Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Mexican immigrants to be hired for carrying out NSA surveillance

President Bush today announced that as part of his guest-worker program, a number of Mexican illegal aliens currently residing in the country would be recruited by the National Security Agency (NSA) to carry out surveillance on American citizens.

The secret NSA wire-tapping-cum-civil-rights-violating program has recently come under attack ever since the discovery of its existence, for carrying out possibly illegal activities under the guise of presidential prerogative. The program is now also facing difficulties finding suitable local talent to staff its eavesdropping centers due to most Americans' objection to being employed in a non-legal profession. In order to keep the remaining employees of the program from fleeing their posts and also to boost their sagging spirits, President Bush today will travel to the heavily secured site of the spy agency in Maryland and give a speech on why being a criminal and operating outside of the law is not necessarily a bad thing.

White House spokesman Scott McClellan, on being asked for a quote, remarked, "It is always an emotionally difficult time for employees of a company on being informed that essentially, what they have been doing till now was not legal under the constitution. Such companies tend to face an extremely high attrition rate. Our solution to this problem is to utilize the guest-worker program in order to hire illegal immigrants for these extremely well-paid positions, especially since those people would be well qualified in the key area necessary to carry out the responsibilities that come with this job, namely, a non-adherence to the law."

Some Americans have expressed reservations about this program, but as Bill O'Reilly explained it on the O'Reilly Factor, "Would you rather have your neighbour listen in on your phone-sex, or some farmer from Tijuana who won't understand what you are saying anyways?"

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