Friday, August 05, 2005

US to outsource greenhouse gas production to India

The US, as part of a bold new initiative to outsource the production of greenhouse gases to south-east Asian countries, is planning on exporting pollution-causing, low gas mileage yielding vehicles to consumers in India. General Motors, the premier American company which specializes in the production of inferior quality, gas-guzzling, elephantine vehicles which reportedly are instrumental in increasing the phallus size of white male drivers, may start selling Hummers and Cadillacs in India.

President George Bush, in a joint press conference with GM president James J. Storrow remarked, "Common sense dictates that if a third world country with it's cheaper labor force can provide a service more efficiently and at a lower cost to the American public, then that service needs to be outsourced to that country. That is the case here. America, even with it's growing economy and environmentally derelict population can, by no means, produce the amount of greenhouse gases as the vast population of India can, given the appropriate tools."

"Our strategic partnership with India will help us achieve our goal of increasing global temperatures by an average of 5 degrees Celcius much earlier than the projected 100 years. After all, we cannot trust our children to live the same oil-based hedonistic lifestyle that we, of our generation, are so addicted to. If any global warming is to occur, it has to occur now."

In other news, Halliburton, the all-purpose American company, has tendered a quote to the US government for the contract of bulldozing every major Indian city in order to build roads capable of handling the new monster cars.


Sujatha said...

Just imagining a hummer on the roads here is funny. First of all, it will not fit into half the roads here and as for the other half, it will take such a long time to navigate through those that the owner will wish he had bought an auto instead (at 1/100th the price of a hummer).

Fantastic angle on a mundane story.

P.S. Thanks for the desipundit referral!


Michael Higgins said...

Hi Gawker
Actually, the Hummer will fit on the Indian roads. It is the autorickshaws that are in the opposing lane that will no longer fit. :)
Who in India could afford a $50,000 metal-box-on-wheels though?

gawker said...

Thanks Suj, and you are welcome.

Michael, probably a 100 people, mostly in the film industry.