Monday, February 06, 2006

Flag manufacturers glum as embassy-burning gains popularity

American flag manufacturers are reporting a projected decline in first quarter revenues for the current fiscal year due to a reduced demand for inflammable American flags in many Middle-Eastern countries. Analysts claim that this decline is due to the fact that many Middle-Eastern Muslims today are burning Danish embassies instead of American flags, which has caused flag consumption to fall drastically in those countries.

Uptil recent times, American flags, along with loose morals and democracy, constituted the bulk of US exports to the Middle-East since burning American flags appeared to be the favorite pastime of choice for many a Middle-Easterner during an idle afternoon. These flags have a high carbon content which makes for an easier ignition and a robust flame, and thus, were perfect in their role as incendiary devices either by themselves, or as an accessory in setting alight bigger, better instruments of protest such as George W. Bush effigies and Condoleezza Rice blow-up dolls.

However, recent protests over cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed in a poor light led to the Danish embassy being set alight in Lebanon, thus leading to the discovery that foreign embassies are as inflammable as American flags, if not more. Also, since embassies create a bigger conflagration and contain human beings inside who do not wish to be burnt alive, they bestow a more prominent visibility as well as a greater bargaining power upon demonstrators who would wish for their viewpoint to be communicated to the world.

In light of embassy-burning beginning to gain popularity among the disgruntled masses, the embassy-building lobby in Washington has attempted to cash in on this newest cultural trend by purchasing air time on Al-Jazeera as well as other Middle-Eastern media outlets. A number of public service announcements have been made that seek to educate the average flag-burner on the numerous ways in which burning embassies is far superior to burning flags, such as a higher calorific output per unit religious outrage, in order to persuade him to make the switch.

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