New study suggests Bush might be smarter than previously believed

A new study suggests that smoking marijuana in an extremely potent form could lead to growth in brain cells (via RawStory), thus leading to the conclusion that President Bush might not be as dumb as previously believed.

Recently released tapes of President Bush's conversation with a former advisor revealed that the President might have smoked marijuana in the past, but did not admit it on the record in order to dissuade children from following the president's example and turning into potheads. However, in light of these new findings, the White House has now launched a full-fledged public awareness campaign to highlight President Bush's pot smoking history by buying time on all major networks.

"Chronic use of marijuana may actually improve learning memory when the new neurons in the hippocampus can mature in two or three months," said Xia Zhang, an associate professor with the Neuropsychiatry Research Unit at the University of Saskatchewan. "In President Bush's case, it would mean that when he uses words like 'misunderestimate' and 'disassemble', he is not abusing the English language, just re-inventing it."

For the study, the researchers injected laboratory rats two times everyday for 10 days with a synthetic cannabinoid chemical, obtained from marijuana and evaluated them against a normal group. The rats that underwent the injections developed new nerve cells in the part of the brain that facilitates memory development. In addition, the rats also displayed a strong proclivity to sitting in groups around a campfire and discussing the various ways in which Jimi Hendrix's music rebelled against the establishment, specifically his version of the "Star-spangled Banner", whose extremely distorted guitar riff symbolized the distorted fabric of American society in the 60s.

"This just goes to prove that Americans were wrong about the president being a retarded sock puppet of corporate America who would sign anything into law as long as he didn't have to read the entire thing", said Scott McClellan, the White House spokesperson. "But now that these new findings prove that even though the president might still be a sock puppet of corporate America, he is probably not as retarded as originally feared, the American people need to know about it."

Plans are on for organizing a major presidential tour of America tentatively named "Pot-smoking is smart, and so am I", where the president will demonstrate the benefits of pot smoking by successfully reciting the first 3 digits of pi without faltering.

In other news, the capture of an Al Qaeda hair dresser in Iraq has prompted the Department of Homeland Security to raise the terror alert level to Blonde with Auburn highlights.