Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Unintelligent president preaches intelligent design.

President George "C-" Bush, protector of mankind and purveyor of liberty and death, during a round-table conference (via BuzzFlash) with five Texas newspapers, said he believes students should be taught Intelligent Design, or as it is colloquially known, Creationism , along with Evolution in school. Creationism is that branch of religion pretending to be a science which tries to explain the origin of life in all it's complexity by saying "Heck, let's just say God did it". Creationism has the added benefit of succinctly explaining just about everything that happens in the universe.

The theory of intelligent design says life on earth is too complex to have developed through evolution, implying that a higher power must have had a hand in creation. In order to explain where this higher power, who supposedly created life on earth, came from, Bush replied, "That's easy. He was belched forth from the belly of the fire-breathing galactic serpent within the coils of which space and time are imprisoned."

Bush further explained "Genetics, shmenetics, we need a science that will be easy to understand and less time consuming to teach. After all, we need the children of this country to graduate from school as soon as possible 'cause we are really short of fresh meat in Iraq, you know. Creationism will serve that purpose well. Who created life, trees and the snot in your nose? God did. End of story. Now off you go to war, tiny Tim."

God, when reached for comment replied in glum resignation, "Yes, I created life, I created global warming, I created the budget deficit, is there anything else you wish to pin upon me?"

On learning of the president's support for this novel approach to explaining previously unexplained phenomena, numerous research institutions worldwide have ceased all work in their respective fields with the unanimous conclusion "God is responsible". A few such abruptly terminated research projects include finding cures for cancer and AIDS, the meaning of life and why Jenna Bush is smoking hot while Barbara Bush is just lukewarm, even though they are supposedly twins.

In other news, the president explained his most recent fall from a bicycle saying, the giant turtle on top of which the earth has been balancing for all eternity, twitched.

Update : The Rude pundit adds his share of invective to the discourse here.


chappan said...

You seem like a liberal, with all the Bush bashing dude.

What do u think abt the Bolton confirmation during Cong recess ?

gawker said...

Well, I am a liberal skeptic, it says so right there in my profile. But while I am never averse to gratuitous Bush bashing, love it as I do, this post is a more serious issue with the leader of the free world essentially propagating the fairy tale of creationism in the name of listening to opposing view points, a principle he has never demonstrated himself. Evolution is not a viewpoint, it has been scientifically proven. The earth is not 6000 years old. That has been proven too. Still, here's the president going around talking about opposing viewpoints, even though he knows what he is saying is entirely false. I mean how unscientific can you get?

As for the Bolton confirmation, I think it is typical of the Bush attitude of arrogance and bullying everyone to get what he wants, without involving anyone else in the decision making. In addition, I think he has entirely the wrong idea of the duties of what a UN ambassador should be trying to do. He seems to think the duties of a UN ambassador involve trying to reform that organization. Even though I cannot argue there, sure the organization needs reform, the primary objective of the UN ambassador should be to be diplomatic, to try get more people on the side of the US, not to act like some kind of a cleaner-up, and in this respect Bolton could be the worst possible candidate.