Older species of wildlife to be exterminated to make way for new ones discovered in California

Twenty-seven hitherto unknown species of spiders, scorpions and other insects have been discovered in a cave underneath the Sierra Mountains in California, prompting the Bush administration to issue an environmental red alert.

President Bush, who has always been in the forefront of environmental conservation, has approved a Congressional bill that would reduce the number of wildlife species currently populating the earth in order to make space for these newly discovered species. The bill will be a major step forward in environmental conservation by conserving what is left of the planet's land mass and keeping it safe for human habitation. While speaking on the issue, Bush said, "Our planet has the means to support both Americans as well as the rest of our animal friends who can live together in perfect equilibrium. However, when new species of animals suddenly emerge from Nature's armpit, it disrupts this delicate balance, and so, to enable these newer species to thrive, we have to get rid of those older species that have already enjoyed their fair share of life on this planet."

Bush has asked all American corporations to enlist in this gigantic natural conservation effort by exterminating any species of wildlife they feel make little or no contributions to the planet's natural diversity. Oil companies have been the first to step up to the plate by offering to drill in the Arctic wildlife refuge where a number of species such as polar bears, arctic foxes and snow geese could be made extinct in a matter of years, thus creating more space for spiders and SUVs to exist in mutual harmony. Timber and logging companies have also followed close behind with their proposal to eliminate thousands of acres of woodland in Oregon which could not only do away with several species of plant and animal life but also reduce global warming which the administration is now ready to believe isn't a mere figment of liberal imagination.

In a move that should do a lot for Sino-American relations, China has offered to aid the US in its endeavours to conserve the planet's natural resources by doing its part and exterminating the endangered Royal Bengal Tiger, a primary source of Royal Bengal Tiger Penis, which is widely used by Chinese men in soup form to bolster their drooping manhoods during fornication.