Imran Khan for affirmative action in American detention centers

Imran Khan, Pakistani ex-cricketer and politician, is campaigning for affirmative action in American terrorist detention centers like Guantanamo Bay. "Lately, the Muslim community has monopolized the roster of American detention centers, but these world-renowned institutions of American democracy need more cultural diversity. Unless America recognizes the valuable contributions Hindus have made to terrorism and provides them with an equal opportunity for admission into America's detention centers, it will be difficult for Hindus to assimilate into the world community." Imran Khan further added, "Hindus have long been denied recognition for their limited, yet culturally significant ventures into terrorism."

Khan, taking up cudgels on behalf of the global Hindu community, protested America's lack of acknowledgement for Hindu-sponsored terrorism in Sri-Lanka by the LTTE. In an article in The Daily Times, Imran Khan wrote that the West believed that the Muslims were the major suicide bombers, but they don’t recognise the fact that before 9/11, 70 percent of suicide bombings in the world were “committed by the Tamil Tigers in Sri Lanka, who were Hindus”. "Hindus are not getting the attention they deserve", Khan lamented, "and this is contributing to their isolation from the global mainstream".

The Shiv Sena , fundamentalist Hindu political party and one-stop shop for Hinduism apparel and accessories, on being asked to comment on Khan's activism, replied "We do not need the Imran Khans of this world to further our case with the US. We can promote our own terrorist activities."

The White House responded to Imran Khan's impassioned advocacy of the Hindu community by stating "The Republican party does not believe in affirmative action. Guantanamo Bay is not an equal opportunity institute. Terrorists will gain admission into Gitmo based on their resume and not on their race or religion. Also, America, from past experience, will henceforth, refuse to entertain any requests from individuals named Khan"

Editor's note : Imran Khan is a douchebag.