Thursday, September 08, 2005

New poll confirms most poll participants unqualified to be polled

A new study by online pollster Mister Poll has suggested that contrary to popular belief, Americans might not be qualified enough to participate in polls. The poll tries to identify the relationship between various personality traits of people with their propensity for being polled. The results clearly show that the segments of society most vociferously trying to make their opinions known to public are the teenaged female segment and the male segment of population wallowing in the throes of mid-life crises. Also, the topics most likely to receive the most patronage from these segments were polls related to sex and / or nudity.

This poll to verify the validity of all previous polls, was carried out under US Congressional guidance, who was getting increasingly wary about strange and nonsensical trends that were beginning to manifest themselves lately in many polls. For instance, in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, even with the shadow of possibly more than 10,000 dead in the resulting floods, a majority of Americans who were polled refused to hold anyone responsible for this tragedy, also refusing to ask for anyone to be fired for incompetence. On the other hand, when it came to rising gas prices, people were quick to hold the president and oil companies responsible, even demanding an investigation into the matter. The results of these two polls basically indicated that if Americans had any kind of complaint with hurricane Katrina, it was that instead of water, it didn't rain barrels of crude oil.

Dr Timothy Schlesinger of the American Institute of Common Sense (AICS), when asked to comment on these strange new polling trends said, "Lately, it has become a matter of policy for all administrations to implement public policy decisions based on poll numbers, and not on informed rational reasoning. In that respect, it is important to note that the constituency the government is relying on to base it's policy-making upon, is mostly composed of teenaged girls with raging hormones, who usually cannot be relied on even to make basic household decisions and depressed suicidal men who quite possibly might desire the end of all mankind."

On being polled whether they agreed with this new poll, Americans, in a huge majority of 100% said no, thus leading Congress to quash it's findings.

1 comment:

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