Friday, September 16, 2005

Judge rules uttering God's name during on-screen sex acts unconstitutional

In a landmark victory for the forces of atheism in America, a judge has ruled that any on-screen sex act that culminates in the utterance of a word referencing God or His son is unconstitutional and shall be punishable by law.

This class action lawsuit brought about by the Fornicating Actor's Guild against the Association of Pornographic Movie Producers reflected the growing desire in adult film actors to maintain the separation of church and sex that had lately been under threat from overly religious adult movie producers. When asked about the need for this class action lawsuit, one of the plaintiffs in the case who refused to supply her name said, "As an atheist, it offends my sensibilities when my producer asks me to scream out 'Jesus Christ, I'm coming'. Since I do not believe in Jesus Christ or in orgasms, this goes entirely against my belief structure, and is tantamount to harassment at the workplace."

A spokesman for the Movie Producer's Association, when asked to comment, replied "We tried replacing 'Jesus Christ' with 'Non-Denominational Supreme Being Who Might Not Exist', but somehow that does not seem to carry the same effect. It's too complex for our average clientele to relate to and hence, bad for business. Many of our customers have returned their purchases, complaining that they couldn't follow the plot at the end."

In a remarkable case of bipartisan consensus, religious right-wing organizations have agreed with the decision, saying "Sex is a spawn of Satan, so the gratuitous utterance of God's name during this foul act is a heinous crime. We applaud the judge's decision."

In other news, Wikipedia has announced that it will no longer allow the White House to make any more changes to it's section on "Rationale for the Iraq War", citing a lack of credibility and server space (via horkulated).

8 comments:

raven said...

Hilarious!

Sakshi said...

boss....Where do you come up with these stories????.....lol

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO ...gawker ...are all this posts original ? or ... r u cuttin n pastin from somewhere ? If they are original you may have become a serious competitor to theonion.com. - MINO

gawker said...

raven : heh thanks

sakshi : It's probably the steak I had for dinner last night

mino : Moses said thou shalt not plagiarize from thy opponent. As long as thou art not Annu Malik. If thou art Annu Malik thou shalt doest as thou pleasest.

jaygee said...

Oh Dear me! What will happen to all those ...ahem.. names shouted out that very crucial moments??? :) Superb post

Pearl said...

Thanks for that laughter!

Harini Calamur said...

you are joking of course or is this a true story :)
it is truly funny. but they may run into some serious trouble with this school back home
http://calamur.org/gargi/2005/08/08/the-ideal-wife-2/

gawker said...

Jaygee, Pearl : Thanks, no problem heh

harini : Yeah, I read that story. Yes, that group might not like this new law .