Saturday, November 05, 2005

Bush admits to receiving oral sex and lying about it

Zogby's has reported that 51% of Americans are now in favor of impeaching President Bush if he misled the American public and did not tell the truth about his real reasons for going to war with Iraq. The president, anticipating that impeachment proceedings could be initiated against him very soon, has decided to plead guilty to a lesser offence and has admitted to receiving a blow job in the Oval Office and then lying to Congress about it.

The media, bewildered at this strange turn of events, has asked the president to explain his confession to a crime which no one has accused him of committing. President Bush, however, maintains his position that he has repeatedly lied to Congress and the American people about never having had his knob polished. "I did have sex with that woman...The woman whose name I cannot reveal since the matter is under investigation", said the president during a Grand Jury testimonial that was hastily convened after results of the poll were published. The poll, which was commissioned by, a coalition of progressive groups which was seeking a Congressional investigation of the events leading up to war in Iraq, sent a shock wave through the White House, which acted immediately and issued a signed confession of the president admitting to having committed adultery and then perjury.

Sensing reluctance of an incredulous media to pursue investigation into his self-alleged crime, the president then attempted to bargain his way into a deal. "How about if I confess to having sex and lying about it under oath? Or how about this...I confess to burning an American flag, after having sex while draped in it?", inquired the president. "Would that be enough to satisfy Congressional criteria for being impeached?"

Democrats accuse the president of trying to evade his own prosecution, having invaded a sovereign country under false premises that led to the death of thousands of American troops as well as Iraqis, by conjuring up a pretend offense that could allow him to serve a small jail sentence and return home to Crawford in time for his daughters' next DUI arrest trial.

Other Republicans who have already been indicted or still are in the process of being indicted of serious criminal offences, such as Sen. Bill Frist and Rep. Tom DeLay, have also confessed to having committed relatively less serious crimes like shoplifting and cross-dressing in an attempt to get a milder sentence.

No comments: