Friday news roundup

Miers denies Klan membership, conservatives still hopeful
After denying having killed kittens during her youth, Harriet Miers, President Bush's latest Supreme Court pick has denied being a member of the Ku Klux Klan. However, conservative Republicans are still hopeful, adopting a wait and watch attitude. "It's unimagineable for someone to be as religious as she claims to be, and yet be free of bigotry. If not KKK, she must at least have bombed an abortion clinic. Lets just hope and pray that she has."

The American political scene has displayed a dramatic shift in loyalties since Bush announced his nomination for the Supreme court. Miers' lack of judicial background as well as her unwillingness to discuss her feelings about lynching negroes in public squares has Republicans befuddled. On the other hand, Democrats, content to let Republicans duke it out amongst themselves over the candidate, are willing to perform a collective impersonation of the common garden slug.

Bush : Karl Rove to be fired if he murdered Valerie Plame
President Bush, in a press release, has announced that if the current investigation into the leak of a CIA agent's name were to conclude that Karl Rove had murdered the agent, then he wouldn't think twice about firing him.

This is the third time President Bush has changed his stance about the affair. Initially, after reports that someone in the White House had outed a covert agent, Valerie Plame's name to the press, he had issued the statement proclaiming :

"If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action."

After it was revealed that it was in fact, Karl Rove, the White House advisor, who had actually leaked the name of the agent, Bush changed his statement, saying :

"If someone committed a crime, they will no longer work in my administration."

However, now, with Karl Rove's indictment of an actual crime being a realistic possibility, Bush has again changed his statement, saying :

"If Karl Rove is found to have murdered a CIA agent, we will waste no time in letting him go."

Republicans have applauded the President's stance as being fair and principled.

Online ignoring now easier with merger of Instant Messengers
Ignoring online chat pals will now be easier with the merger of Yahoo and MSN messengers. "This is truly a turning point for the IM (instant messaging) industry," Yahoo Chief Executive Terry Semel said in a statement. "This merger will enable IM users to consolidate all the people they hate, detest or are just plain bored of, into a single user interface. The days of juggling windows around, trying to ignore chat requests from multiple messengers at the same time are now over."

Only 2% of African Americans approve of Bush, cite job security as reason
In the latest NBC / WSJ poll, only 2% of African Americans claimed to be happy with President Bush's performance. When asked to justify the reasoning behind their approval of the president, Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State and all of the abovementioned 2%, replied, "Well, the reasons are mostly economic. President Bush's policies have had a tremendous impact on reducing the unemployment rate for me."