A bid for wresting control of the Republican White House and transferring it into Democratic hands was foiled today when Secret Service agents arrested an Arkansas resident who was trying to climb over the White House fence. The Arkansan, later identified as Senator Hillary Clinton, later admitted under threat of torture that the fence-climbing was the first step in a series of events designed to culminate in the Democratic control of the White House.
The Democrats, who have lately been shut out from practically every branch of American government, had been expected to carry out such an act of extremism since they have traditionally been pretty inept at converting a coherent economic, social and foreign policy into electoral victories. Thus, it was natural that at some point in time, frustrated with their inability to succeed in the traditional way of being elected into office, the Democratic Party would attempt a more direct approach, namely, breaking into and entering the WhiteHouse.
Sen. Clinton, who is rumored to be harboring presidential ambitions, has admitted that after instituting herself in the Oval office, she was planning to appoint herself as the President, the Vice President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court simultaneously, after which, the first item on her list of priorities was to impeach her philandering husband, former President Bill Clinton for perjury, which was something that had been on her agenda for a while now as an unfinished Congressional matter. This would then be followed by other miscellaneous appointments like George W.Bush as Private First Class (PFC), to be stationed on the Iraqi battlefront with Paul Wolfovitz, the deputy Secretary of Defense, as his good looking sidekick who would be killed in battle. Vice President Dick Cheney's body, which reportedly contains the second largest deposits of fossil fuel after Saudi Arabia, would be preserved as part of the strategic American crude oil reserve, to be melted down and utilized during the next fuel emergency.
White House advisor Karl Rove has condemned the attempted incursion, saying "If the Democrats want to play dirty, they should just follow the Republican way of rigging presidential elections. Breaking into the White House is uncalled for."
In other news, Saddam Hussain's defence team walked out of the courtroom in protest after accusing the judge of not hearing their complaints. Soon after, Saddam Hussain named himself his own defence counsel and expressed his intention to walk out as well.