Thursday, September 01, 2005

Iraqi Republican Guard despatched to assist in Hurricane rescue efforts

Saddam Hussain, ex-Iraqi dictator and lingerie supermodel, speaking from his prison cell, has ordered the dispatch of 10,000 members of his elite Iraqi Republican Guard troops, to take the place of the Louisiana National Guard, in order to assist in the rescue efforts currently under way in Louisiana and Mississippi in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. This uncharacteristically generous gesture from the genocidal dictator was made in response to a formal request for humanitarian assistance from President George W Bush. "I made the case before him that since American troops were over there in Iraq, serving his country in it's time of need, would he be so kind as to provide some of his troops, if he could spare any, to help America in it's hour of tragedy.", said President Bush in a press conference.

The reason President Bush had to turn to his arch nemesis for help is because of an acute shortage of Louisiana National Guardsmen, most of whom are currently serving in the capacity of military personnel in Iraq. When a natural disaster strikes, the National Guard corps is usually the state's first line of defense. Although administration officials claim that they have enough National Guardsmen from other states to fill in the vacancies, military insiders say that with the army failing to accomplish it's monthly recruiting goals and the situation in Iraq getting grimmer by the day, more national guardsmen might be dispatched to Iraq, thus causing an acute shortage of manpower in the rescue effort.

On the insistence of President Bush, Saddam Hussain has enforced a strict no-beheading, no-raping, some-pillaging policy on the Republican Guard patrolling the streets of New Orleans, Louisiana and Biloxi, Mississippi. Also, following protocol established by American troops in Iraq, a higher priority is being given to the protection and security of oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico, rather than the citizenry, in spite of rampant looting taking place in flood affected areas.

In other news, President Bush, having had to finally end his vacation 2 days earlier than planned because of the chaos caused by hurricane Katrina, has remarked that this was pretty much his worst summer vacation ever.

Update : God has apologized to the God-fearing, heterosexually monogamous good citizens of Mississippi for inadvertently being subjected to the hurricane originally sent to annihilate the homosexual denizens of Godless New Orleans. Next time, God has said, He will try to aim better (via Atrios).

7 comments:

chappan said...

CG
Too good dude...just cracked me up...

How bout ,as per the Iraqi Communications Minister, according to whome the Americans have not yet reached Baghdad, is overseeing the Rep. Guard despatch.

That chap was a riot, remember.

Sourin

gawker said...

Thanks man. Yeah, I remember the dude. The Iraqi version of Scott McClellan.

lumi said...

ROFL...maybe Osama could lend us his minions too?

gawker said...

Well, he might even do that just to rub it in our face, just like Hugo Chavez did when he offered low cost oil to hurricane affected Americans even after Robertson put a fatwa out for him.

arZan said...

good one gawker. Chappan u mean Baghdad Bob don't you ??

gawker said...

"This site is a coalition effort of bloodthirsty hawks and ineffectual doves united in admiration for Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (currently on administrative leave). "

haha awesome site.

chappan said...

Thanks Arzan. MSS Rulz...foreva. What a guy huh ?