England : Love made her ridicule prisoner genitalia

Lynndie England, an accused in the notorious Abu Ghraib prison scandal, where a number of Iraqi prisoners were stripped, forced to masturbate and stacked in a pyramid and then photographed, has defended her actions, saying that it was her love for her boyfriend that made her do those things.

England, seen here standing beside a group of naked Iraqis, pointing derisively at their penises, tried to justify her behavior by saying that she was just trying to make her boyfriend, whom she loved oh so much, feel good about the size of his miniscule penis by comparing it with those of the Iraqis.

Pvt. Charles Graner, her boyfriend, also a soldier who was posted in the same prison, has defended his girlfriend's actions. "Those were hard times for me. Actually, not so "hard" if you know what I mean. When we made love, even though she didn't say anything, I could sense that Lynndie was not really satisfied with the performance of little Mr Johnson. And it got me depressed and made me lose focus of my job to such an extent that sometimes I stacked those poor prisoners in a pentahedron of nakedness instead of a pyramid. Yeah, it must have been hard on them."

England testified that her boyfriend was needlessly worried about his manhood. "He wasn't any worse than the other guys, you know. At least the other white guys", she said dreamily. "But he really needed me to tell him that. So I stripped all these prisoners, lined them up and made fun of their genitals, just to let Charlie know how much I loved him and that his ridiculously diminutive member was not really that much of an aberration."

In unrelated news, President Bush attempted to calm the fear of America's elderly populace, who were afraid that their medicare funding would face deep cuts in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, by advising them that the best way for old people to stay healthy was to join the army where the government would take care of their health for them. (via Raw Story)