Sunday, December 18, 2005

Patriot Act extension blocked amidst giggles

A group of senators today successfully blocked the renewal of the Patriot Act in the US Senate. The Patriot Act was first passed after the September 11, 2001 attacks to expand the authority of the federal government in obtaining private records and conducting secret searches and wiretaps in its effort to track down suspected terrorists. The Patriot Act has since then come under fire for being abused by the government to indulge in various civil rights violations such as imprisoning American citizens for indefinite periods of time without allowing them access to legal help, as well as rifling through private records such as library book checkout lists.

This blockage however elicited titters of amusement amongst the remaining members of the Republican dominated Senate who winked at each other while trying their best to stifle their giggles. "Ooh without the Patriot Act we are really screwed.....ooh I'm so scared", whispered Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison while nudging her benchmate Sen John Cornyn of Texas in the ribs, while Mr Cornyn buried his face inside his Bible in an attempt to hide his mirth at this statement of hers.

"The renewal of the Patriot Act is essential to bestowing legality on the prolonged confinement of people who might or might not be a threat to this country", said Sen. Lindsey Graham R-SC, pretending to act serious. "Yes, if the Patriot Act isn't renewed, it will be impossible to legally hold anyone in captivity ..... tee hee hee", he added.

President Bush in a press statement said with jocular gravity, "I call upon those senators who are blocking the Patriot Act to rethink their decision. And I also urge the UN to revise its vote on refusing to give me the authority to invade Iraq", he added chuckling to himself at his joke, accompanied by a drum roll while the Rose Garden audience cheered his comic routine.

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