Saturday, January 07, 2006

Indians hail the inclusion of Hindi as a terrorist language

Indians are celebrating the inclusion of Hindi in the syllabus to be taught to American children as a language spoken by terrorists. President Bush today announced that American students would be taught a number of foreign languages, including Hindi, as a part of "The National Security Language Initiative", in order to strengthen the security of the nation by enabling its citizens with the means to understand what the heck terrorists are saying to each other.

"It is a major achievement for India to be included in the League of Terrorist-language-speaking nations", remarked an exultant Indian government official. "We are now officially on the world map, designated by a skull and crossbones", he continued.

President Bush, elaborating about the details of the plan, said, "the National Security Language Initiative has three broad goals. First is to expand the number of Americans mastering “critical need” languages. I will be kick-starting the program by learning English which, they say, is a critical language, by virtue of being spoken by almost half the world's population."

Bush also said that in order to instruct American children in potential terrorist languages, it would be necessary to recruit teachers from terrorist nations. "The only way America can be safe and secure is to bring in scholars well versed in terrorist languages and provide them with a safe base of operations in the US", remarked the president.

The president's initiative has met with whole-hearted approval in all Middle-Eastern suspected terrorist nations including Iran, Syria and Pakistan, all of which have provided the president with a list of highly eligible applicants that should be provided safe passage to the US as language trainers.

However, not all Indians were satisfied by the president's initiative. Mr Nagaraj Rao, who can be found in the comments section of the abovementioned news article, complained about the non-inclusion of Tamil as a potential terrorist language. "Why exclude Tamilians from your list?", asked an irate Rao. "Look at Sri Lanka. We can bomb and blow things up along with the best of the best", he added.

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