Friday, September 09, 2005

The office war

So yesterday a colleague in my office, lets call him G, sends me an email forward which goes like this:

"Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a
survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around
to shake off the ticks, do not do it!
They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid."

Now, G is a Republican, a decent enough Republican in that he does not kill and eat kittens, probably just maims them for life. I remember during the election insanity, we were once drinking in an Irish pub, watching the second Presidential debate, and under the influence of Democratic enthusiasm as well as Guinness-induced inebriation, when G W Bush started to speak, I stood up and started yelling indiscriminately at the television screen, and G gently reminded me to cool down saying yes, he could understand my pain, but really, was it the tv's fault?

So, because of G's Republicanism and my own khujli, I reply to his email thusly : "Don’t feel bad, I’m sure it got rid of the ticks too"

To which G replies back : "I hope you get bitten by a rabid dog."

Then, back from me : "Well come on over, I’m in my cubicle."

G replies back : "You mean the one without a window?"

Well, my cubicle doesn't have a window while his does. It is probably all for the best, since it keeps me from escaping, but it is still a sore point with me.

Now here, I should remind you that this email exchange was also being sent to a couple more people, seeing as it was a forward. Here's where J joined the fray. Now J is the kind of person, who, if he had been there in biblical times during the David-Goliath slugfest, if he had thought David and Goliath were on the verge of making peace, he would have thrown a tomato or something at Goliath, whistled, looked away and insinuated that it was David, just to keep the fight going.

So, J chimes in with : "Aww....Man that was Low!!!!"

Nevertheless, I reply back to G : "Ah so that’s where the ticks came from, your window."

J, the flamemaker replies : "Good come back!!!"

G then says : "No, probably from the Indian place last Friday."

J, probably anticipating that the fight is winding down, in a last-ditch effort to keep it alive, chips in with : "Ouch...And G pulls out the Race Card!!!"

Unfazed, I reply : "Well who asked you to order deer?"

G, shifting his attention to J, says : "Listen Sir Limp a lot, keep your mouth shut over there."

J currently has a cast on his leg, from a bike accident a while ago. Correctly recognizing that G's wrath has shifted from me to him, and like all tomato-throwing, fire-igniting bystanders, he tries to quell it before it breaks out in a full-fledged inferno.

He says: "Hey you just remember who provides the magazines for your 10:00 a.m 'Break'"

This is where the conversation ends, probably because we all run out of things to say.

Then, later at lunchtime, as I am placing an order in the neighbourhood Subway restaurant, I look around and there's G, along with J, sitting at a table. Assuming a fighting stance, I say with barely disguised hostility: "Did you follow me here? You looking for a fight?"

G, no doubt feeling intimidated by my footlong sub, replies mildly and with a tinge of sorrow, "So is this the end of our friendship?"

Now feeling bad about all the animosity that passed between us, I try to put it all behind me, saying "No man of course not, all water under the bridge. Till tomorrow, of course.", I add, not wanting to get too sentimental.

Fighting back tears over this emotional reunion, we go back to the office.


Anonymous said...

jejeje - MINO

Sujatha said...

Had a good laugh gawker.

raven said...

Um - I sure hope this wasn't over office email.,39020369,39217322,00.htm

chappan said...

Where do u work dude ? The Philly zoo...Great stuff....keep em coming

gawker said...

Sujatha : Thankuplease

raven : It was, but it didnt go out of the office so I guess Im fine

Sourin : we all did evolve from apes right?