In light of recent reports that government funds earmarked for reconstruction of areas devastated by hurricane Katrina were being improperly awarded via no-bid contracts to Halliburton, the federal government today hired consultants to investigate these allegations.
These consultants, employed by a company named Halliburton, are expected to look into charges of cronyism and abuse of Katrina funds. Halliburton, a company that was formerly run under Vice President Dick Cheney as CEO, has also been under scrutiny for having misused federal funds that were to have been used for Iraqi reconstruction.
"We believe in the old adage, that it is always better to set a thief in order to catch a thief", said Scott McClellan, the President's spokesman. "And as you can see, Halliburton's record in thievery is unimpeachable. Plus, when you are investigating a firm, it is always good to have someone working from inside the firm, preferably the firm itself."
Borrowing a page from Halliburton's book, FEMA, the emergency management agency that displayed an abysmal failure in responding to hurricane Katrina, announced that it will launch an investigation to identify systemic failures within FEMA that led to thousands of New Orleanians not being rescued immediately following the hurricane. Michael Brown, the disgraced former FEMA director, before resigning from his position, appointed himself head of the committee that will investigate the actions of Michael Brown, the disgraced former FEMA director during the hurricane aftermath.
In other news, Pamela Anderson has filed a motion seeking a restraining order on her breasts, which have threatened to cut loose and wreak havoc on the community.