Tuesday, November 22, 2005

African nations hold concert to fight against infant mortality in the US

A consortium of African nations, including Somalia, Ethiopia, Zambia and the Democratic Republic of Congo are joining hands in expressing support for a world-wide effort to fight infant mortality in the US by holding a concert for the cause. This concert is an attempt to harness public opinion in the fight against tiny toys, which are reportedly the leading cause of mortality in American toddlers.

The concert, tentatively named as "Toys R'nt Us", will be held in Darfur, Sudan, where thousands of African children have also died, although of relatively minor causes like genocide and malnutrition. The concert will be telecast live throughout the world, except in the US, where television networks have been explicitly ordered to keep any references to Sudan and the mass murder of it's citizens off the air in order to shield Americans from the senseless violence raging outside the boundaries of their own country.

President Abdullahi Yusuf Ahmed of Somalia will personally inaugurate the concert, which will feature such acclaimed African acts like "The Dancing WitchDoctors of Addis Ababa" and "Jennifer Lopez and the Starvin' Marvins".

"The children of America are dying in tens, if not the twenties, every year due to strangulation, choking and other first-worldly reasons caused by dangerous toys", warned a misty-eyed Abdullahi Yusuf Ahmed. "Unless something is done soon, that country's population will soon disappear off the face of Iraq."

The proceeds of the concert, mostly in earthen utensil form, will be donated to various charities such as World Against Toys Causing Harm, or W.A.T.C.H, which has already issued a list of ten toys that will cause the most toddler deaths in the US this holiday season.

President Bush has expressed his gratitude at this African initiative. "We appreciate the concern shown by the good skinny residents of Africa towards the welfare of our children. Unless Africa helps us today to save our children from these killer toys, they might not grow up to be adults who attack oil-bearing nations while turning a blind eye to genocidal dictatorships in Africa."

In unrelated news, in wake of the Catholic Church's decision to brand the theory of Intelligent Design as pseudo-science, the Rev. Pat Robertson has called for the assassination of the Pope.

No comments: