The Department of Musical Health (DMH) has warned that a major aural pandemic could be on the way due to transmission of bad musical tastes through used Ipods. Piper Jaffray Analysts, a legitimate firm with an illegitimate sounding name, claim that about 30 percent of Ipod purchasers are repeat buyers, who have the potential to act as aural carriers when they transfer ownership of their used Ipods to a different user.
These new users are then at a huge risk of being infected by the lack of musical judgement on the part of the previous owner of their Ipod. Analysts say the people highest at risk of being turned on to infernally bad music are the friends and family of the original user, who become inadvertant victims of the hand-me-down music syndrome.
Most Ipod users, says the DMH, do not bother wiping their Ipods clean of their music before passing it on to a different user. A lot of times, this leads to a perpetuation of audio files that should have been exterminated during the transfer. When new owners come in contact with this contaminated music, they might accidentally consume it out of curiousity, and might even get turned on to it. Many new owners have complained that they used to listen to rock music, and then the Ipod they purchased had rap music on it, and now they just can't get enough of dat shit, yo.
Also, many previous rap music lovers have been converted into Backstreet Boys fans and have been ostracized by their hood. Violence has sometimes erupted with accusations of being a sissyboy and a wannabe honky being thrown around after someone was spotted headbanging to "I want it that way" in his new Volkswagen Beetle.
The DMH has exhorted used Ipod sellers to delete all the music on their Ipod before transferring it to a new owner because, quote, we do not want to turn into an entire nation of Macarena lovers, unquote.
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