Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Blame-Gandhi day celebrated on October 2 throughout India

Amidst much pomp and pageantry, thousands of Indians took to the streets and logged on to the internet on October 2nd to celebrate Blame-Gandhi day. Blame-Gandhi day, a popular holiday among post-independence baby-boomers, is celebrated every year on Mohandas K. Gandhi's birthday to commemorate the evils that have befallen India due to the life and legacy of Mohandas K. Gandhi.

M.K Gandhi, also known during his time as the Mahatma, was the leader of the Quit India movement of 1942 that was aimed at ousting India's British rulers from the country, and which finally culminated in India's independence.

On being asked to explain the cultural significance of Blame-Gandhi day, one street reveller who was symbolically beating a Gandhi effigy to death with a cricket bat replied, "This holiday is aimed at educating the current generation of Indians as to how Gandhi ruined India politically and economically. For example, look at his concept of Satyagraha. Does it make any sense to you? Instead of opposing British rule in a non-violent manner, Indians should have engaged in a violent rebellion." When asked where the weapons for this rebellion would have come from at a time when the British controlled the means of production, the gentleman replied "The neighbourhood grocery store, of course, where else?"

The angry anti-Gandhian was also extremely vocal about the Mahatma's policy of Swadeshi. "Swadeshi does not make any sense at all. Why should we manufacture our own cloth when we can import it more cheaply from, say, China? Gandhi was way off in this regard", said the indignant economist. "Sure, back then, during the British Raj, our only alternative to indigenously producing goods was buying them from the British, which would consequently empower them, thus making India more of a slave to the British government, but still, free markets man, that is the way to go in the 21st century."

The Gandhi critic had more advice for the late M.K Gandhi. "And why did Gandhi denounce partnering with the Nazis against the British Government? After all, the Nazis were far better than the Brits. They never massacred anyone like the British did in Jallianwala Bagh."

On being asked for a final word, the irate gentleman finally calmed down and said, "See, the bottom line is, Gandhi was a great leader. His policies might have worked back then. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if those policies might have been the only option for India during the British Raj. But my point is, these policies do not have any relevance now in modern India, and people need to know that. That is the fundamental objective of Blame-Gandhi day. To denigrate the Mahatma's outdated policies through the denigration of the Mahatma himself."

The Indian National Congress, the ruling party in India, who owns the patent for the Gandhi brand-name, lashed out against the celebrations. "This is an outrage. The Mahatma cannot be ridiculed in this manner. Ridiculing the Mahatma is tantamount to ridiculing the Congress Party. And ridiculing the Congress Party is tantamount to ridiculing India."

In other news, the total number of little old men who single handedly brought an entire empire to it's knees, who stopped looting and violence in a fledgeling nation when nothing else seemed to work by threatening to starve themselves to death still remains at one.

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