Sen. Bill Frist plays doctor, gives CPR indiscriminately

Carrying on with his tradition of showcasing his medical talent in order to highlight the fact that he is the only real doctor in the senate, Republican senator Bill Frist visited New Orleans and provided expert medical advice in the treatment of Hurricane Katrina survivors.

Bill Frist, seen in this photograph, as well as on CNN earlier this day, sporting a stethoscope around his neck, is best known for his expert medical advice on the Terri Schiavo case, where, after merely viewing a hospital video of Terri Schiavo, he opined that she was, in fact, not in a persistent vegetative state, thus making null and void the diagnoses of doctors who actually treated her in person and putting into jeopardy the very existence of the medical profession. Later on, an autopsy proved Sen. Frist's medical diagnosis to be entirely false, thereby creating the need for a stethoscope to be permanently draped around his neck in all future camera shoots in order to bolster his credentials.

Sen. Frist, when asked to comment on his rescue efforts in New Orleans said, "I have watched a video of New Orleans being flooded after the hurricane, and I have come to the conclusion that most of these survivors are suffering from drowning-related asphyxiation." Immediately thereafter, Sen. Frist grabbed a woman lying on a gurney and proceeded to give her CPR. On being informed that this particular survivor was suffering from starvation and dehydration and not asphyxiation, the good doctor remarked, "Well, I watched the video and I saw a lot of water and I stick to my diagnosis."

In other news, President Bush has assured the nation that Vice President Dick Cheney has reportedly not been killed in the hurricane aftermath, but beyond that, there is very little information as to his whereabouts.