

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