Thursday, November 03, 2005

Reality shows to play major role in Iraqi reconstruction

Taking inspiration from his wife's success in mitigating the tremendous suffering caused by Hurricane Katrina by appearing on a reality show to reconstruct one destroyed home, President Bush has announced that American reality shows will be utilized to play a major role in Iraqi reconstruction efforts. The president confessed that he was at a loss as to why he did not think of this brilliant idea before. "It is a perfect plan. Reality shows will help Iraqis take their mind off the destruction occurring there on a daily basis, and at the same time, make them believe something is actually being reconstructed, even if it's only on a television reality show."

Shows being considered for export to Iraq include "Trading Spaces", where two Iraqi couples will exchange their bombed out former places of residence and try to reconstruct them using nothing but grenade shrapnel fragments and goat vertebrae, with US crews filming the process. Rules have been slightly modified to allow either couple to keep for themselves any water, food or livestock they find in the other couple's residence.

The reality show "The Bachelorette", is also being considered as a prime candidate for export. The Iraqi version of this show will feature a Sunni, a Shia and a Kurd all vying to capture the attention of a single Jewish female (since Islamic culture prohibits single women from cavorting in public with male strangers). Rules of the competition prohibit attempts by either contestant to indulge in any ethnic cleansing. Also, if none of them manages to capture the attention of the bachelorette, the competition will move into deathmatch mode with the competitors trying to capture the actual woman herself.

Finally, "The Survivor" will be remade to resonate with Iraqi viewers. In this version of the show, former Iraqi president Saddam Hussain will be let loose in the ghettos of Washington DC with nothing but a camel in tow. His objective will be to avoid being captured by a neighbourhood pimp and forced to fellate Republican senators in their Georgetown apartments. The camel will help him get re-acquainted with the physical appearance of a cameltoe, in case he fails in his mission.

Iraqis have welcomed the entry of these reality shows into Iraq by increasing suicide bombing attacks that are reportedly designed to create more rubble for these reality shows to reconstruct on television.

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