So, America, what the fuck is happening, man? Two monstrous sons of bitches in one month? I thought all that the freakin global warming was gonna do to my butt was give it a darker shade of sunburn and some more space for me to drive my bad-ass SUV. No one told me about the $200 billion New Orleans reconstruction bill or the $5.00 gas price. Come on man, what the fuck is all this hurricane BS? Talk to me, buddy.
Ok, lets be fair here. No one knows if what's happening here is due to global warming. What we know as facts are the following :
1.> Hurricanes feast on warm oceanic water , increasing in intensity as the water gets warmer.
2.> Hurricane Katrina occurred when the water of the Mexican Gulf was 2-3 degrees F above average.
3.> The average global oceanic water temperature has increased within the past few years.
4.> Greenhouse gas emission has increased within the past few years.
5.> Greenhouse gases are making the earth, and hence, the ocean warmer.
Now, granted, all this is circumstantial evidence, and it does not mean that greenhouse gases caused the massiveness of Hurricane Katrina or Hurricane Rita. But goddamnit, isn't there enough evidence to at least start thinking about whether all this is correlated? But the problem is, short-sighted conservatives just look at the so-called benefits of global warming, like increased space for human settlements in the Arctic where the ice is receding, warmer climates so you don't have to wear those clumsy unsexy sweaters and easier oil exploration to satisfy your thirst for that black shit. Heck, one group, calling itself (ironically) the Cooler Heads Coalition is even claiming that global warming is oh so hip and cool because it can be used, someday to create life on Mars. Ok, it might just be me but I really fucking don't give a damn about life on Mars as long as my life here on earth is in jeopardy. And I am not in a mood to move to Mars anytime soon, 'cause you know, moving is a bitch and I have already moved far too goddamn often.
So this is what I'm saying conservative motherfuckers. How about you open your eyes just a little bit so I can flash some numbers at you. Since numbers seem to be the only thing your tiny one-dimensional brains seem to be able to handle.
Hurricane Katrina cost : $200 billion
Gas price next week : $5.00 a gallon
Number of major airlines forced into bankruptcy after Katrina : 2
Probability of a recession because of Katrina : 18%. That is, without considering the effects of Hurricane Rita.
Did that wake you up from your oblivious slumber? Did it kinda make you feel less warm n cozy about global warming? If it did, then how about you do something about it? At least try to find out rationally and honestly, using science and common sense, if the south is being ass-fucked because the north keeps shitting carbon dioxide into the atmosphere? Just get the fucking will, won't you? And earn your fucking salary bitches, or I swear, no more lunch money for you.
Oh, and while I am on the subject of gas prices, hey Mainstream Media here's some advice for you. Why don't you shut the fuck up about $5.00 gas prices next week? Stop going around town beating your drum, warning people that next week they are gonna be screwed when they fill their car up. See, all that's gonna achieve is that people will panic today, go to the gas station, fill their cars up, go back home, empty their gas tank into the basement, repeat it till their basements are full of gas, then go back and do it to their parents' basement. And this is gonna drive gas prices up to, hell, maybe even beyond the 5 dollar mark. So you see what you are doing here? You are just making the oil companies richer. Why don't you side with the poor consumer, namely me, for a change and stop speculating? Just take my advice and quit your yapping. Come back after the hurricane has left okay?