Thursday, February 16, 2006

Americans burn down Australian embassy to protest Abu Ghraib pictures

Americans all over the world took to the streets today to protest an Australian network's broadcast of pictures of US soldiers in Iraq torturing detainees in the Abu Ghraib prison facility. Protests in Washington DC took an especially ugly turn after Americans stormed into the Australian embassy at Massachusetts Avenue, burnt it to the ground and tortured embassy officials in order to voice their displeasure at pictures they consider offensive to the US military.

The Republican Doctrine, which many Americans consider to be the word of God, decrees the US military to be a holy symbol of America's dominant position in global geopolitics, prohibiting depiction of its activities on paper or television, especially if those activities involve torturing people. In case that hallowed organization comes under attack from infidels seeking to tarnish its reputation, the Doctrine specifies violent retributions to be inflicted upon the guilty party by patriotic Americans in order to restore its honor and dignity.

The publishing of those pictures, which satirize the US millitary's purportedly pro-democracy occupation of Iraq by portraying its indulgence in the physical and sexual humiliation of Iraqi prisoners, for example, forcing them to masturbate in front of the camera, has been criticized by US government officials, who said that their publication could only "further inflame and possibly incite unnecessary violence in the world."

Moderate organizations such as the ACLU have requested Americans to stay calm, protest in a peaceful manner and explore the truth in those pictures. However, these moderate voices have been drowned out in the cacophony of outrage emanating from hardline fundamentalist American media outlets such as Fox News and right-wing talk radio, which have urged the torture of all those who published the offending pictures (via The Daily Doubter).

The furor over these pictures has started a controversy over the issue of free speech of the American media. Although most Americans support allowing the media to publish the truth, most of them display a vehement opposition to that policy when confronted with a truth that is incongruous with their idea of a morally unimpeachable America.

In unrelated news, Vice President Dick Cheney has clarified that the unlimited power vested in him by the US Constitution allows him to use it as a sanitary tissue to clean up after defecation. The president has, however, requested him to await his turn at the rag.

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