Friday, August 19, 2005

Nebraska residents admit they fucked up big time

The Nebraska state legislature has passed a bill admitting that the state collectively fucked up when they sent all their electoral college votes into George W Bush's coffer during the 2004 presidential election.

"When Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska traveled around his home state (via Raw Story) this week, citizens at every stop brought up Iraq policy and the inexorable rise in fuel prices."

"Is there anything the United States can do to get some stability in crude oil prices in the world, because it affects everything we do?" Larry Ahlers, a manager at medical device manufacturer Becton and Dickinson in Broken Bow, Nebraska while filling up his 20 foot gas-guzzling Ford Excursion SUV at the local gas station. "I mean, come on, surely there must be something we can do?"

Earlier the same day in Lincoln, an elderly woman asked about Iraq. "Why are we there in the first place?" she asked. "And more importantly, what were we high on when we all reelected that Ivy League cracker as president?"

Hagel, a possible Republican presidential candidate in 2008, is reportedly trying to distance himself from George Bush and the current administration. "I don't think there's panic, I don't think there's cynicism", said Hagel of the general sentiment among Nebraska residents. "I think there's a general sense of agreement among the people that they really fucked up when they elected the yellow-bellied, drug-addled bastard to office. The sentiment is there, and it is genuine."

Hagel said Bush faced a growing credibility gap. "He talks through his anus, figuratively speaking. We now know that most of what came out through that orifice ever since he assumed office was bullshit. But I guess, since we swallowed it whole and asked for more, we are the ones to blame."

In other news, President George W Bush has expressed some reservations about allocating government funding for building a time machine that could allow Americans to go back in time and elect John Kerry as president.

5 comments:

arZan said...

Nebraska....one of the handful of states in America, that would give Bihar an inferiority complex...u know what i mean !

gawker said...

It's difficult to believe anyone could best Bihar at being the worst but yeah, I guess you are right.

arZan said...

If you ever land up in Montana, Nebraska, Idaho, North Dakota, South Dakota, Missouri, Missisipi, Alabama, Kentucky, Kansas, you will know what i mean.:):):)

Charu said...

every one who voted for Bush - and again voted for him should ask that question - what was I thinking?
but then speaking of Bihar, no one dreams of asking such questions about Laloo!

gawker said...

Charu....Yes..Here, its religion that makes them do such things, in Bihar its caste.