Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Bill Gates funds fake research institute by mistake, asks for money back

Bill Gates is reportedly suing the Seattle based Discovery Institute after it refused to return the 10 million dollars donation the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation made to it over a period of 5 years.

As anyone familiar with the whole Evolution / Intelligent Design / Flying Spaghetti Monster controversy knows, the Discovery Institute is a fake research organization dedicated to the propagation of the Intelligent Design "theory", which purportedly tries to prove that man did not actually evolve from apes but was ejaculated by God, after a nightlong session of passionate intercourse with the Firebreathing Galactic Serpent.

Bill Gates, when asked to comment, replied, "Our foundation, as everyone knows, is a philanthropic organization dedicated to the cause of education. I thought we were pledging funds to the Discovery Channel, you know, the one with the irritating Australian prick who sleeps with rattlesnakes and fingers crocodiles to an orgasm. Unfortunately, I sent it to the wrong outfit. Little did we know that our money was going to some two-bit religious quackhouse which makes a mockery out of science and is trying to inseminate theology into an otherwise scientific topic. We, at Microsoft, do not believe in Intelligent Design. We develop all our software in-house, and it's very obvious if you look closely at our software that no Intelligent Design ever went into any of our products."

When asked if his mistake had made his wife, Melinda Gates, angry at him, Gates replied, "Yeah she was pretty mad. You know women, every million dollars mistakenly donated to the wrong research institute is a million dollars less spent on buying shoes. In fact she was so pissed that she just went ahead and upgraded my home computer to Windows XP Service Pack 2. Service Pack 2, imagine that. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. Nothing works anymore now. You've got to be pretty mad at someone to punish them like that."

The Discovery Institute has refused to return the 10 million dollar check Bill Gates mailed them, reportedly saying "No. Money like. Money not give back."

In related news, Steve Jobs of Apple Computer, trying to keep up with the Gateses, has started donating money to a new foundation attempting to convert seawater into oil.

1 comment:

~JR~ said...