Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Oil companies announce cash production restored to pre-hurricane levels

A nervous nation finally breathed a sigh of relief on Exxon Mobil's announcement that cash production had finally been restored to a level commensurate to that before hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. Cash production facilities, which had been dealt a significant blow by the assault of hurricanes Katrina and Rita on Texas and Louisiana, are now reported to be operating at peak production schedules again.

The rise in cash production has also led to a corresponding drop in gas prices, causing consumers to celebrate. An Exxon Mobil spokesman, on being asked to comment replied, "The dual effect of increased demand for gas because of the holiday driving season and hurricane Katrina had caused an acute shortage of cash in company coffers, requiring the company to raise gas prices through the roof. However, Exxon, through increased drilling operations in consumer pockets, has now managed to rebuild it's cash inventory so that consumers can now enjoy the transferred benefit of falling gas prices."

President Bush on being notified about the good news remarked, "Now that oil company executives have managed to secure a college education for their kids, it is time for the rest of the country to reap the benefits of peak cash production."

Oil companies have forecast a mostly sunny outlook for cash production during the coming cold winter months, when most American homes require to be heated using oil or natural gas. However, in case of a cash inventory depletion due to unforeseen circumstances like contributing to Republican election campaigns, Exxon has assured consumers that cash levels will be augmented by squeezing consumers' balls.

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