Thursday, June 30, 2005

Land of the free, home of the medicated

Americans love drugs. They love to be medicated. That is the reason pharmaceutical companies are pushing the envelope, trying to find newer, sillier and more contrived than ever medical conditions which would be generic enough for a large segment of population to believe they are afflicted with. For example, check out what I saw on the idiot box today. It is called "Restless Legs Syndrome". Not only is it a disease, but it even has a foundation. Well, at least there is a website purporting to belong to a foundation. If you feel an overwhelming urge to keep moving your legs, you may have restless leg syndrome. Well, let me tell you something. I have restless leg syndrome. I have had it all my life. And you know what I do when I feel like moving my legs? I bloody well move them, thats what I do. I move them like theres no tomorrow. I even burn calories while doing that. It makes me healthier. But see, Americans would rather be medicated than be made to move their legs. "Why do I have to move my legs, can't I just take a pill or something", is their thought process. Medications make them feel like victims. And everybody likes to feel like a victim. 'Cause, if you are a victim, you are eligible for Compassion. And Compassion, like its whiny brother Pity, is an underrated emotion. Thats why they have all these syndromes, which cater to wannabe victims.

But the big papa, the grand daddy of all these syndromes is the Munchausen syndrome. What is it, you ask? I'll tell you what it is, and you damn well not have anything sharp lying around you, cos you might want to stab yourself in the eyes when I do. Munchausen's syndrome is a condition, according to this website, "an extreme and severe form of factitious disorder, a psychiatric condition in which a person feigns physical or psychological illness for emotional -- rather than financial gains". So what they are saying is, there exists a fictitious disease called "Munchausen syndrome" which makes a person want to believe he has a fictitious disease. You see why you were warned about the sharp objects? You can thank me later after you take your medication.

All these diseases have one reason for existing. That is to get people addicted to them. Its all about the addiction, baby. And you know what the greatest travesty in this country is? Medical marijuana, that magical, gentle, invaluable, valueless herb, which, if there were a God, would probably have been his best gift for the human race, is now banned, even though it actually helps people in pain. Think about that. So, next time you watch tv and you think you have the medical condition they are trying to sell you, you know what to do. Just move your goddamn legs.


Charu said...

ya, move your legs, and if possible us your brains too :)
the tendency to pop in pills, almost as a compulsion, is scary! and scarier is obsession with being ill... eeks.

gawker said...

Along with car ads on the tv, the other big thing is pharmaceutical ads. So, basically, once you are done watching tv, your overwhelming urge is to get into your car and drive to your local pharmacy.